My mother — she was here. I can feel it. Smell that? The room smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5.
“The Hobbit, The Sofa and Digger Stiles” · Season 4
In this episode: Lorelai Gilmore (5), Rory Gilmore (3), Sookie St. James (1)
It's shopping week.
Isn't it always?
The first week of school is called shopping week. You get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the semester. I picked over fifty classes I'm gonna try out, plus another ten I'm gonna squeeze in if I have the time. They all sound completely amazing. I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions over and over.
You do know that if you weren't so pretty, you would've gotten the crap kicked out of you every day of your life.
They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.
Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment.
You win.
Well, you could come out and say, "Grandma, this furniture is very nice. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a dorm room, and I cannot guarantee that the other people will love it as much as I do, and I worry about expensive equipment getting stolen, and it's just maybe too much right now."
That sounds good.
Okay. And then my mother will say, "Rory, your grandfather and I are paying for you to go to Yale. We are enabling you to have this rarefied education, and you're being ungrateful and small-minded, and I resent it. I am hurt on a level you will not be able to understand until you yourself have a daughter or a granddaughter who will cut your heart out the way you've just cut mine out, and I hope that small veneer of independence that you've extracted from this incident is worth the complete and total alienation of the grandparents who have done nothing but love you and thought of you only."
Or I could keep the furniture.
And take heart in knowing that when it comes to controlling a person, my mother targeted my soul, my independence, and my entire future, and at least with you, she threw in an ottoman.
A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.
Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.
You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.
Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.
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