Zoidberg quotes from Futurama

Zoidberg

[While doing a Russian dance] Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Oy! Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Oy!

Fry

There's no denying it; the future's crazy. Oh, well. Don't want to stand out.

Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Oy! Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Oy!

Zoidberg

There's nothing crazy about it! It's just freedom day! [Garbles like crazy]

Fry

Wow! Nude hot-tubbing - that's all I need to hear about Freedom Day!

Dr. Zoidberg

Then consider the following lecture a bonus.

Leela

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?

Dr. Zoidberg

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Fry

What kind of bozos would form a Bender protest group?

Prof. Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have formed a Bender protest group.

Dr. Zoidberg

That was uncanny.

Dr. Zoidberg

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party, one of the most social events imaginable? Is a trap, is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots! [pause] I don't hear any gasping.

Leela

We all figured that out.

Dr. Zoidberg

Aw...

Bender

My dreams are over before they began!

Dr. Zoidberg

[happily] Welcome to my life! [starts crying]

Farnsworth

Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer.

Fry

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.

Dr. Zoidberg

Why?

Fry

'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Dr. Zoidberg

I can so relate to that.

Leela

Enough with the emotions. This isn't a fat camp.

Hermes

Sweet coincidence of Port-Au-Prince! We're back on Earth!

Prof. Farnsworth

Of course! That was the Panama Wormhole, the universe's central transportation channel.

Dr. Zoidberg

[Chuckles] How humorous.

Prof. Farnsworth

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel, and we're on it now.

Bender

Why did I do partying, I hate partying! [continues partying] WOO! More Partying!

Amy Wong

Quiet, Bender.

Professor Farnsworth

Cut it out.

Hermes Conrad

Shush!

Dr. Zoidberg

[mumbles gibberish]

Leela Leela

Bender, Shut the Hell Up!

Hermes

When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

Zoidberg

Or one!

Zoidberg

Don't worry, I know how to handle bullies, just pretend like you're pathetic. [Brett Blob comes towards him and Cubert] Help! I'm scared. I wet myself, I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee. But what else is new!

Hahaha the pee babies peed themselves! I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.

Zoidberg

Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon?

Cubert

I highly doubt a Jurassic Elaphrosaurus has access to neckwear.

Zoidberg

I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

Fry

So Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.

Hermes

You aren't, are you?

Fry

Of course not, but I was willing to lie about it! What more can a man do?

Hermes

A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

Fry

Yes! I can put my mind in a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.

Zoidberg

Friends, friends! I have barnacles in my tuchus! [opens his trousers to reveal barnacles on his buttocks]

Hermes

[to Fry] The long search is over.

Fry

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people.

Leela

How dare you? You wanna understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump, or a Zoidberg face!

Zoidberg

[freaked-out] Urgh!

Leela

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Fry

I would, but I just ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

Leela

Yeah. That's what I thought. You are all surface.

Zoidberg

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking?

Prof. Farnsworth

[gasps] It's an albino humping worm!

Fry

Why do they call it that?

Prof. Farnsworth

Because it doesn't have any pigment.