Figgins quotes from Glee

Sue

This is a travesty of international proportions. You are jeopardizing my Cheerios' role as goodwill ambassadors and I have a call in to the president.

Will

I have a Spanish quiz in which one of your cheerleaders misspelled her name and answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero.

Sue

You can't stand it. You can't stand it to see a woman in power. Your psychosexual derangement would be fascinating Will if it weren't so terrifying!!!

Figgins

Sue, Will did a little research. According to our test records, most of your cheerleaders are functionally illiterate!

Sue

Oh, so what?

Figgins

And why, only last Friday, at the football game they tried to spell out "Go team," and they spelled out "To game."

Will

Since 1992, 95% of your Cheerios should have flunked Spanish and I, for one, am not gonna be a part of it anymore.

Sue

Oh Will we all know about your devotion to that dying language!

Will

Dying language!?!

Sue

Let me break this down for you, okay? I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go on to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they wanna be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round off.

Figgins

I'm very sorry, but Glee Club is over!

Sue

[to Will] It's over!

Figgins

Sue, the directors, both from the Jane Addams Academy and Haverbrook School for the Deaf, have informed me that you gave them the New Directions' set list.

Sue

You have no proof.

Figgins

The set lists were on Cheerios' letterhead.

Sue

I didn't do it.

Figgins

They say, "From the desk of Sue Sylvester".

Sue

Circumstantial evidence.

Figgins

They're written in your handwriting!

Sue

Forgeries.

Figgins

Sue, there is an orgy of evidence stacked against you!

Sue

Well, you've clearly made up your mind not to be impartial in this case.

Sue

Cut my budget? You can't cut my budget without express permission of the president of the Federal Reserve!

Figgins

Oh, Sue, I think you can manage a sixth national title without confetti cannons!

Sue

Do you think your kids can manage life without their daddy?

Principal Figgins

Why, just this week, we've had five suspensions for intoxication on school grounds.

Figgins, you rock! [lifts his shirt] Yeah man!

Principal Figgins

Six suspensions.

Cheers.

Rachel

To Ke$ha!

Figgins

And now, performing the hit song Tik and also Tok, by rapper Key-dollar-sign-ha, New Directions.

Will

Isn't drinking under 21 illegal?

Figgins

The alcohol companies have been marketing alcoholic drinks to teenagers. In fact, just listen to any song by Key-dollar-sign-ha...

Will

You mean Ke$ha?

Principal Figgins

As you may have heard, our history teacher, Mrs. Hagberg, has been forced into retirement due to some memory problems.

Mrs. Hagberg

And that's how Germany won the Second World War.

Brittany

[walks up to Santana with her laptop] Happy Valentine's Day.

Santana

You're giving me your computer for Valentine's Day?

Brittany

It's a playlist, with all of the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you or when I'm thinking about you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, this is as far as I got without any help. Oh, and I made you a cover/ [shows Santana the album cover of the playlist, a picture of Santana hugging Brittany]

Santana

[smiles] Brittany, thank you.

Brittany

You're welcome.

Figgins

Teen Lesbians! I must see you in my office right now!

Santana

This is such bull crap! Why can't Brittany and I kiss in public, 'cause we're two girls?

Figgins

Please don't make this about your sapphic orientation.