Lauren quotes from Glee

Lauren

Stare at me again and I'll break your nuts.

Lauren

I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S.

Lauren

If I was a country, my flag would be a big fist giving the rest of the world the finger.

Lauren

You're always singing about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. but respect isn't something you can ask for, you have to demand it.

Lauren

Who you are inside and who you pretend to be to the rest of the world? They're two different people.

Jacob

I love Britney Spears!

Lauren

I wanna be that hat!

Jacob

Take it off! Yes!

Lauren

Mr. Schue, let me be your Britney!

Jacob

[Moans, jumps up and down] It's so sexy! It's so sexy!

Lauren

Mr. Schue I want you!

Jacob

[Pointing at the stage] Don't stop doing that! Don't stop doing that! Yes! Yes! [Jacob grabs the butt of the person standing in front of him. It turns out to be a guy] Uh-oh. [The guy punches Jacob]

Sue

It's a Britney Spears sex riot! [Pulls the fire alarm]

Mike

I'm pretty sure they just added food coloring to real slush in the parking lot.

Lauren

You can eat that you know.

Brittany

Pretty soon no one will bully us. Santa Claus can do anything and this year I asked for the Glee club to stop getting picked on.

Lauren

She's kidding, right?

Artie

Guys, this is serious. Listen up.

Artie

Brittany still believes in Santa Claus.

Mercedes

(holds in a laugh) You cannot be serious.

Sam

Last week, Brittany believed a comb had magic powers. This is kind of a pattern.

Quinn

She's gonna find out sooner or later.

Rachel

(looking at Finn)

Finn

(decorating the tree)

Rachel

Do you mind, um, meeting me at the auditorium tomorrow at four?

Finn

Sure.

Lauren

Someone's gotta break the news to her.

Uh uh. Not me. I mean I'm cruel and all but that's just hardcore.

Artie

That's my point. Hear me out. Remember how excited you get when you would think about Santa Claus? How awesome it was? Christmas was the highlight of the year. Why wouldn't you want to keep someone's world magical for a little longer?

Mike

How?

Artie

I got it all figured out.

Brittany

Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go! (smiles)

Mercedes

(sitting on Santa's lap) I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony and a dolly that laughs and cries and...one of us smells like McDonald's.

Lauren

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. And I want sweet potato fries.

Santana

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want bling. I can't be more specific than that. Okay hold up. Don't tell that's a roll of Certs in your pocket. (gets off)

Artie

(nodding)

Quinn

(sitting on Santa's lap) Do you have anything for stretch marks?

Sam

(sitting on Santa's lap) Chapstick. Lots of Chapstick.

Mike

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Tina

(sitting on Santa's lap) When does Asian Santa arrive?

Next.

Brittany

(to Elf Lady) Just know, you have rights.

Ho, ho, ho.

Brittany

(sits on Santa's lap)

What's your name?

Brittany

Brittany. You've gotten really tan.

That's because in the North Pole there is a hole in the ozone.

Brittany

(laughs) You're amazing. I know you're really busy so I only want one thing for Christmas. (points to Artie) Do you see my boyfriend over there?

Artie

(waves)

Artie

(frowns)

(turns to Artie)

Artie

(shakes his head no)

Um...sure. I'm on it.

Brittany

Thank you Santa.

Artie

Now we're screwed.

Brittany

(hugs Santa)

Sue

I'm going to stop you right there! Why are you wearing that hat?

Lauren

Because it's Christmas, and it's fun.

Sue

No, it's offensive. You're wearing a Santa Claus hat, and yet you're not handing me any gifts. I need gifts.

Lauren

You want my hat?

Sue

It's a start.

Finn

And just like a famous athlete I want to give to a charity. You guys. So I'm setting up a kissing booth for a dollar a smooch and donating the proceeds to glee club to help us-

Mercedes

Don't even act like you want to help this glee club out. You just want to kiss a bunch of girls.

Santana

I've kissed him, and can I just say? Not worth the buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs.

Finn

Do you ever get tired tearing other people down?

Santana

No, not really.

Finn

'Cause you always seemed to be meddling in everyone else's business.

Santana

Oh please. You guys love me. I keep it real and I'm hilarious.

Lauren

Actually, you're just a bitch.

Santana

I won't tell Lauren to look out for poachers who might might mistake her for the endangered white rhino.

Lauren

I heard that. Don't make me rip that weave off your head.

Santana

Hello, Lauren. You are a beautiful person.

Lauren

Thank you.

Santana

Now get out of the way, please. Afores I ends you.

Lauren

You don't want to push me.

Santana

You see, I sorta do. I'm from a part of town called Lima Heights adjacent. You know where that is, Poppin' Fresh? It's on the wrong side of the tracks. [flicks her hand at Lauren's shoulder]

Can I touch your knockers now?

Lauren

Only if you wanna lose your hand. But you're on your way.

Rachel

[burps] It tastes like pink. It tastes like pink! PINK!

Kurt

[dancing and talking to Finn] Are you not drinking?

Finn

No. Designated driver. What about you?

Kurt

I'm still trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy. [looks at Blaine]

Blaine

[dancing crazily]

Kurt

Clearly he doesn't have the same concern.

Blaine

Hey, it is so cool that you and Kurt are brothers...Like brothers. Wow. You're so tall.

Kurt

Are you having fun, Blaine?

Blaine

Yeah. This is the best party ever!

Rachel

Finny, dance with me. [dances with Finn] We had it going on, right? I wasn't making it up or anything? I'd do anything for you. Anything.

Finn

[lets go of Rachel] Okay Rachel, since this is your first time at this, I'm going to break it down for you. [sits down with Rachel]

Rachel

Okay.

Finn

Guys and girls fall into certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit A: Santana, the weepy, hysterical drunk.

Santana

[crying] You like her more than me! She's blond and awesome and so smart. Admit it! Just admit it!

Sam

[confused]

Santana

No kiss me! [kisses Sam]

Finn

Lauren Zizes and Quinn, the anger girl drunks.

Quinn

I can't believe what you did to my body! I used to have abs!

Back off!

Lauren

Who told you that hairstyle was cool? Geronimo?

Chill out!

Finn

Brittany, the girl who also turns into a stripper drunk.

Brittany

[dancing]

Artie

[throwing money into the air] Makin' it rain! [laughing] That's my girlfriend. I love you babe.

Finn

Mercedes and Tina, happy girl drunks.

[laughing hysterically]

Finn

And then we come around full circle right back to you, Rachel. And right now you're being the needy girl drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey. It's not cool.

Rachel

[frowns and pats Finn's back] What-What kind of girl is this? [stands up] Let's play spin the bottle!