Francine Smith quotes from American Dad!

Francine

It's so cute that Steve has a little girlfriend.

Stan

Well, don't tell Debbie about her because she'll eat her.

Francine

I know about the government storage center, Stan. I'm having a baby.

Stan

No! (Francine maces Stan) My eyes! (His head hits the door where Francine exits) My mouth! (His back hits the bathroom door) My back! (He opens his eyes to see his dead plant) My begonia! (His hand presses the alarm clock, playing music) My Sharona! (His back hits the TV, turning it on)

...marry me?

Stan

"My Best Friend's Wedding"! (Shields his eyes) Ahh, my eyes again!

Francine

This is the first time in twenty winters we've done anything together, and now you're dumping me to skate with Roger?! Why, Stan, why?

Stan

Well, honey, I-

Francine

I'll tell you why. Because winning some stupid contest means more to you than your own wife!

Stan

Yes. Thanks you. That would've sounded awful coming out from my mouth.

Roger

I want a popcorn maker for my attic.

Stan

Don't be stupid, Roger. The attic is above sea level, and popcorn doesn't pop above sea level. I know, I've spent time in Denver.

Steve

What the hell was that?! You said "SJP" was a sure thing!

Roger

I don't understand, SJP is in the new Spielberg movie; it's gonna be huge!

Steve

What are you talking about?! SJP is a Canadian chiropractic supplies company!

Roger

You mean it's... not Sarah Jessica Parker?

Steve

What?! No!

Roger

Isn't this the Hollywood Stock Exchange? You know, where you buy and sell celebrity stocks based on the ups and down of their careers?

Steve

No!

Roger

Oh... Then what is all this?

Steve

This is the New York Stock Exchange!

Roger

Like in the movie Wall Street? I thought that was Hollywood make-believe, like children of every color being at the same McDonald's.

Steve

But back home, you said you were about to make a fortune in silver!

Roger

Ron Silver!

Roger

We're gonna make through this. We still have twenty bucks. In this town, with our brains, we'll turn it into a millions in no time. [turns to the kiosk behind him] I'll have the new issue of Cherry, and keep the change, my good man.

Steve

Roger!

Roger

Steve, it's a special big butts collector's issue; someday it'll be worth a fortune. Now we play the waiting game.

Stan

Honey, it's been three weeks; maybe we should... start..planning Steve's funeral. [Francine get a reaction and throws plate onto floor in response]

Francine

I WANTED TO GO GET HIM! I WANTED TO BRING HIM INSIDE! BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME! OUR BABY'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

Stan

[close to tears] Don't you think I know that?!

Francine

You want your money, you unsupportive jerk? Fine! Here's your $5,000 back.

Stan

You made all this in one day?

Francine

That's right, I did. Through hard work and giving people incorrect change.

Francine

Stan, I did some research on that kiosk at the mall. If you gave me $5,000 of your bonus, I could start a business selling my muffins. I think there's a real market for...

Stan

Ooh, ooh, uh, I... I'm sorry... sorry to interrupt, but, uh, real quick, this is the worst idea I've ever heard. Never gonna happen, but please, keep going.

Francine

Oh, just forget it!

Stan

Great call, Francine.

Stan

I can't believe you're still upset. It's been a week.

Francine

You called me a pig.

Stan

I didn't say you were a pig. I said that dress made you look like a pig. And those shoes didn't help. All your fat, sweaty toes shoved in there like 20 Hondurans stuffed in a giant... shoe.

Stan

Who's the boob? It that what you call me behind my back?

Francine

It's just a nickname, honey. It doesn't mean anything. It's like fatty or baby penis.

Stan

[alone with his family in the wild] We're the last ones left on Earth.

Francine

What was that?

Stan

Mosquito.

Francine

(teaching Indian children) Okay, children, pay attention, because you need to learn English to survive. Repeat after me: "Thank you for calling Apple Tech Support."

(in unison): Thank you for call Apple Tech Support.

Francine

There's the bell. I'll see all of you who don't die of cholera tomorrow at 8:00.

Stan

(sniffing) Ugh! Oh God, it's like being in a sauna with Michael Chiklis!

Francine

You made me think I was a murderer?! Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?! I prayed to a freaking elephant! How am I gonna explain THAT to Jesus?!

Francine

What the FUCK is GOING ON?!

Steve

[doing cartwheels] I'll take care of you, Mom. I'm a wagon wheel!

Francine

I'm starting a new family tradition of Sunday night dinners.

Klaus

Wunderbar!... Wait. Only four place settings? No, that's cool. That's cool. I'm-I'm supposed to hang with my chick anyway. She's been buggin' me to spend more time with her and she... [sad voice] doesn't exist.

Francine

Stan, get inside right now and have dinner with your family!

Stan

Well, if that's your attitude, I don't know why you people even have a drive-thru.

Hayley

We haven't eaten in four days. Damn it Mom! Why did you jump off the boat after dinner?

Francine

This isn't my fault. I just wanted us to spend some time together.

Hayley

[gasp] Steve's hiding food!

Steve

No! It's just a picture I took with some grapes.

Hayley

Give it to me!

Francine

Share it! You have to share it!

Stan

No! What are we gonna do for pictures of food now?!

[sees an island] Look!