American Dad! · Season 9
[repeatedly tries to kill the IHOP terrorist] This is terrible! You're hurting us both almost equally! Nobody's winning here! This is awful! Aw, man! He's still reachin'! Aw, gee whiz! [repeatedly slams a tray on the terrorist] Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! [the terrorist is finally dead] [sighs] It's over.
[sets to leave] I won't have what he's having.
You know that beautiful girl Jenna I've kinda had my eye on?
Is this the same girl whose picture you put in your pajama bottoms before you go to bed?
You know about that?
Who do you think takes your pajamas off at night?
[after hitting Steve in the head (Roger's) with a vase] Aw, I shouldn't have hit him in the face. That's my face.
[Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi have lost the video game in which they were to stop Hitler's mother from giving birth to him]
I know he's gonna be a monster, but I do love babies.
[after Stan has abandoned Steve and his friends in the woods]
I can't believe my dad ditched us here.
[in Japanese] And he dishonored us by taking our cell phones.
Guys, how long do you think we can last out here?
I don't know. But if we're gonna die, I'm not goin' out a virgin.
[he hugs a nearby tree]
Well, if trees count, then I'm Wilt Chamberlain.
[Stan looks at his reflection in the mirror after transforming into a woman]
Oh, my God! Sir! Either I've gone crazy, or I've turned into a woman!
What's the difference?
[he and Stan laugh]
Hey, screw you!
[points at Stan] See that woman over there? I'm going to rail her.
[rings a bell] Oh! We got one!
[other bartenders approach]
[sing] You say you're gonna rail her.
We're really glad to hear.
And after you've completed,
she'll be grinning ear to ear! HEY!
I love the family atmosphere here.
[on radio] Hello. I'm Ira Glass. With a $35 pledge, you can get the feeling... of paying for radio. It's an indescribable... sensation.
[shows Hayley a video demonstration] By precisely targeting a barrage of missiles your dad acquired for us, we'll reshape the contemptible fascists of Mt. Rushmore into history's greatest leftists!
Sean Penn, Michael Moore, and Captain Planet.
Why didn't you change Jefferson?
Well, he freed the slaves, so he stays.
Mom, hands. Eggs. Make.
[to Francine] You! Hold it right there! [to Hayley] You! Make your own eggs! [to his reflection in the mirror] You! Stay beautiful.
[after the cab crashes] Did the cabbie survive?
No. Damn fool was driving sober.
[after a giant inflatable gorilla breaks his fall and it deflates]
'Twas beauty killed the beast.
[after his last attempt to remove the wine stain from the couch has failed, Roger lights a match and sets it on fire]
[leaves the den] We need a new couch!
And the pappy goes to... my man, Stan Smith!
[Stan comes up on stage to accept his award]
Thank you, Alan Thicke. This is amazing.
[suddenly, the background, which is the back of the garage door, opens up, revealing Thicke's wife in her car]
Honey, I told ya, I'm using the garage for my awards show! Park on the street!
I'm so sick of this crap, Alan!
You're ruining my thing!
But he still has his job, right? I can keep my finery?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
