Shirley quotes from Boston Legal

Shirley

Milton, I consider you a friend. Actually I don't, I find you a bit boorish...

Shirley

I make over a million dollars a year, and I'm in a basement looking for a dead midget.

Shirley

Who decides when it's OK to make fun of a religion?

Shirley

[to Denise and Brad] We are lawyers. We sue people. We do not abduct.

Shirley

[to Father Ryan] Do I dare ask where those three fingers have been prior to my client chopping them off?

Shirley

[to Ivan] What I can tell you is, there is no back door. That post-nup is as tight as your soon to be sixth ex-wife's tushy.

Shirley

When you came here I made one request, Jeffrey. One simple request, "Don't step on toes." Silly me for not adding, "Don't punch jaws."

Shirley

[to Lincoln] We all live our lives on a ledge. And it takes surprisingly little to push us over.

Shirley

Lincoln! Suck...my...lobe.

Shirley

[to Alan] This was one of Edwin Poole's cases. Somehow it managed to slip through my cracks, so I was sure you'd find it especially tasty.

Shirley

[during closing arguments in court] I'm simply saying that we, as a people, as a nation, like to feel pretty. It's who we are. And if it means a few young rabbits have to sacrifice their lives, well, they and their families can take heart because they did so for their country. Because, when you think about it, all we really hope for at this point is to save face.

Denny

You left me, Shirley. Women don't leave Denny Crane. And for a secretary!

Shirley

It was the Secretary of Defense.

Lori

What are you doing out here?

Shirley

Just looking at the city. Still trying to fathom that-

Lori

The Red Sox won?

Alan

Shirley? [sighs] What about senior partners? There would be nothing wrong with me...lusting, say, after you? Would there?

Shirley

Go subscribe to National Geographic. Make a list of the places you'll never get to visit. Add to that list, Schmidt.

Denny

Lock and load. Where is everybody?

Paul

This is an administrative meeting, Denny.

Denny

Oh! Then what the hell am I doing here?

Shirley

Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?

Denny

Didn't need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?

Shirley

I wouldn't know. I was usually asleep.

Denny

I once had her...and Streisand...at the same time. Remember that?

Shirley

Hahhh, I do Denny. Ha ha. And not to burst your bubble, but that was a male impersonator. Perhaps the penis might have been your clue.