[Emily's friend "Sweetie" has just died.]
Was that her real name — "Sweetie"?
No, her name was "Melinda". "Sweetie" was a nickname.
I mean, how did they get "Sweetie" from "Melinda"?
They didn't get "Sweetie" from "Melinda". "Sweetie" is a nickname.
Yes, I know "Sweetie" was a nickname, but usually, a nickname comes from a version of your name, or there's a story behind the name or something.
She was sweet. That's the story.
: She had a very sweet nature.
Well, what kind of story did you want, Lorelai?
No, that's fine. She was sweet. They called her "Sweetie". It's a good story.
No, really. Exactly what kind of story about my recently departed friend would amuse you?
Mom, it's not to amuse me. It's…
All right, fine. Sweetie's father was a very poor man — so poor that Sweetie and her four siblings all had to sleep in a hollowed-out tree trunk because the house was only big enough for their parents. One winter, there was no food, so Sweetie crawled out of her trunk, wrapped her feet in newspaper, and walked forty miles in the snow to the nearest town, where she stumbled into a candy store. The owner took pity on her and gave her bags of candy, a dill pickle, and drove her back to her family. He promptly offered a job to her father, who gladly accepted and eventually owned that store and turned it into one of the most important candy emporiums in the world. And that is how she got the name "Sweetie". There, how was that?
Now, that was a pretty good story.
Nigella just made a raisin cake that looked so good, the fact that raisins make me gag became totally irrelevant.
Well, good, more ordering choices.
Oh, my God, she's about to deep-fry a Bounty Bar. I want to move in with her and call her Mommy. Do you mind?
You know, it's so weird. I know so little about Gran. I mean, like, what was her maiden name?
Wait. Y-you're not saying -
She and Charles were second cousins.
Oh, don't act so scandalized. It was not at all uncommon for prominent families to keep the bloodlines closed.
Keeping the bloodlines closed. Is that what we're calling it?
Well, what would you call it?
Oh, I don't know. How about "Good morning, Appalachia, I got a mighty cute sister and an extra set of toes."
This is to your father. It's a carbon copy of a letter she sent to your father.
[reading] "My Dearest Richard, It is with heavy heart that I write you this letter tonight, but I cannot stand by and let you make a terrible mistake. Until now, I had thought, hoped, prayed that you would come to the same conclusion that I have. But you have not, and therefore, I feel it is my duty as your mother to beg you to reconsider your impending marriage." [Lorelai gasps.] "I'm sure that Emily is a very suitable woman for someone, but not for you. She will not be able to make you happy. She does not have the Gilmore stamina or spark. She is simply not a Gilmore."
Well, sure, 'cause you weren't directly related to him.
[continues reading] "I don't know the circumstances surrounding your breakup with Pennilyn Lott, but it is still my belief that she is much better suited for you than Emily." [Voice breaking] "I know that the timing of this is particularly awkward, since you are to be married tomorrow."
[reading] "But your happiness is too important to me, so timing be damned."
