Jonathon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

[as Jonathon's signature dish is revealed] What the fuck is that on the plate?

I call this the Punch Drunk Chicken. (interview) I got the Southern flavor, you know? I put a lot of flavor in the food, raw but real. So, if Chef Ramsay complains about it, well, he's full of shit, man.

Hold on, it gets worse. [holds up sliced piece of pineapple] The pineapple looks like... canned?

Yes.

You open a can of pineapple, and you stick it on top of a chicken?

Limited time today.

"Limited time?" 45 minutes?! Limited time?!

Yes.

You're so full of shit, even your eyes are brown! While you come in here and serve me a canned fucking pineapple, you can fuck off now. Seriously! I'll pay for the ticket! You tell me.

No, sir.

It's an absolute freaking mess. But the surprising fact was you opened it out of a can. That's what pissed me off more than anything. I'm not even going to taste it! Ladies, congratulations.

What's he done to this? [returns the cod to the workstation] BLUE TEAM!

Yes, chef?

NO garnish anywhere, STILL fragmented and look! It's burnt! [holds up the cod, shows it to the Blue team and angrily slams it on the workstation; calls Chino]

(interview) I burnt the miso cod. You know, I should know this shit too because I'm Asian.

Oh, guys!

(interview) Chino really fucked the cod up, man. Basted that motherfucker with roof tar or something.

Chino!

Yes, chef?

Come here, you! Get out of my sight.

[leads Chino to the Chef's Table] Sit down.

Scott, get him peeling onions, garlic, but away from the stove!

[brings onions and garlic to Chino at Chef's Table] There you go. At least you won't be able to burn any of that.

(interview) Ugh. Horrible.

Absolute fucking useless!

(to Brendan) Filet is already up, bro! Watch the potatoes, they're about to burn!

Got 'em.

Well then pull them off!!

We're waiting on the sides!

Got 'em.

[sees the potatoes burnt while Brendan still sears them] Brendan, look at me. The potatoes in front of you. They're burnt. You're standing over them!

(brief pause) Yes, chef!

(interview) Brendan wanna sit there and puff out his fuckin' chest: "I'm gonna fuckin' do this! I'm a fuckin' man!". Bullshit bro, you suck!!!!

COME ON, GUYS!

That's twice in a row. Cooked to perfection, but we can't even SEND THE TABLE TOGETHER! Because NOBODY'S TOGETHER! SMOOTH SERVICE? MY ARSE!!

I've never in my whole career ever been stopped by fucking side items. Never.

Burnt on the bottom?

Yup.

[Returns to the workstation with burnt risotto and scrapes it in front of the Blue Team] Risotto burnt, and overcooked on the bottom! [Drops the pan] It's going to pot!

I got it, chef! [Prepares another risotto] I got it, chef! I got another one, chef!

(interview) It looked like somebody just took the pan and shit in it, and then tried to put some risotto on that, man.

[Brings the risotto to the pass] Risotto, chef.

I can't believe it, he did it again.

[returns to the workstation and scrapes the risotto] I've got another burnt risotto, it's burnt! [Throws the risotto in the bin along with his spoon and the pan] It's FUCKING BURNT!!! Chino, what the fuck is going on? How long for the risotto?

Eight minutes, chef. I'm sorry about that.

Eight minutes? (to James) Excuse me, I apologize, the risotto's behind it, yes? (to Chino) Come on, Chino!

(interview) I can't have another bad service today. Right now, I have to take this more seriously like nobody else. I have to prove to Chef Ramsay that I belong here.

If you burn me that risotto one more time...

No, chef.

Look at me - hey, look at me... I'll drag you out of here.

No, chef. No, chef.

Brendan on the fish station is now ready to move onto entrées...

Sea bass is ready. Are we ready to go on entrées?

Pull it out now.

Brendan -

Yes, chef?

I haven't-I haven't called it. Who called the entrées?

...even if Chef Ramsay isn't.

Who fired? I didn't fire.

Yes, chef. Sea bass is fired, and it's ready.

What is going on? You cooked the bass. Is your meat ready?

No, chef.

And the garnish all ready?

