Barney Gumble quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Hey, what gives, where are the rock stars?

Chief Wiggum

I don't know, but it's starting to get dark.

Homer

[Gasps] What was that?

Barney Gumble

Oh, it's getting closer.

Hello campers!

How are ya doin'?

Homer

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! It's Mick Jagger and Keith Richards!

Barney, how do you keep getting back in?

Barney

I'm a drunk, I don't know nothin' about how I do anything.

Come on, come on, get back on your feet, I believe in you!

Barney

[climbing the bar from the tavern floor] I'm doing it Moe!

Not you.

Barney

Oh thank god! – the pressure's off. [falls back down]

A little tip... you might want to wash me before you eat me.

Barney

All right!

Carl

Yeah, you better!

Thank you.

I just have to warn you, Marge...

Marge

I could do worse!

We're proof that you could do worse!

Homer

She couldn't possibly do worse!

Ooh, a text. Let's see. Text message for I.M.A. Wiener. As you can all can see, I.M.A. Wiener.

Barney

I see it, Moe.

"When I get a hold of you I..." Oh, Damn it! I typed an F and not a D... eh Delete, delete, delete... Oh Crap! I just sent donated $20 to Haiti!

Woah-woah-woah. No leaving until we all spook you on Edna's face. All right, pipe down back there, you'll get your chance.

Barney

Aw, come on Moe, quit hogging the Face.

These photos show that 6 years ago Bart and Lisa were fighting like Creationists and Common Sense.

Homer

Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.

Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

Carl

Yeah Homer, we'll definitely help you, but you're gonna have to wait.

We just ordered a pie for the bar.

Carl

What did you do that for?!

Barney

Yeah! It took us 45 minutes to choose a topping!

We decided on cheese.

Remember the night of the cast party? You and me... in the hot tub?

Barney

That night really happened? I thought I imagined it.

It was real. And I've never had better.

I'm Krusto, the funniest clown in the whole wide world.

Barney

Uh, people who have to tell you they're funny usually aren't can I get my boat back, sewer clown?

Carl

Me, too.

Barney

I use mine as corn holders.

Homer

Marge, baby, when I get this job, we're gonna be rich. Rich.