American Dad! quotes

[Stan comes in, dressed for the ball game]

Stan

Good morning, kiddo. Sorry again about missing your birthday. What do you say I take you to a ball game?

[holds up tickets]

Steve

Sorry, man. Got other plans.

Stan

What's the problem? I'm trying to bond with him.

Francine

Well, you're too late. Steve's at the age where he doesn't care about going to a ball game with his dad. All he's interested in is girls. He doesn't want ball games, he just wants to ball dames. Huh? Huh?

Stan

Ahh. [laughs] Ah-hah. Ohh.

Roger

So, will you be paying your $20 in cash or... [notices the Frat Boys driving and dashing him] Hey!

Roger

I don't believe it. I treated them with nothing but respect and civility, and they want to stiff me!? [he then gets mad and the camera closes up to his eyes as he squints. Roger is about to go on a rampage of revenge. He then drives the limo towards the first to-be-killed Frat Boy]

Klaus

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Roger

You don't mess with a man's dream.

[The first to-be-killed Frat Boy is in Roger's sights and Roger runs him over, killing the first Frat Boy.]

Klaus

WHOA! Dude, you killed him!

Roger

[as he crosses off the first Frat Boy he killed on a picture he took earlier] One down, four to go.

Klaus

You're really gonna kill five people over $20?

Roger

Are you really asking that to the guy who, just last week, killed six people over $19?

Klaus

[downcast] Oh, yeah...

[Cut to the funeral for the first-killed Frat Boy, who's name is revealed to be Tad. Four of the remaining Frat Boys carry Tad's corpse to his grave.]

[Just as the four Frat Boys are close by the grave, the Dixie car horn is heard and the scene goes in slow motion as Roger enters the funeral and runs over both Frat Boy #2 and Frat Boy #3, killing them. As that was happening, the crowd exclaims in horror as the corpse of Tad is ejected out of the coffin and lands in the front limo window, making Klaus cry in fear.]

Roger

Oh, my God, is that on the inside or the outside? [uses windshield wipers to wipe off the corpse] Oh, it's on the outside.

[Roger crosses off the next two Frat Boys he killed on his photo and then drives off, spilling the blood of the corpses of the two dead Frat Boys on everyone who was watching.]

[Meanwhile, Frat Boy #4 and Frat Boy #5 are at a bowling alley while Frat Boy #4 is in fear of what happened earlier.]

[As Frat Boy #4 goes into the bathroom, we cut to him splashing water on his face and he sighs. He then goes into a stall to take a number two while reading a magazine. He then notices the limo as he looks down underneath the stall door. He is worried at first, but the limo drives away.]

[He then opens the stall door as he is about to leave, but he finds the limo right in front of him as the limo plays the Dixie horn again. His face is already in shock and horror as the limo impales his lower half and destroying the stall. Frat Boy #4's blood then goes down the bathroom floor drain, as in a reference to the 1960 horror movie, Psycho.]

[Realizing that he wasn't gonna be fine, Frat Boy #5 packs up everything he needs in his apartment. Before he closes his suitcase, he looks out the window and then closes his suitcase. The scene cuts to an airplane taking off. With Frat Boy #5 inside, he takes a deep breath and get out his iPod with earbuds, puts them in his ears and reads a magazine. He then notices the limo on the airplane's left wing and the Limo plays the Dixie horn one last time as it drives towards Frat Boy #5. He screams as he tried to escape the airplane, but ended up getting killed along with three others by the limo that drove through the plane, causing everyone else on the plane to scream as air masks drop down. The plane then explodes in the air as it falls down. Roger and Klaus are floating down to safety using parachutes. Roger then crosses off the last frat boy he killed on the photo.]

Klaus

Roger, you got your revenge. Can we go home now?

[Roger then notices a woman next to him and he undoes her parachute as she falls down to her death.]

Klaus

ROGER!

Roger

I'm sorry, I got the blood lust! Eventually I'll get bored with it. Remember when I was super into Jiffy Pop? Had it all the time for a snack? Overdid it. Then I started having a little Greek yogurt and berries at night. That's all I need. Hey, so, what's happening with that girl? Are you still emailing--

[Roger and Klaus then land on the ground as they fall flat with Klaus' fishbowl broken.]

Stan (as he's beating up Roger, who was chosen to play Jesus in the Christmas play): You don't deserve to be on that cross, you lazy, wine-loving bisexual!

(Stan comes home bloodied from his fight with Roger as Jesus)

Francine

Stan, what happened to you?

Stan (looks down at his blood-soaked Santa suit): I sat next to Courtney Love on the bus and she sneezed.