Why, just this week, we've had five suspensions for intoxication on school grounds.
SStudent
Figgins, you rock! [lifts his shirt] Yeah man!
Six suspensions.
“Blame It On the Alcohol” · Season 2, Episode 14
In this episode: Rachel Berry (15), Santana Lopez (9), Kurt Hummel (7), Finn Hudson (6), Mercedes Jones (6), Brittany Pierce (5), Will Schuester (4), Sue Sylvester (4)
[talking on her cellphone] It sounds awful. Is anyone even going?
[walks next to Santana and holds out her cellphone] Let me find out. [dials Artie] Did you hear?
[on his cellphone] Yes. Mercedes just told me.
[pushing Artie's wheelchair] Tell them I'll go if they go.
Tell them yourselves. I ain't no Pony Express.
[rolls her eyes and turns on her headset] You're going, right?
Only if there's liquor. Because a Rachel Berry house party is not something I can do sober.
But it's Alcohol Awareness week.
Precisely and I'm aware of how much fun alcohol is. Let's ask Puckerman. [dials Puck]
PPuck
[on his cellphone] Go for Puck.
Noah, it's Santittany and Artcedes. Can your friends score us some wine coolers?
PPuck
No, but his I.D. can.
[Everyone meets up at the same time.]
Well if we're all in then it's settled. The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza is officially a go.
I love hearing about the glee club, but I'm actually more interested in you.
I suggest you pre-actively check into rehab, as you are a future alcoholic.
Not to be alarmed, doctors say he will be fine, provided he can get the swelling in his brain under control.
It's not emotional or good or...
It sucks.
Yeah.
I've never even had a drink.
Seriously? No wonder I never got past second base.
[coming downstairs] Kurt's been blackmailing me every since he saw my browser history.
Brittany, remember the rules: no sitting on anything!
Let's party!
[burps] It tastes like pink. It tastes like pink! PINK!
[dancing and talking to Finn] Are you not drinking?
No. Designated driver. What about you?
I'm still trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy. [looks at Blaine]
[dancing crazily]
Clearly he doesn't have the same concern.
Hey, it is so cool that you and Kurt are brothers...Like brothers. Wow. You're so tall.
Are you having fun, Blaine?
Yeah. This is the best party ever!
Finny, dance with me. [dances with Finn] We had it going on, right? I wasn't making it up or anything? I'd do anything for you. Anything.
[lets go of Rachel] Okay Rachel, since this is your first time at this, I'm going to break it down for you. [sits down with Rachel]
Okay.
Guys and girls fall into certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit A: Santana, the weepy, hysterical drunk.
[crying] You like her more than me! She's blond and awesome and so smart. Admit it! Just admit it!
[confused]
No kiss me! [kisses Sam]
Lauren Zizes and Quinn, the anger girl drunks.
I can't believe what you did to my body! I used to have abs!
PPuck
Back off!
Who told you that hairstyle was cool? Geronimo?
PPuck
Chill out!
Brittany, the girl who also turns into a stripper drunk.
[dancing]
[throwing money into the air] Makin' it rain! [laughing] That's my girlfriend. I love you babe.
Mercedes and Tina, happy girl drunks.
MTMercedes and Tina
[laughing hysterically]
And then we come around full circle right back to you, Rachel. And right now you're being the needy girl drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey. It's not cool.
[frowns and pats Finn's back] What-What kind of girl is this? [stands up] Let's play spin the bottle!
[Everyone cheers.]
Who wants to play spin the bottle?! [to Finn] Spin the bottle.
You know what? A reminder. I owns that guppy mouth. Those shoddy Aerosmith lips belong to me, so.
[kisses Brittany]
[Everyone laughs and cheers except for Quinn.]
You know what? This is not...hey honeys, this is not a Big Red commercial, all right? No me gusta.
Whoo! Party! My turn. My turn. [spins the bottle and it lands on Blaine]
[Everyone oohs and laughs.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.