Lori quotes from Boston Legal

That's it? Two questions. That was your cross?

Lori

I didn't have much to cross him with, Warren.

Then what was the point of your questions? Tell me that.

Lori

I was trying to establish that you were coerced. The judge doesn't shock easily but maybe the jury does.

Oh, I see; you were going for shock value. Well, maybe you could've really gone for it and asked three questions.

Lori

What are you doing out here?

Shirley

Just looking at the city. Still trying to fathom that-

Lori

The Red Sox won?

Alan

Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?

Paul

She's got a trial in New York later this week, so she has a busy day.

Some of us have trials today, so if you don't mind, I'd like to cut out.

Lori

What's your case about, Brad?

Alan

What is it about?

It involves interference with contractual relations.

Alan

You mean...lesbians?

Paul

Where are you?

Today, they're calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was-

Alan

Lesbian ex-lover.

-to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bone-fide...

Alan

Lesbian?

You like saying it?

Alan

I do.

Say it again.

Alan

Lesbian.

Keep going.

Alan

LESBIAN! LESBIAN! Lez-bee-un. All together now!

Lesbian!

Alan

I also like to watch. How many people like to-

Paul

All right, that's enough, this is a staff meeting. I'll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.

Catherine

Cookies everyone! Nourishment is most important in the morning.

Paul

Who is this woman?

Catherine

Take two, Tara, you're a rail.

Alan

Hey Brad! All together now!

Lesbian!

Catherine

Isn't coffee a lovely drug? I love brain stimulants, don't you? Uh, Catherine Piper!

Brad Chase.

Catherine

Brad Chase? You're defending a lesbian!

Lori

Hi! I'm Lori Colson, we haven't officially met.

Catherine

Hello, dear. Catherine Piper.

Lori

For the future, I don't really appreciate comments about my hair.

Catherine

Oh! I'm sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. And I assumed you wouldn't want me to go anywhere near your eyebrows.

Lori

And what exactly is your defense?

Alan

Something like let him go even though he did it.

Lori

Jury nullification?

Alan

Best I can tell, though Shirley hasn't really filled me in.

Shirley

Talking about me?

Alan

Yes Shirley. If you so enjoy keeping me in the dark, you really should give me a try…in the dark.

Lori

Wait, this firm is actually going to help Milton Bombay be put on ice?

Catherine

Oh, come now Lori. You of all people should know it's not so bad to go through life as a popsicle.

Tara

Nymphomania?

Shirley

Anything you can find. And we'll need to line up an expert who can testify, possibly as soon as tomorrow.

It's not a real disease. It's an excuse offered up by sex perv sickos.

Shirley

Yes, Brad. Thank you for that.

Lori

It's also a sexist diagnosis, as well as bogus. If a man was running around trying to schtup everything he could, we wouldn't say that he had a disease. We would just call him…

Denny

[entering, uttering his signature line] Denny Crane.

Shirley

Exactly.

Shirley

He is ultimately a benign man who we all happen to care about, including you. I think what you really mean to do is voice your concern unofficially.

Lori

I'm making an official complaint. If there's forms to be filled out please have them sent to my office. [walks away]

Shirley

You little bitch.