Mercedes Jones quotes from Glee

And just so you know I already bought custom bibs for me and Mercedes here. You know why? Cause we be going

SMSantana & Mercedes

To Breadstix.

S2 E4 Duets

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[After Rachel and Finn finish singing. Mike claps a little, Tina stops him]

Mercedes

Okay, do I even have to say it?

That was rude.

Tina

Like really rude.

I seriously wanted to punch both of you.

S2 E4 Duets

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And action! [Music starts and the elevator starts going down]

[walking backwards to the elevator with Finn] Oh Brad, let's get out of here! I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!

Well I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.

Mercedes

[turns around and opens the elevator door]

[turns to Mercedes] Ahhh! [faints]

S2 E5 The Rocky Horror Glee Show

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[turns around and sees everyone as little kids] Okay, I definitely have a fever.

YSYoung Santana

Looking good Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties.

YPYoung Puck

[kisses his muscles] These guns are fully loaded.

Young Rachel

Mr Schue? I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to explore the ouevre of one Bernadette Peters.

Young Brittany

Someday, I'm going to Paris to visit the Oeuvre.

Young Mike

I just want to dance.

Young Mercedes

Mr. Schuester? You look a little green.

S2 E7 The Substitute

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Mercedes

You'll forget all about it at bowling.

Kurt

I can't. Blaine asked me to hang out.

S2 E7 The Substitute

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Sue

(holds up a piece of broccoli) Do you know what this is?

Mercedes

A toilet brush.

Sue

It' broccoli. When I showed this to to Brittany earlier she began to whimper thinking I cut down a small tree where a small family of gummy bears lived.

S2 E7 The Substitute

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Where were you, Finn?

Still out on the field, okay? I totally would have given him a beat-down if I'd been there.

Mercedes

The fact is, it shouldn't have gone down without you, Finn. You should have been leading the charge.

Kurt

[softly] Lay off Finn, everyone. It isn't his problem. It's none of your problems, actually. But thank you for what you did. Especially Sam.

S2 E8 Furt

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MTMike, Tina and Mercedes

(walking and talking in the hallway)

(Karofsky, Azimo and another football player are walking towards them with slushies in their hands. They splash the slushies at Mike, Tina and Mercedes.)

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Brittany still believes in Santa Claus.

Mercedes

(holds in a laugh) You cannot be serious.

Last week, Brittany believed a comb had magic powers. This is kind of a pattern.

She's gonna find out sooner or later.

(looking at Finn)

(decorating the tree)

Do you mind, um, meeting me at the auditorium tomorrow at four?

Sure.

Lauren

Someone's gotta break the news to her.

PPuck

Uh uh. Not me. I mean I'm cruel and all but that's just hardcore.

That's my point. Hear me out. Remember how excited you get when you would think about Santa Claus? How awesome it was? Christmas was the highlight of the year. Why wouldn't you want to keep someone's world magical for a little longer?

Mike

How?

I got it all figured out.

(Everyone looks at Brittany)

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Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go! (smiles)

Mercedes

(sitting on Santa's lap) I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony and a dolly that laughs and cries and...one of us smells like McDonald's.

Lauren

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. And I want sweet potato fries.

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want bling. I can't be more specific than that. Okay hold up. Don't tell that's a roll of Certs in your pocket. (gets off)

(nodding)

(sitting on Santa's lap) Do you have anything for stretch marks?

(sitting on Santa's lap) Chapstick. Lots of Chapstick.

Mike

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Tina

(sitting on Santa's lap) When does Asian Santa arrive?

EElf Lady

Next.

(to Elf Lady) Just know, you have rights.

SSanta

Ho, ho, ho.

(sits on Santa's lap)

SSanta

What's your name?

Brittany. You've gotten really tan.

SSanta

That's because in the North Pole there is a hole in the ozone.

(laughs) You're amazing. I know you're really busy so I only want one thing for Christmas. (points to Artie) Do you see my boyfriend over there?

(waves)

Brittany': For Christmas, I want him to be able to walk. You can do that, can't you Santa?

(frowns)

SSanta

(turns to Artie)

(shakes his head no)

SSanta

Um...sure. I'm on it.

Thank you Santa.

Now we're screwed.

(hugs Santa)

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How the hell did you afford that thing?

I didn't buy it. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Transformer.

(turns to Santana) I assumed her dad got it for me but he has no idea. He went to take a long poop and then it was there.

So if no one knew who bought it for you then-

Santa brought it.

Mercedes

Santa.

(nods) Santa.

A real Christmas miracle.

CBCoach Beiste'

(watching and smiling)

At Will's home:

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All right. New Directions, let's give a warm welcome to the newest members of Glee Club.

Mercedes

Oh, hell to the no, Mr. Schue. Are you serious?

Hey, hey. Come on.

CBCoach Beiste

Hey.

Mr. Schue, are you serious? These are the guys that made Kurt transfer.

And there's no way that I am sharing the choir room with a known homophobe.

S2 E11 The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

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And just like a famous athlete I want to give to a charity. You guys. So I'm setting up a kissing booth for a dollar a smooch and donating the proceeds to glee club to help us-

Mercedes

Don't even act like you want to help this glee club out. You just want to kiss a bunch of girls.

I've kissed him, and can I just say? Not worth the buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs.

Do you ever get tired tearing other people down?

No, not really.

'Cause you always seemed to be meddling in everyone else's business.