“Episode Two” quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(examining Roshni's scallops) I've got all different sizes. Look, come here. There's mommy, there's daddy, there's a daughter, there's a son, and there's a baby. Fuck off! What's the matter with you? (Roshni heads back)

Fuck! (angrily slams his own towel on a workstration)

All of you, come here. Three risottos of the same table. A light one, a dark one and a medium one. The same fucking table.

(interview) Ohh! Dagger in the heart, shit!

Who's in charge of the appetisers?

I am.

So you don't them into one pan and finish them together?

I should have.

You put them on together one minute to go into one big pan, fuck me!

(interview) I'm like, "Brianna, do something." You're supposed to do everything.

COME ON!! Hurry up! Get them into one pan! I'm not going to serve them in three different colours!

Yes, chef.

Oh, my God!

Fucking hell. You are kidding me. [takes the scallops back from the pass] All of you! ALL OF YOU! How dare you! Didn't you learn anything yesterday?! I mean, come on! [pounds the table] This is where it really hurts. Touch those fucking scallops. [The blue team touches the scallops] How fucking dare you?! HOW DARE YOU?! All of you, get over there, take your fucking shit, and eat it. Just see what we are about to send out. Fuck off, you. NOW! All of you, NOW! Let's go! Have a snack!

(interview) My fat ass sat in a pile of snow picking up scallops, and now I'm sitting there like a jerk-off eating these things, because you can't pan sear a scallop? What, are you fucking kidding me?

No one leaves until they fucking eat them, and if you don't want to eat them, fuck off home. I've had enough.

Yes, chef. Come on. I've got six in my mouth. (interview, burps)

Oh, my God! One, two, three, four, five, six of you cooking scallops?! There's more freaking chefs cooking scallops than there are scallops in the PAN!! [slams a scallop on workstation] GUYS! Have you any idea how stupid you look?

Yes, chef.

(interview) Six chefs. One for each scallop, and one to rub their asses.

Two wellington, two opah! How long?

Coming out now, chef! Coming out! Out! [brings the wellington to the pass]

Where's the opah?

Right behind.

[checking Chris' opah] Fucking hell, that's raw! Stone-fucking-cold! All of you, come here! [calls Chris] You, especially! Just touch that! Cold, touch that! Here look! [Blue team touches the cold opah] Touch......it's stone-cold you... [smashes the opah twice on the tray] ARGH! AAH! DAMN THAT! Who cooked the wellington?

I did, chef.

Because they're cooked perfectly. Take it back now.

[bringing the mashed potatoes back from the pass] Bland. Look, it's bland. It's bland. Just stands in there.

Yes, chef.

Butter! Cream! Look, it's bland. It's like fucking plasticine. My God, work it!

(interview) Chef Ramsay, I want to say I'm sorry, uh... I'm sorry I disappointed you. I, uh... I didn't know how you wanted your mashed potatoes. [sniffles and pretends to wipe away a tear from his eye]

I don't know how to wake you up anymore. You're like a zombie!

Sorry, chef.

You make him (Don) look fucking good!

Two hours into dinner service and not a single entrée is left either kitchen, patience is wearing thin in the dining room.

I'm hungry.

We do apologize.

And the red kitchen is crumbling quickly.

How long is the bass?

Two minutes, guys.

A real fucking two minutes or a playful two minutes?

Christina Wilson

Coming through. Pardon me, Chef.

[sees the fish cooking] I've got six bass going. What?

Chef, I told them to start the bass. Because--

Six???

Yes.

They should be cooked to order! It's fish!

Coming down with scallops.

(interview) I don't understand why I'm getting yelled at. I'm trying to fucking put out food for the customers. I mean, I'm pissed off that he's mad at me.

Ladies, STOP! ALL OF YOU, COME HERE! (Tiffany) You're telling her (Danielle) to cook six bass for three tables in front of what we're doing. [points to Barbie's scallops] And then this arrives!

(interview) Agh! We're screwed.

For the seventh time, touch them! Touch them! (he touches the scallops, then the red team touches it) All of you, GET OUT! (Barbie) And you, take that with you, get out of my fucking sight, GET OUT! OUT!

Christina Wilson

(interview) God! Oh, my God!

Absolutely useless! [sees the mess that the Red team left] HOLY FUCK.

I got fish! I got fish you cocky bitch!

Don't you ever fucking call me a bitch again, you understand?

(interview) Barbie's the reason why we went down tonight. I don't know why she's fucking here!

THE TWO FISH WENT OUT- [Yelling]

And the lack of harmony in the kitchen has now exploded in the dorms.

FUCKING GET THAT SHIT!! [knocks the bottle and the soda can over with her hand] YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!

What is wrong with you?!

Bitch, stop!

All of you, come here! What is that?

A piece of overcooked steak.

I'm opening a steakhouse in Vegas. [gives the steak to Clemenza] Take that.

Yes, chef.

And fuck off! All of you, get out! Get out! Get out!

What a bizarre, strange evening. Ridiculous! Embarrassing! Scallops. The dish where I expected not one little problem anywhere, from both kitchens, I got a meltdown. Tonight clearly the losing team is the women and the men. A sinking ship and a runaway train. Each team, come up with two individuals that you don't want in your team any longer. Do something properly and all together for the first time tonight. FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU.