Sue Sylvester quotes from Glee

Sue

[to Will] So here's the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy elderly mother: Euthanize it. It's their time.

Sue

Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in twenty years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

Sue

There's a stack of mattresses in the choir room piled as high as the empty hair gel bottles in the Dumpster outside your apartment.

Sue

Is there any reason you have a soiled mattress in your office, Will? Have you and the redhead become so sexually depraved that you have to commit your craven acts of adultery in between classes?

Sue

Welcome to the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror.

Sue

"Splits" magazine has named me cheerleading coach of the last two thousand years.

Sue

Is it a tad over-the-top to bill the district for skydiving lessons to have the Cheerios parachuted onto the football field? Perhaps.

Sue

[Writing in her journal] Dear Journal, something strange happened yesterday. I felt something below the neck. Dare I admit it? I have feelings for one Will Schuester. Sexy, non-murdering feelings. True love always springs from true hate. I'll admit in the past I've fantasized about waking up with Will's head on the pillow next to me, except now I picture it attached to the rest of his body.

Sue

See this? It's a court summons--child endangerment--'cause there's been a line of would-be Cheerios out there since late July. I guess they lost their humanity a little bit. One girl ate a pigeon, several others started worshiping a possum carcass as their lord.

Sue

The two of you are making a very serious mistake today, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexican Indians sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.

Sue

You know what William? That's what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone's bourbon. And when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson's tramp-stamp, and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face. And spent the next hour screaming "Sex Party!" into the microphones of all three major networks.

Sue

I'm gonna sue the pants off of you, Will. I'm going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests -- I mean, seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

Sue

See people, I hate Christmas but I love presents.

Sue

Brittany, please remind me how I single-handedly put cheerleading on the map.

Sue

I try to make a habit of not touching carnie folk. But, fella, I'll take it.