Zoidberg quotes from Futurama

Bender

What is the world coming to? That Fry is a sicko poivert, I tell ya! Dating a robot... it's an attrocimacy!

Leela

But Fry is our friend, Bender.

Bender

Ah, geez! Would you stifle there, meatbag?

Leela

You stifle, Bender!

Dr. Zoidberg

Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

Dr. Zoidberg

[revealing a huge bag of popcorn behind a door] At least we've got food.

Leela

Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag!

Dr. Zoidberg

Hooray!

Leela

And don't eat it!

Dr. Zoidberg

Awww...

Bender

Danny Boy?! You're at my funeral, singing about some stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Zoidberg

I'm expressing my sorrow!

Bender

Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too!

Quick to the escape tunnels!

This way, dammit!

Zoidberg

Mmm, delicious! Just like stale marshmallows! [A cherry appears in front of him.] Ooh, and a cherry!

Fry

Hey! Watch out! [He gets eaten by Zoidberg]

Zoidberg

Uh oh.

Leela

Oh, my God. He ate Fry. Fry is dead!

Fry

Its OK. I had another guy.

Leela

Why did you bring us here?

Dr. Zoidberg

And why did I have to take a cab?

Farnsworth

What do you nice kids want?

Zoidberg

Nothing. I'm leaving. But if you had extra courage I'd haul it away for you, maybe.

Farnsworth

Oh blithery poop, my cowardly lobster. You don't need courage. After all, who needs courage when you have a gun?

What's your purpose?

Zoidberg

Alright, officer, I'll move it along.

What the general means is, why did you come to Earth?

Zoidberg

Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Leela

Anything yet, professor?

Prof. Farnsworth

I'm afraid the Smelloscope can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's being overwhelmed by local sources.

Dr. Zoidberg

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?

Dr. Zoidberg

Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?

Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Dr. Zoidberg

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

Dr. Zoidberg

Oh, I'm ruined! [crying] Why?

Fry

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

Bender

[muttering] Shut your fat mouth!

Fry

See you guys Monday!

Professor Farnsworth

Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. [Zoidberg excitedly tries to reach the bottle] Get--! [furiously snatches the bottle away] For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not with your claws!

Fry

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch.

Dr. Zoidberg

Oh, boy!

Professor Farnsworth

Oh, God! My tract! [clutches his stomach]

[after Dr. Zoidberg bent his sword to his body, breaking it; screams] That sword cost $5000!

Dr. Zoidberg

Fry did it! [flees the scene]

Fry

Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here...

Dr. Zoidberg

Also Zoidberg!

Fry

So let's open the gifts!

Kif

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life! You all brought such wonderful gifts. But the greatest gift...

Bender

Mine!

Kif

...is the bond I share with my smizmar, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me will depend on us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing. And shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth and pull us down, down, down into the deep, dark waters of commitment.

Dr. Zoidberg

That's so beautiful!

Leela

Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?

Fry

Hey, Zoidberg! Get in here!

Dr. Zoidberg

[faintly, from another room] Screw you!

Leela

Ain't got that.

Fry

Nope.