No, chef.

You've got to work as a team! PLEASE!

(interview) Brendan, man he jumped the gun. You know, he's too busy trying not to fuck up and he forgets it's about communicating.

Okay, let's go for the first entrée together!

Yes, chef.

Timing!

Yes, chef.

Away now: One sea bass, one wellington, one New York strip, one prime rib.

Yes, chef!

Get another bass in!

[checks Brendan's seabass] Oh, come on. Brendan, it's raw.

(to Brendan) COME ON, BRO! REALLY? (interview) Brendan, you suck! You suck!

Blue team, BLUE TEAM!

Yes, chef?

STOP! It's just got worse. Not one entrée has left together yet. NOT ONE! (Chino) You fucked me on the risotto! (Tommy) You screwed me on the duck and now I got a raw bass! What are you going to do now? Any suggestions? [the blue team doesn't answer] I've got one big suggestion! [points to every member of the Blue team] You, you, you, you, you, FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE! GET UPSTAIRS!

(interview) What the fuck, man? It is so frustrating, dude. It made us look like a bunch of little sissy-ass bitches, man.

(calls to the red team) Ladies?

Yes, chef?

I need four of you in here finishing the blue team. Any of you.

Yes, chef.

(interview) Having another person coming in to finish what I fucking started is the most infuriating slap in the face, literally "taking your dick out and whipping it across my chin" feeling that I have ever had in my life.

[angrily throws water bottle] FUCK!

I didn't sign up for this, bro. Send my ass home, bro.

Absolutely nothing came out right.

People just don't know how to fucking cook. (interview) That was, like, the biggest pussy bullshit I've ever experienced in my life, man. [to his teammates] I've never been kicked out of a kitchen, bro.

It's EMBARRASSING! [points at Brendan] HE CAN'T FUCKING COOK! [points at Chino] HE DIDN'T GET THE FUCKING RISOTTO OUT!

I didn't sign up for this! I signed up to win! We're all supposed to be professional chefs, right?

I AGREE!

RIGHT? SO, WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm not happy about it either.

You think you're pissed? I'm pissed too, all right? We just got our asses kicked in a big game.

I don't like to lose! This is the only thing I'm good at, bro! (interview) I did not come out of here to be made a fool of! That's too much for me! (in the dorms) No, this is some fucking - [kicks something] (to his teammates) Do you realize that they're all in our kitchen right now serving our guests?

Yeah.

We're getting whooped by a bunch of fucking chicks in there! (interview) We just got schooled, man! We should've had a fucking pen and a piece of paper. We should've been taking notes. We just got our asses fucking kicked, bro. (to his teammates) Like, come on, man!

Men, I'm - I'm disappointed. Will?

Yes, chef?

Who should leave Hell's Kitchen tonight?

100%, Brendan and Chino.

Paul, who should go?

Brendan and Chino.

Jonathon?

I voted for Brendan and Chino.

If you had to pick one?

I choose Chino.

Some of you guys are just a bunch of fucking phonies, you know that? All you do is scream what Chef Ramsay says, and when Chef Ramsay leaves, you just clam up. You don't–you don't wanna put yourself out there.

You can go fuck yourself, Chino.

You know why they're (Red Team) winning? You know why the girls are winning? They may not like each other, but they all fucking study their shit. I–I'm getting balled out on risotto. What do you do? You go at me.

I didn't see you jumping in trying to help somebody else like I was!

I couldn't! 'Cause I was getting fucked up! I was fucking up! How could I help somebody if I'm fucking up? [Gordon facepalms]

Team player? You ain't no team player!

Okay? I felt sorry for him, alright?

You don't even know what that means! Fuck you!

Guys!

Anyway, Brendan and Chino, step forward.

Alright, order in. Squab, risotto, scallop, tart. Entrée: wellington, cod, strip, and bass.

Yep, rice is going.

Scallop.

Starting to go, starting to go, starting to go. (interview) We had our first two services, and it was a loss. It sucked.

Doing my fish thing.

(interview) We got an opportunity to work out any kinks that we might've seen in service. (to Natalie) Three minutes out.

