I wonder if sometimes I get married just to have someone listen to my stories again.
Not a terrible reason.
“...There's Fire!” · Season 2, Episode 17
In this episode: Denny Crane (11), Alan Shore (9), Shirley (5), Paul (4), Brad (2), Bev (1)
You never talk about your wife. What was she like?
She had all the most delectable qualities one could hope for. Creativity, desire, zealotry, a gorgeous clavicle, healthy lack of inhibition.
Sounds spectacular. What happened?
She began...to know me too well and I began to hate her for it. Even when I was unpredictable, she'd predict it. For those of us who aspire to be original, it's the worst sort of banality. She died. I've missed that banality ever since.
BBev
Denny? I love you. But, I love Hawaii more.
Well, you'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane. That makes you a large fish in a very small pond.
While everyone was whining about Bev, you were actually trying to take her out. I admire that. You have very large testicles, my friend.
BBrad
Well. Thank you Denny, I'm flattered you have that opinion of me.
It's not my opinion. I saw you in the shower at the gym. Good God!
Congratulations. I saw you were the lucky one who caught Bev's garter.
Yes. I'm going for a full battery of tests first thing in the morning.
You had sex with another woman and your wife in the three hours you were married?
It was my special day. I had taken my little blue pill.
There is no cure for cancer, but we've got three pills for that.
White roses, gold leaf cake, Bev's boobs swimming out of her wedding dress.
BBrad
Who said money can't buy tastelessness?
I think Bev and Denny did a lovely job.
11 marriages between the two of them. They've had plenty of practice.
…You're not losing an Alan, you're gaining a Bev, the girl of your recent dreams.
Alan, you're my best friend. If you want, you can dream about her, too.
Denny, you're generous to a fault.
Ahhh. I wish you and I were getting married. That's you and I. Both of us. To others. I'm not gay.
I heard you the first Freudian slip.
Why'd he fire you?
JZJoan Zeder
Well, one day, six weeks ago, he brings us all in for a staff meeting. And he says, “Due to the spiraling costs of health care insurance, all smokers have exactly six weeks to quit. At which point I'll test their system for nicotine and if you fail the urine test, then you'll be terminated.” Fired! Friggin' health Nazi. You know, I got rent to pay. And of course, I tried to quit. You know, I wanted to! I did the patch and I did that little nicotine sucky thing, you know, but the more I imagined losing my job the more I panicked. And the more I panicked, the more I smoked. Now I'm up to three packs a day. And today was the day, he made me pee in a cup and then he fired me!
Well, unless that's some kind of sex game with your lover, I find it appalling and we won't let him do it.
Brad. Mr Granger chuckles. There'll be no divorce.
EGEli Granger
I beg your pardon?
Bev and I had an agreement. When we first got together she told me that I could sleep with whomever I wanted. Delmonico's Restaurant. January 14th. Happiest night of my life. So I had sex with another woman. Or a Navy Burberry. Not sure which. But the point is, she granted me the right to tomcat and I exercised that right. No divorce.
I have a similar bit of wisdom I like to share. We can do this my way or another way that will have you writing a very large check and crying like a baby.
Doing nothing is what I'll regret most. I have devoted my life to keeping this firm an outstanding institution. Now, in the twilight of my career, this, this mess could destroy my reputation. All because Denny cannot control his aged groin.
Thank you, Brad, for telling me that. It couldn't have been easy. You're fired.
Brad Chase: What?
Denny Crane: Name on the door. See ya.
[Brad walks out and runs into Shirley]
BCBrad Chase
He fired me. I'm a partner! He fired me.
Brad. The review committee will take care of this. He can't just fire you without consulting the partners!
BCBrad Chase
Of course he can. He's Denny Crane. His name's on the door. If he wants me gone, I'm gone.
That may be, but still...
So help me, if you say “It's still your name on the door”, I will shoot you with one of your own guns.
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