Brad quotes from Boston Legal

Shock and awe, boys, shock and awe.

[to Denise] So let me ask you this: in Italian does the word 'vagina' mean something else?

[about Judge Hooper] So how can such a little bald man like that end up with such a beautiful wife?

I outrank you.

Alan

And I'm such a slut for authority.

Alan

You two have had sex!

We're not territorial about that sort of thing, are we?

Feel free to mock me all you want, but don't you dare ridicule our troops.

Alan

Just so I'm clear, I should feel free to mock you.

Alan

Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?

Paul

She's got a trial in New York later this week, so she has a busy day.

Some of us have trials today, so if you don't mind, I'd like to cut out.

Lori

What's your case about, Brad?

Alan

What is it about?

It involves interference with contractual relations.

Alan

You mean...lesbians?

Paul

Where are you?

Today, they're calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was-

Alan

Lesbian ex-lover.

-to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bone-fide...

Alan

Lesbian?

You like saying it?

Alan

I do.

Say it again.

Alan

Lesbian.

Keep going.

Alan

LESBIAN! LESBIAN! Lez-bee-un. All together now!

Lesbian!

Alan

I also like to watch. How many people like to-

Paul

All right, that's enough, this is a staff meeting. I'll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.

Catherine

Cookies everyone! Nourishment is most important in the morning.

Paul

Who is this woman?

Catherine

Take two, Tara, you're a rail.

Alan

Hey Brad! All together now!

Lesbian!

Catherine

Isn't coffee a lovely drug? I love brain stimulants, don't you? Uh, Catherine Piper!

Brad Chase.

Catherine

Brad Chase? You're defending a lesbian!

Lori

Hi! I'm Lori Colson, we haven't officially met.

Catherine

Hello, dear. Catherine Piper.

Lori

For the future, I don't really appreciate comments about my hair.

Catherine

Oh! I'm sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. And I assumed you wouldn't want me to go anywhere near your eyebrows.

Tara

Nymphomania?

Shirley

Anything you can find. And we'll need to line up an expert who can testify, possibly as soon as tomorrow.

It's not a real disease. It's an excuse offered up by sex perv sickos.

Shirley

Yes, Brad. Thank you for that.

Lori

It's also a sexist diagnosis, as well as bogus. If a man was running around trying to schtup everything he could, we wouldn't say that he had a disease. We would just call him…

Denny

[entering, uttering his signature line] Denny Crane.

Shirley

Exactly.

Don't you two have anything else to do?

Garrett

We're discussing a case, sir.

It's not a case. It's an abuse of the judicial process.

Garrett

Yes, we're discussing that.

Do you know your briefcase is smoking?

Alan

This is the season, Brad. Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble and so forth.

This is a law firm.

Alan

Thank you for that.

You need to stand up and deliver this closing.

Alan

Will the clown be there?

Melissa

[to Alan] I will not be objectified...

[to Alan] I told you to interview.

Frank

You attacked a man, cutting off his fingers. As someone who took an oath to uphold the law, yes, I take that personally.

Good sound bite, Frank. Might want to save it for the cameras.

Denny

While everyone was whining about Bev, you were actually trying to take her out. I admire that. You have very large testicles, my friend.

Well. Thank you Denny, I'm flattered you have that opinion of me.

Denny

It's not my opinion. I saw you in the shower at the gym. Good God!