Judge Sanders quotes from Boston Legal

Ten A.M. tomorrow. And I would ask Counsel to check his sense of humor at the door. My courtroom is a temple of decorum. And I do not tolerate jibber-jabber.

Mr. Shore! The court instructed you not to poop!

I've had enough of all this! Mr. Crane, you had no excuse to be carrying a gun.

Denny

(To Judge Sanders) Second Amendment! Founding Fathers! You probably knew them.

Jibber Jabber!

What is this jibber jabber?

Alan

That wouldn't be jibber jabber, Your Honor, that's a gun.

(to Alan) I think I have enough probable cause, Mr. Shoup. The victim is in the hospital.

Alan

Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.

Denny

(Closing Argument) Who the hell are we kidding? Defense Attorneys make their living helping their clients get away with murder. We put rapists back on the streets knowing they're gonna rape again. Let's not pretend that we don't aid and abet crime. But the key is: Make sure we cover our asses. Defense attorneys do that better than anybody. Now, Alan Shore covered his. He knew he couldn't legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run, and he expressly told him he couldn't give him such advice. Did Mr. Mkeba get the message anyway? Sure, but technically, Alan Shore didn't break the law. Ass covered, over and out. Not guilty, simple as that. Oh, and here's another thing about asses: (Turns to District Attorney Kupfer) Not you, we'll get to you in a second. If you have a lot of success against the D.A.'s office, and Alan Shore's had a lot. Especially against this putz, beats him every time.

Objection.

Sustained. Mr. Crane.

Denny

I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success, and eventually, you get a giant bullseye painted on your bottom. (Pulls down pants, revealing bullseye painted on his boxers)

Objection!

Sustained! Mr. Crane!

Denny

I'm just trying to make a point, your honor. (To jury) Alan Shore, was the target. He has a bigger bullseye on his ass than I have on mine. And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it! He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. There's a vendetta. He wants my client, anyway he can get him, and that's the only reason we're here. Reasonable doubt? You all know that. Last name Crane. First name Denny. Not Guilty! Over and out.

Silence! Mr. Shore, you are the defendent! I don't want to hear another poop out of you! How do you plea?

Alan

Not guilty by reason of the District Attorney's insanity.

Alright, we'll set-That's not a real plea!

Alan

Not guilty then.

Hold on just one second; are you a midget?

Bethany

Are you an imbecile?

Uh...objection!

Denny

Sustained.

Denny

Objection!

Overruled!

Denny

Objection!

Sustained!

First of all, I will say, for the record, I don't believe in all that moisturizer, botox, fountain of youth poopycock!

Shirley

Oh please, Judge, how else could you look like you do at a hundred?

Alright, this would probably be a good time for a bowel movement. Er, Lunch! I mean lunch. Uh, 2 o'clock?

Alan

Could we say 2:30 and make time for both?

Silence! I won't stand for your... your...

Alan

Poop?