Will Schuester quotes from Glee

Will

Okay guys, I've got one word for you.

Brittany

Is it love? I'm totally going to graduate now!

Santana

[turns to Lauren] Whoa! Okay, I'm sorry. You just got eyes for my man.

Okay, first of all, I'm not your man.

Quinn

And Finn is right. All you ever do is insult us. Three weeks ago, you said you were disappointed that I didn't have a lizard baby.

Tina

Five minutes ago, you said Mr. Schue belonged into a twelve step program.

Will

Wait, what?

Santana

You're addicted to vests.

Rachel

The truth is, Santana, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Okay maybe you're right. Maybe I'm destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical of Willow, but the only job you're gonna have is working on a pole.

Santana

Fine. [gets up and leaves]

Will

Santana.

Brittany

[comforting Santana] Maybe try rocking back and forth. People do that in movies.

Santana

[crying] No 'cause I just try to be really, really honest with people but I think that they suck, you know?

Brittany

Yeah.

Santana

No one gets it.

Mike

[goes to comfort Tina]

Tina

[crying harder and turns to Mike] Everyday is Valentine's Day when I'm with you. I'm so overcome with love. I love you, Mike Chang.

Will

Okay, wow. That was powerful...almost too powerful. [goes to Mike and Tina]

Emma

Sue should join the Glee club.

Will

Wait, what?

Sue

No, rather be dead.

Will

Who can tell us what an anthem is?

Brittany

The bottom of an ant's pant.

Sue

Hey, where's the hate?

Will

Not the point of glee club, Sue.

Will

Isn't drinking under 21 illegal?

Figgins

The alcohol companies have been marketing alcoholic drinks to teenagers. In fact, just listen to any song by Key-dollar-sign-ha...

Will

You mean Ke$ha?

Finn

What about after we win Nationals?

Will

I'll buy the sparkling cider.

Will

All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie? You okay?

Artie

[still in shock] My life is over. How am I suppose to support a baby? [turns to Brittany] How could you not tell me about this?

Will

Wait, Brittany, are you pregnant?

Brittany

Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy.

Um, babies don't get dropped off.

Will

Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure.

Brittany

I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from.

Santana

[looks at Brittany in shock]

Sam

[smiles and shakes his head]

Will

[writes "Sexy" on the board] Sexy.

Santana

I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance.

Holly

Hola, clase.

Mercedes

Oh no, it's the salad lady.

Holly

Okay. So sex...it's just like hugging, only wetter.

Artie

Yeah it is.

Holly

Okay, so let's start with the basics. [to Finn] Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?

Finn

I have always been dubious.

Will

[strikes the piano keys]

Holly

[to Brittany] And Brittany, you think that storks bring babies?

Brittany

I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons.

Will

[strikes the piano again]

Will

Think of your favorite song of all time.

Brittany

My Headband.

Will

Okay what else?

Tina

She called the Ohio Secretary of State saying she was me and that I wanted to legally change my name to Tina Cohen-Loser.

Will

She. [sighs and writes "Loser" on the board] Okay, and how does that make you feel?

Finn

Well, at first it hurts but then it mostly makes you want to win.

Will

Guys, I think you may have just found your song. [writes "Like Me" on the board and circles "Loser Like Me"] Now let's get to writing.

Jesse

I was writing notes about how you didn't have enough emotion in the song.

Santana

Oh, is that so? Well I happen to have some feedback for you!

Will

Thank you, Santana.

Santana

I'm about to go all Lima Heights on you.