Francine Smith quotes from American Dad!

Hayley

I'm exhausted.

Francine

I'm starving!

Francine

Stan, we are going on a real vacation and this family is going to bond!

Steve

We could go skiing!

Stan

Or, here's an alternate pitch. Stay here, watch the Duke game... [Francine tries to say something] ...just hear me out... I order boneless wings from KFC...

Hayley

But-

Stan

Hang on to that thought, Hayley... I take a long bath and then... wait for it... None of you are here.

Francine

Or... [Stan opens his mouth] ...just hear me out... we stay home, and for the rest of our lives together, every time you doze off I slam a book on your testicles.

Stan

Did someone say, "skiing"?

Hayley

It's time to change my entire life. That's what that recurring dream's been trying to tell me. The one where I'm in that creepy classroom.

Stan

[drops mug] What? I didn't drop that mug because you mentioned that dream.

Hayley

That dream is a warning. Society's trying to brainwash me to conform, to color inside the lines, to get married and have babies. Well I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid anymore.

Francine

Have you tried it with Splenda?

Francine

[lays on the bed, posing] Hey killer, how was the kill? You need to wash the blood off your hands? Or better yet, don't.

Stan

Well... I didn't actually kill anyone. I tri--

Francine

[Hastily, crawling into bed] Ya know I'm tired, I have a headache, I've got a lot of work to do, my back hurts, it's that time of the month, I have an early meeting. **[Under the covers we hear the sound of something vibrating] Just... sharpening... my... pencils!**The part in asteriks is a DVD-exclusive scene and does not air when shown on FOX, Cartoon Network, TBS, or local network syndication.

Francine

Klaus, you got the train to work.

Klaus

Yeah, it's in my blood. My grandfather was a conductor at Auschwitz.

Klaus

No, no, he ran the kiddie train at the zoo. You know, it's a big town, there's other stuff there.

Steve

Oh, I saw him go into your study with a sledgehammer and a watermelon.

Stan

What?

Francine

There's got to be an explanation. Is it Gallagher day?

Stan

Do you see a Gallagher tree, Francine? Roger's back to his old ways. I am livid, Francine! Now I know how bears feel.

Roger

OK. Send me Steve. Dance for me.

Roger

Mm hm. OK. OK, that's enough. I've got what I need. You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've... I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace.

Roger

If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the like of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo.

Francine

OK, I think that's enough, Roger.

Stan

Honey, no. It's good for the both of them.

Roger

I can envision millions of Americans and rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck. [at his feet] Oh yeah, that's the stuff

Francine

[as Stan destroys all of Christmas decorations] Stan Smith! Is this your idea of a good Christmas? Destroying your children's presents and terrifying Roger?

Roger

[peeks out behind the couch] Is it over?

Francine

(She lights a Cigarette and blow smoke as she asked Stan about Roger) I miss Roger, don't you miss Roger?

Stan

Nope.

Francine

Well, maybe you don't miss him now. But sometimes, the things we take for granted...disappear. And we can never get them back. (She took a puff of her Cigarette as Klaus took a picture of Francine's G-Spot)

Francine

I told you it was complicated.

Roger

No, no, no, changing planes at O'Hare is complicated. Th-this is... th-this is just... Frannie, what is this?

Stan

Too close to my mother?! How dare you! I'm all she's got!

Roger

Yeah, Francine, it's the man's mother, for God's sake! What is wrong with her?

Francine

But you were the one who said we should talk to him!

Roger

Yeah, about the possibility of switching from cable to dish! I didn't know I was gonna get dragged into your psychodrama! I vote dish, by the way.

Francine

Oh Stan, don't ever put your bike on the front of the bus.

Stan

Don't worry, the bus is for foreigners.

Francine

Did you tell your best friend your deep, dark secret?

Stan

Are you kidding? She'd go straight to the CIA. They'd designate me as a blabbermouth, kill me, grind me up, and mix me into the local bologna supply. Not... not that the CIA does that. You should keep eating balogna. It's good for you.

Stan

Then, I give my money to your mother who spends it on speeding tickets.

Francine

I like to race school buses!

Francine

Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her!

Stan

My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant!

Hayley

It's just a nose ring.

Stan

It's a getaway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about.

Francine

[to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche.