Celibacy, ladies. Dig it!
“Sexy” · Season 2, Episode 15
In this episode: Santana Lopez (7), Brittany Pierce (7), Will Schuester (6), Holly (6), Kurt Hummel (5), Puck (4), Artie Abrams (3), Finn Hudson (2)
[in a classroom] Demonstration: [holds a condom] this is a condom. Which can help prevent the spread of HIV, which can lead to AIDS. And it also prevents pregnancy. [holds a cucumber]
[shocked] Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS?
Seriously? 'Cause I just had them in my salad!
I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone. Okay? Especially Artie. [closes her locker and leaves]
Yeah, sure. Your secret's safe with- Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
[overhears and joins her] Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
PPuck
[walking with Lauren and overhears] It was only a matter of time.
For what?
PPuck
Brittany to get pregnant.
Oh. [sees Artie wheeling by] Congratulations!
For what?
You didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're going to be a baby daddy!
[silent and shocked]
In the chorus room:
All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie? You okay?
[still in shock] My life is over. How am I suppose to support a baby? [turns to Brittany] How could you not tell me about this?
Wait, Brittany, are you pregnant?
Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy.
PPuck
Um, babies don't get dropped off.
Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure.
I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from.
[looks at Brittany in shock]
[smiles and shakes his head]
I want to educate them, not titillate them.
In the chorus room:
[writes "Sexy" on the board] Sexy.
I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance.
Ms. Holiday!
[The glee club cheers loudly as she enters the room.]
Hola, clase.
Oh no, it's the salad lady.
Okay. So sex...it's just like hugging, only wetter.
Yeah it is.
Okay, so let's start with the basics. [to Finn] Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?
I have always been dubious.
[strikes the piano keys]
[to Brittany] And Brittany, you think that storks bring babies?
I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons.
[strikes the piano again]
So just remember whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random
[to Blaine] How are we gonna win Regionals if I have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin?
I've tried watching those movies but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once, and how they all have mothers and - God, what would their mothers think of them and WHY would you get that tattoo there?
I really like when we make out and stuff.
Which isn't cheating because?
The plumbing's different.
Look, let's be clear here. I'm not interested in any labels, unless it's on something I shoplift.
I don't know. Santana, I think we should talk to somebody, like an adult. This relationship is really confusing for me.
Breakfast is confusing for you.
Well, sometimes it's sweet, sometime it's salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner? Then what is it?
It's not about who you are attracted to ultimately, it's about who you fall in love with.
[Having "the talk" with his son] Now for most guys sex is, just, ya know, this thing we always want to do. Ya know, its fun, feels great, but we're not really thinking too much about, ya know, how it makes us feel on the inside, or, ya know, how the other person feels about it.
Women are different?
Only because they get that its about something more than just the physical. Ya know, when you're intimate with somebody, in that way, you're exposing yourself, ya know, you're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. Believe me, I can't tell you how many buddies I've got who have gotten way too deep with a girl who said she was cool with just hooking up.
But that's not going to happen to me, Dad.
No, its gonna be worse. Because its two guys. With two guys you got two people who think that sex is just sex. Its gonna be easier to come by. And once you start doing this stuff you're not going to want to stop. Yah just... you gotta know that it means something. You know, its doing something... to you, to your heart, to your self esteem, even though it feels like... you're just having fun.
So you're saying I shouldn't have sex?
I think on your 30th birthday it is a great gift to yourself.
[pause]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.