Paul quotes from Boston Legal

Paul

You shot out your client's kneecap!

Paul

Doing nothing is what I'll regret most. I have devoted my life to keeping this firm an outstanding institution. Now, in the twilight of my career, this, this mess could destroy my reputation. All because Denny cannot control his aged groin.

Denny

I'm still a good lawyer.

Paul

Yes, you are. [pauses] You remember Muhammad Ali's last fight? We had ringside seats. He lost so pathetically to Larry Holmes; we were so crushed. The tragedy that night, Denny, wasn't that he couldn't still box; he could. The tragedy was that he still thought he was Ali. You're a good lawyer, my friend. You're just not Denny Crane.

Paul

Denny will ask the questions. If you [Alan] attempt to ask the witness anything at all, you will be fired.

Alan

There's a legal term for this...ah yes, "ooooo"

Denny

Lock and load. Where is everybody?

Paul

This is an administrative meeting, Denny.

Denny

Oh! Then what the hell am I doing here?

Shirley

Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?

Denny

Didn't need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?

Shirley

I wouldn't know. I was usually asleep.

Denny

I once had her...and Streisand...at the same time. Remember that?

Shirley

Hahhh, I do Denny. Ha ha. And not to burst your bubble, but that was a male impersonator. Perhaps the penis might have been your clue.

Alan

Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?

Paul

She's got a trial in New York later this week, so she has a busy day.

Some of us have trials today, so if you don't mind, I'd like to cut out.

Lori

What's your case about, Brad?

Alan

What is it about?

It involves interference with contractual relations.

Alan

You mean...lesbians?

Paul

Where are you?

Today, they're calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was-

Alan

Lesbian ex-lover.

-to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bone-fide...

Alan

Lesbian?

You like saying it?

Alan

I do.

Say it again.

Alan

Lesbian.

Keep going.

Alan

LESBIAN! LESBIAN! Lez-bee-un. All together now!

Lesbian!

Alan

I also like to watch. How many people like to-

Paul

All right, that's enough, this is a staff meeting. I'll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.

Catherine

Cookies everyone! Nourishment is most important in the morning.

Paul

Who is this woman?

Catherine

Take two, Tara, you're a rail.

Alan

Hey Brad! All together now!

Lesbian!

Denny

What are you doing in my office?

Paul

This is my office, Denny.

Denny

Oh, that must mean I've come to see you...why?

The rich are different from you and me.

Paul

Certainly from you.

Alan

Congratulations. I saw you were the lucky one who caught Bev's garter.

Paul

Yes. I'm going for a full battery of tests first thing in the morning.

Paul

You had sex with another woman and your wife in the three hours you were married?

Denny

It was my special day. I had taken my little blue pill.

Shirley

There is no cure for cancer, but we've got three pills for that.

Shirley

White roses, gold leaf cake, Bev's boobs swimming out of her wedding dress.

Who said money can't buy tastelessness?

Alan

I think Bev and Denny did a lovely job.

Paul

11 marriages between the two of them. They've had plenty of practice.

Paul

My God, we need to gag this woman.

Denny

I did once. Best sexual experience of my life.

Paul

Denny, you have got to gag this woman.

Denny

I would love to.

Paul

Have you seen Shirley?

Denny

Naked?

Paul

Lately. She's missing.

This is so high school.

Paul

As opposed to you and Jeffrey slugging it out in the men's room?

I won.

Jeffrey

Did not!

Paul

Shut up!