Sookie St. James quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

It's a boy! Oh, I know nothing about little boys!

Sookie

Me neither.

Lorelai

So are you going to name him Lorelai?

Sookie

Absolutely, that wouldn't be confusing at all...

Sookie

A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.

Lorelai

Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.

Sookie

You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.

Lorelai

Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.

Sookie

We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale.

Lorelai

Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum.

Sookie

Boy, you really hate whales, don't you?

Lorelai

So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What would you like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God. He said, "The answer to the problems in the Mideast is, 'I have to poop.'"

Sookie

He got distracted.

Sookie

I was just wondering if it's going to be okay to set up a buffet in the dining room.

Emily

I don't know. What do you think Pennilyn Lott would do? You think she'd set it up in the dining room? Because personally, I think we should just toss some cheese cubes in the coffin, stuff some toothpicks in her mouth, and let the people go to town.

Sookie

Is she serious?

Sookie

If they're small enough to shove up our son's nose, they're too small!

No way could you shove one of these up Davey's nose.

Sookie

Bet you five bucks.

Get him in here!

Lorelai

[entering] Hey, guys. You probably shouldn't shove a radish up your son's nose. Just thinking out loud.

Sookie

Hey! It's a party. What's everybody doing up?

Lorelai

Aw, hey, good timing, Squiggy.

Sookie

I was just going to check on my loaves and make sure they're rising properly. The air's a little more humid than I thought it was going to be, and if the loaves aren't rising properly, then -- what are you doing? [They both pull Sookie closer to the sofa]

Lorelai

We need you to look at Kirk's butt.

Sookie

Why?

Lorelai

Well, because he ran into some rose bushes, and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.

Sookie

Me? Why me?

Lorelai

Well, because... you're a chef.

Sookie

What?

Luke

And you have a kid.

Lorelai

Yes, that's better. You have a kid.

Luke

Neither of us has kids. Well, she does, but it's big and -- and -- and can look at her own butt.

Sookie

Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? Your mother's house.

Lorelai

Ow...knife in the gut!

Lorelai

Sookie, first thing we agreed on opening the inn?

Sookie

What?

Lorelai

Keep Kirk away from the business?!!!

Lorelai

Figure as your little girls arrive, we'll have them here in the living room. We'll have the pocket doors to the dining room closed. Then, when it's time for breakfast, we'll open the doors, and voila, the full, beautiful effect.

Wonderful.

Lorelai

We'll have music with a nice little fanfare. You like Yanni?

Hate him with every fiber of my being.

Lorelai

Oh, good, we're in perfect sync. And then, we'll have small-scale tables set with china, a silver tea service, little plates, little cups, and twelve little chairs for all of them to sit on.

That's so cute.

Lorelai

: Yeah.

Michel

Wait, twelve? I thought there were six. Six little girls.

Lorelai

Six girls and their six dolls.

Michel

I beg your pardon?

Lorelai

This is a pancake breakfast for the girls and their dolls.

Michel

Get out of town.

Lorelai

I thought you knew that.

Michel

Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?

Lorelai

That's right.

Michel

Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.

Lorelai

I'm not paying attention to you anymore. [To the woman.] All right,well, I'll order everything, and all you have to do is show up.

The girls are looking forward to this. So are the dolls!

Lorelai

Aw, love that.

'Bye.

Lorelai

Okay, bye.

Michel

[watching her leave] Is she psychotic?

Lorelai

Shh.

Lorelai

It’s silly fun, Michel, girls love dolls. Chill.

Sookie

I'm making little pancakes for the dolls, and I found these little forks they can use.

Michel

They do not have opposable thumbs!

Sookie

Who, the girls? Oh, this is a handicapped group! Poor things.

Michel

No, the dolls.

Sookie

The dolls? How can a doll be handicapped?

Michel

My point exactly! They are plastic and made in Banglagor!

Lorelai

I'm gonna be distracted until we fix this.

Sookie

Don't worry, because when a relationship is right, things work out.

Lorelai

I hope so.

Sookie

I heard about this couple on one of those morning shows. Similar to you guys, all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, headed for marriage, and something happened, and they broke up their senior year in college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. Thay married different people.

Lorelai

They married different people?

Sookie

Had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died. And they were available again, and they talked, and they hooked up. And now they're together and they're happily in love after 40 years apart.

Lorelai

That's a horrible story.

Sookie

No, it's not.

Lorelai

What morning show was that on? I hate that story.

Sookie

But they ended up together.

Lorelai

Was it Katie Couric? She seems very dark to me.

Luke

Kitchen.

Sookie

Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?

Luke

Sookie?

Sookie

Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?

Luke

No.

Sookie

You don't put walnuts in your béchamel.

Luke

Sookie, I have things burning, so I-

Sookie

I thought I tasted walnuts. What things are you burning?

Luke

What do you mean you tasted walnuts?

Sookie

You want to get fancy, you can do that at your own diner. My béchamel sauce is classic.

Luke

How are you tasting the béchamel?

Sookie

And, I don't remember including goat cheese in the fennel salad.

Luke

How do you know what's in the fennel salad?

Sookie

So you admit it. You put goat cheese in the fennel salad.

Luke

Yeah, I put goat cheese in the fennel salad. It goes good in the fennel salad, and you had it sitting there.

Sookie

And I also have some Brillo pads sitting there. You want to toss a couple of those into the fennel salad, as well? Hmmm?

Luke

How do you know all this?

Sookie

I just assumed.

Luke

You just assumed that I put goat cheese in the fennel salad?

Sookie

And walnuts in the béchamel.

Luke

I did not put walnuts in- Sookie, are you having people bring you my food?

Sookie

I will give it a 9.

Lorelai

9+

Sookie

What will make it a 10?

Lorelai

Another half point.

Sookie

Good. Because the eyes will give you away.

Lorelai

What do you mean?

Sookie

When you're thinking of bolting. They'll pop out on you, like that Runaway Bride. It's like the eyes are trying to runaway first.