What's going on?
I had to sleep in Dad's room last night, 'cause Uncle Charlie invited Aunt Myra to stay in my room, but it turns out--
Got it.
S4 E20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
S4 E21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
You think I joined a support group to pick up women?
No, I think you joined a support 'cause you're a whiny little wuss. But as long as you're there, you might as well nail a few.
Berta, how long have you been working for me?
Define "working".
Your mom will be here any minute! I-- I thought I told you to get ready!
I'm ready.
Did you do your homework?
No.
Alan [scoffs]: Jake, I promised your mother you'd have it done!
Well, next time you'll know better!
I'm proud of you, Zippy. The world is a much happier place once you figure out whether you're the pin or the cushion.
GGreg
Alan, you're not gay.
Are you sure?
GGreg
Do you find me sexually attractive?
No.
GGreg
Do you find any man sexually attractive?
No. Uh, well, oh, maybe George Clooney.
S4 E22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
[drunk] Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there? (drops onion) Run, Run, You're Free!
Sometimes when people drink, they do things they wouldn't normally do. Me, I like to walk into a biker bar and take a swing at the biggest chick there.
[on their way to the track]
How much can I bet?
How much did you bring?
I have to use my own money?
Boy, you really are your father's son, aren't you?
OK... [looking in his wallet] I have fourteen dollars.
That's not gonna get you very far.
Um... oh, and I have a fifty-dollar gift certificate to Pizza Hut. Wanna buy it?
Sure, I'll give you twenty-five bucks.
But it's worth fifty.
To who?
To Pizza Hut.
Well, then let the good folks at Pizza Hut place a bet for you.
What a day. Just sitting and sitting and sitting.
Huh.
It was like jury duty, without the fun of sending someone to jail.
It's just money, Alan.
Well, I don't want him to think like that!
Oh, much better he think like you? Squirreling away every dime he makes so he'll have it handy for alimony payments and phone sex?
For the last time, I misdialed!
Yeah, every Wednesday night for twenty minutes.
(still drunk) [after Alan opens the door] Oh, hey Alan, come on in!
Why don't you come in here?
Yeah, I Lost my key. (pause; then Charlie holds up keys) DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
S4 E23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
She [Chloe] brought soup.
Why would she bring soup?
You told her you had a bug, so she assumed it was bronchial. If you'd been more specific like I suggested, you could have precluded this. Nobody just drops by when they think you have diarrhea.
I'm not jealous!
Charlie, you want to fire this guy [Fernando] just because he's younger and better looking than you.
And he can sing.
This has nothing to do with that, and I can sing too!
Yeah, but you stink.
Alan, you know the difference between you and me?
[Charlie falls through the deck]
Yeah! I wouldn't fire the handyman before he finishes!
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