Coach Beiste quotes from Glee

All right, guys, it's a pizza party. Dig in. Everyone has to eat at least four slices. Let's go! And when you're done, full pads out on the field. We're doing wind sprints. And the first ten to puke are off the team.

[to Will] I have punched a charging hippo square in the face and not been as scared as I am right now.

Sue

First of all, a female football coach, like a male nurse-sin against nature. Number two, I'm sure you're used to Hillbilly parents yelping adulation at you as they attempt to impregnate the tailpipes of various off-road vehicles, but you're in my house now, Beiste. No one comes into my house and steals from me.

Do not get up in the Panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelet.

Sue

[Whispering] That doesn't make any sense.

She put husky to good use.

Brittany

Was her name Rickki Lake?

Sam

How the hell did you afford that thing?

Brittany

I didn't buy it. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Transformer.

Artie

(turns to Santana) I assumed her dad got it for me but he has no idea. He went to take a long poop and then it was there.

Rachel

So if no one knew who bought it for you then-

Brittany

Santa brought it.

Mercedes

Santa.

Artie

(nods) Santa.

Quinn

A real Christmas miracle.

(watching and smiling)

Will

Do you trust me?

You're not gonna try and kiss me again, are you?

Will

All right. New Directions, let's give a warm welcome to the newest members of Glee Club.

Mercedes

Oh, hell to the no, Mr. Schue. Are you serious?

Will

Hey, hey. Come on.

Hey.

Finn

Mr. Schue, are you serious? These are the guys that made Kurt transfer.

Rachel

And there's no way that I am sharing the choir room with a known homophobe.

Come on, guys! Why, just last week, three Fort Wayne gymnasts had to have their junk amputated!

I stopped washing down there 'cause it seemed kind of gay.

Rory

I thought that's what the hair was for: catching the dirt.

Finn

Huh, lift and scrub. Who knew it was so easy?

Dr. Jones said the new end of world date is September 27, 2014

Brittany

That gives us like two whole years of giving love and brutal honesty to everyone we know.