American Dad! quotes

I saw the ugliest woman/I ever did saw/Face like a turnip/And an underbit jaw

Yeah, man. Tell it like it is.

Inbred from inbreds/Then inbred again/If ugly was pretty/Then she'd be a ten

She was so damn ugly/So I got drunk and fucked her in my truck. (spoken): Good night!

Well, hello there. My name...It's not important. Well, what is is the next half hour. You're gonna see a cautionary tale that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.

Steve

Gee, Dad. I'd like to get in the hot tub too. But I can't 'cause I'm pretty sure my parents jizzed in it last night!

Principal Lewis

[on answering machine] Hey, it's Lewis. I can never find the damn phone. [Principal Lewis starts frantically searching for the phone]

[on the phone] Lewis, it's the hot tub. I did some research, man. It used to have a stripper pole in it. They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive! The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution, and did some rapes...

Principal Lewis

[who has been searching for the phone and found it in the freezer in the ice cream] What are you saying, Marguerite?

[over phone still] I'm saying, the hot tub, is a murderer.

Stan

See what a good wife Jeff is, Francine?

Roger

My wine fridge! I had my cocaine in there!

Roger

(picking up a wig) : Thank God this one survived. I can still go to cowboy weddings.

Steve

Its hungry for flesh and knowledge!

Francine

The best thing you can do for your family is stand back and do nothing.

Stan

Francine, let's be honest, that's not going to happen.

Were going to have so many babys.

Roger

(Pushes her head slowly under water) No, no, no, no.

Stan Smith

[sighs] What a day.

Cleveland Brown

[off-screen] Tell me about it.

Cleveland Brown

I don't even know where the hell I am.

Stan Smith

[pulls out a gun] Looter!

Cleveland Brown

[also pulls out a gun] Self-defense!

A black and a white talking as if it's normal!

Cleveland Brown

Peter, what are you doing? You know me!

Everybody, shut up and let me think! Just let me think!

Francine Smith

Stan, have you...