Now, I'm gonna say, "Okay, dude, it's not ready. So, it's still, uh... in the oven, so... Hey, you gotta give me four minutes."

No, that's not good.

[impersonating Gordon's British accent while slamming his fist on workstation] HOW LONG?!

You gotta give me four minutes, dude.

(interview) Chino sat there and was like... [chuckles and shakes his head]

OK, three minutes—three minutes on the—three minutes on the wellington.

Three minutes!

(interview) He can't even fake being a good cook. [facepalms]

So I need two minutes!

Say—say I'm behind again.

(interview) I mean, really? There's no cooking involved. I mean, how hard is that?

That's it—that's it, I'm just gonna try and...

[in British accent] HURRY UP!

[in British accent] CHINO!

Cod, bass!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Sea bass is fucking falling apart.

Sea bass is what?

Sea bass fell apart.

Oh, boy. Scott.

(Gives Monterray on a lesson) When you take the fish out of the pan, you leave it on the spatula.

It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.

You leave it on the fucking spatula! Is that what you did?

No, it's not.

No, you didn't. So it's the fish's fault again?

No, it's not. It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.

There IS something you can do, because you should be fucking responsible enough to CARE! YOU'RE GONNA FUCKIN' LIE TO MY FACE AND TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!

(interview) I understand what he's telling me and I'm listening to him, but you ain't going to keep fucking cussing at me. I don't give a fuck who you are: Chef Ramsay, Chef Scott, Chef Andi. You ain't going to keep talking to me like that!

So don't sit here and BULLSHIT me and tell me that there's nothing you can do!

I'm not bullshitting you. I put it on- I have it. I'm putting it on there-

You've given up! Get- BULLSHIT! SHUT UP!

And Monterray has decided to go toe-to-toe with Sous Chef Scott.

All you have to do is bring it up, and it won't break!

I understand. I understand.

DO YOU?! Then FUCKIN' DO IT!

I'm positive.

Then DO IT!

Then it's done then.

Fuck you!

Well fuck you too then! [throws pan into the sink] You fucking serious, dawg?

(interview) When you fucking got too much pride and you wanna stand there and fucking cuss at Chef Scott, that's the motherfucker that needs to go home.

Pass me some goose necks, please.

(interview) Yeah, just shut him down and send his ass home right now. That's a done deal.

[Sees Paul at the garnish section] Jonathon.

Yes, chef.

Why is Paul taking over the garnish?

He's helping me out, chef.

Helping you out or doing it?

I've a little bit- I'm having a little bit of trouble!

Oh, come on! (to Paul) Paul.

Yes, chef?

Come here, you.

[Approaches Gordon] Yes, chef!

"Help him out" has a big difference, but actually "taking over" I'm not going to let.

Yes, chef.

Do you understand?

Yes, chef! [returns to his previous section]

(to Jonathon) Will the garnish be ready, Jonathon?

Yes chef, it'll be ready!

Look at me, because if it's not, you can fuck off!

I'll have it ready, chef!

While Carrie starts from square one on her rice, Chef Ramsay...

[asks for snapper] Snapper, please.

...is waiting on Paul...

Where's the snapper?

...once again.

Yes chef, I'm pushing it right now.

It's fucking raw. [returns to the workstation] All of you! [angrily throws his spoon away] I'm- I'm struggling! The fish is fucking RAW! [knocks the workstation] IT'S THE SECOND TIME! And it's the committee's table! You can't do that to me!

Yes, chef.

(interview) Paul's crashing and burning on the fish station like a Titanic, you know? It's fucking going down.

(to Paul) YOU, OFF FISH!

[angrily slams his towel] Fuck!

Jonathon, Monterray! On the fish!

(interview) I'm like, "okay." (to Jonathon) Come on. Let's go, let's go.

Get a grip, guys!

Four to five minutes.

Jesus Christ.

Jonathon! Monterray! Committee table, we've got to put it together!

Two minutes.

Two minutes chef.

Not bad.

Don't yell. You did do what you got.

No, no, no, no.

Just what you got to do.

