I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as "Buck Henderson, Union Buster" and "Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory". Today I'm here to tell you about "Spiffy.", the 21st century stain remover. I'm filling in for Actor Buck Henderson. Now, Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera.
Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody.
Hi, Dr. Nick.
Troy, I brought with me the gravestone of author and troubled soul Edgar Allan Poe! [exhibits a grimy tombstone]
One of our best writers.
Yes, but unfortunately, a century of neglect has turn this tombstone into a depressing eyesore.
So what? I guess we're going to have to throw it away.
Not so fast, Troy! With one application of Spiffy, you'll think the body's still warm! [applies some Spiffy and rubs, removing all the grime]
Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhhh!
[The tombstone shines and twinkles]
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
[watching the show on TV] Ooh, that's one clean tombstone!
I'm offering three bottles, enough to clean one thousand tombstones, for only $39.95!
Booo!
[A chair is thrown on stage nearly hitting Dr. Nick]
I'm afraid you're going to have to do better, doctor.
[watching the show on TV] Yeah, give us a break, doctor!
Okay, I'll throw in a fourth bottle, the applicator glove, and a state of Kansas jell-o mold. $29.95!
[The audience goes wild]
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