Pope (on a hamburger phone as he's watching the news footage of Stan beating up Roger): Are you seeing this shit?
S7 E7Season's Beatings
(after Stan breaks the cross for the Christmas pageant)
SHStage Hand
Well, that's just great. Now what am I supposed to burn on my ethnic neighbor's lawn?
Roger (to Steve, as he's pointing at the TV screen): Right there. That's the punch that caused me to black out and finally achieve orgasm.
S7 E8The Unbrave One
QQuagmire
Giggity.
S7 E9Stanny Tendergrass
[Francine is sunbathing]
Seriously, I'm gonna die one day and I want to make sure I left something behind that can be proud of.
What about your kids?
Nah. [sets her margarita on the table and lifts her sunglasses up] I'm talking about something more permanent. I want to invent a catchphrase. Something is perfound as... all that and a bag of chips!
Oh, come on. Don't you think everyone has tried coming up with a catchphrase? It's next to impossible.
Well, Klaus. I'm gonna do it. And... you can put that frog in the cassarole.
[sighs] Bitch.
(Steve just drank and threw away Stan's can of soda)
I didn't like the last half, it's not as effervescent. Nope, the bottom's not for me; I'm what they call a top. [Roger's eyes widen at Steve's unintentionally suggestive line]
I can't believe you drank my soda that I bought with money I earned.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't know you wanted it. (waves his fingers in Stan's face): Here, my fingers are still sticky. You can suck on them if you want.
Roger [staring at Steve's fingers, clearly aroused]: Well, I'll be upstairs melting pearls on my tummy if you need me.
(after Roger reveals that he was the girl who kissed Steve at a Spin-the-Bottle party)
YOU were Alicia Wilkner?! We went on seven dates!
Nine. I roofied you on that last two. Nothing happened. Wink-wink.
S7 E10Wheels & the Legman and the Case of Grandpa's Key
[Stan is riding a bike and using it as a unicycle]
Wheels, may I speak with you? Papa Wheely, why don't you go fill out your HR forms. Teddy Bonkers will help you.
Th-- the teddy bear?
Teddy bear! His name is Theodore Bonkers. He's not the smartest guy, but he tries harder than anyone I've ever met. I've met Ed Burns.
Just go with it.
[Stan rides his bike like a unicycle to read the clipboard and gets out a pen]
What the hell, Wheels?
He was so excited. I... I couldn't let him down.
Uh, it says "List previous work experience or draw a picture of a cowboy." I can't draw a cowboy. Is a pirate acceptable?
Yes.
S7 E11Old Stan in the Mountain
[to Stan] That phrase the old man said to you was in Latin. But, uh, I can't find the translation.
What did he say exactly?
Um, it was something...[says something in Latin]
[says the correct phrase in Latin] It means, "Walk in my shoes and you will know." It's a really good hex.
How do you know so much about hexes?
I do a lot of reading, you know, 'cause I sit in the ******* bowl all ******* day.
S7 E12The Wrestler
The point is is you wanna get anywhere in life, you'll have to join the wrestling team.
Gee, Dad. That sounds great. Oh, no. The school doesn't have a wrestling program anymore. Aah, squigglebottom!
What? I am outraged!
Well, take your outraged elsewhere. I have another group coming through. We'll exit through the gift shop [they walk over to the counter and he takes out a CD] Make sure to check out our Stan Smith: Pan Flute Rain Forest Music [pan flute plays] Each song sounds the same. It somehow manages to be worse than the less.
Kid's got shaky hands. His parents got a divorce because his mom got caught banging some black guy named THIS BIG MAMMA JAMMA RIGHT HERE!!
Roger (as he raises his hands): Small bills are in the safe. The rest is in my butt**
**On the DVD version, "in my butt" is changed to "in my ass"
You know what kid I wanted to kill? The youngest daughter in Mrs. Doubtfire. Hated her face. By the time I could get a good shot at her, she had grown up and turned into nothing.
S7 E13Dr. Klaustus
Stop talking, fish.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.