(interview) Chef Ramsay throws me on fish station, so I do what I can. And Jonathon's sittin' back and I'm like, "Dude! What the hell are you doing? Start fucking cooking for your team please! Like, what is wrong with you?"

What the fuck is Jonathon doing?

I'm trying to help chef. Trying to help.

(interview) Jonathon's sitting in the corner like some stray dog with his tail between his legs.

If anybody needs anything, just holler at me, okay?

(interview) So I guess I'm by myself, I have to step up and I'm like, more capable of doing this job.

Where is the snapper?

[Brings the snapper to the pass] Right here, chef.

It's raw. All of you, come here.

What the fuck happened?

Just touch that. [touches the top of snapper] Put your hand on top of there. Touch it. Touch it. [Tommy touches the snapper while Monterray walks away] Don't you dare- I am so pissed off! I can't take it anymore. I've had-I've had enough!

Sorry, chef. Sorry, chef.

He (Paul) screws me, you (Monterray) walk away.

Sorry, chef.

Where's your respect? Get out! Fuck off!

Ugh.

Can a couple of us stay, chef, and try to do something?

Piss off!

Fuck!

How long on the bass?

Three and a half minutes. (interview) I've never cooked sea bass here before, but it's just like any other piece of fish, and you know, I've already messed up once, you know. I don't plan on doing it again.

(to Jonathon) How long do you need?

Go ahead. I'm fixing to cut two wellingtons.

(brings the sea bass to the pass) Behind.

This wellington's overdone. Yep, here it is, baby. (interview) I'm almost to the point of panic. Tommy prepped my wellingtons like big balls of shit. What am I supposed to do? (in the kitchen) That's a little bitty motherfucker right there. Probably to get my ass handed to me on that one. Yep. (brings the wellington to pass) Here.

Oh, fuck me. (returns the sea bass and wellington to the workstation) All of you, come here!

[moans] (interview) Chef Ramsay's about to fucking kill my ass.

One, I don't know what the fuck that is. [grabs a wellington]

It's a little one, that's my fault, Chef. It won't happen again. It's a fucking little bit overcooked because of the size. I realize that. It won't happen again, I promise.

Just like that?... [throws a spoon on a workstation] (brief pause) (Natalie) And you? It's raw in the center. Raw. And you're a talented cook! (Natalie goes silent to give her response)

Chef, I've got some more wellingtons.

(calling Jonathon and Natalie out of the kitchen) You and you... fuck off! Get out!

For crying out, man, I'm so sick of this bullshit, man.

Hey, hold on. Take that shit with you.

I'm done. I'm quit.

JONATHON! COME HERE, YOU!

You can kiss my ass.

JONATHON! I'd respect you more if you told me BEFORE you brought it to me! (brief pause) A-anything to say?!

It won't happen again.

DON'T FUCKING DARE BRING ME THAT SHIT!

Yes, chef. Won't happen again.

Fuck off!

Capellini, chef.

[after examining the capellini] Fuck me. [returns to workstation] Over my fucking dead body! All of you, come here. Where's your spoons? (to Natalie) Just taste that! Taste it! I swear to God, it's like food from a kindergarten! I've tasted better canned spaghetti! And this is the U.S. Coast Guard! (to Paul) You! Show them how to do a lobster capellini!:

Yes, chef!

If it doesn't sink in, THEY'RE OUT!! I don't care, they're gone!

Jonathon, come here. I want a word with you.

(interview) The pain is starting to get to me. I thought I could push through dinner service, man. But it's–it's gradually getting worse.

[follows Jonathon into the pantry] What's happening?

Honestly, chef...

What's happening? Look at me straight in the eyes! What's happening? Come on!

Uh...

Give it to me!

My mobility's a little limited. I didn't want to give up on the team or be a bitch or give up. So I'm in here doing the best I can.

It doesn't stop you using your brain! I've had a young man in here two years ago that broke his fucking arm! [referring to Dave, who won season 6] He went on to win the fucking competition!

Yes, chef.

If you've given up, GET OUT!

I'm not giving up!

WELL, FUCKING FIGHT BACK!

I am fighting, chef!

THEN STOP SENDING ME SHIT!

Yes, chef!