[The Simpsons walk through Springfield as chaos ensues]
LisaWell, look at the wonders of the computer age now.
Wonders, Lisa? Or blunders?
LisaI think that was implied by what I said.
Implied, Lisa? Or implode?
LisaMom, make him stop.
Played by Yeardley Smith
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Simpsons: in 585 of its 3,477 quotes
Most scenes with: Homer Simpson (249), Bart Simpson (248), Marge Simpson (169)
Scenes with Lisa Simpson 515
LisaLisaLisaLet's just have some milk and go to bed. [pours the milk, but milk liquid flies all over the place] Hey, this milk's broken!
LisaIt's got a computer chip in it. Everything does!
[after it's been decided that the family will live on Grampa's old farm]
I'll dig an outhouse!
LisaI'll weed the floor!
I'll repress the rage I'm feeling! [plasters a fake smile on her face]
Fun toys are fun!
TTeacher
Well said, Ralph, but we're trying to come up with a name for a toy?
JPJaney Powell
Mrs. Fun?
TTeacher
Not bad!
Fun?
TTeacher
Ralph, there are no right or wrong answers, but if you don't pipe down, I'm giving you a F!
The before teacher yelled at me too.
TTeacher
No-one's yelling, Ralph, we're just brainstorming. Lisa, any ideas?
LisaOh, a name with fun? Fungus, Funzo, Atilla the Fun...
TTeacher
Lisa, are you doing math?!
LisaJust a few Venn diagrams.
There's more under her chair!
I got the groceries!
LisaGood! Maple soda? A cell phone full of candy?! Astronaut bread?
It's the bread of astronauts.
I didn't know Aerosmith made a cereal...
[Lisa sends Bart off to school and Homer off to work.]
LisaHere are your lunches. And no trading them for fireworks!
Aww, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets!
LisaYou stay away from Lenny!
[cooking meat] Okay, who needs another lamb rack? [Marge and Bart nod no] Lisa? Ham hock, Tri-tip?
LisaDo we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Well I think the veal died of loneliness.
S11 Faith Off
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[Bart is riding his bike through the hallways of Mr. Burns' mansion; he hits and upturns a table before cycling off.]
I'm Al Unser Jr.!
[Lisa rides through the hallway on a horse.]
Lisa[British accent] I'm Princess Margaret!
[A heavily drunken Homer rides through the hallway and crashes through the upturned table on a rideable lawnmower.]
[slurred] I'm DRUNK!
[The family is sitting at the gigantic dining room table]
LisaMom! Bart's making faces at me! [looks through opera glasses] ...I think.
LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!
This all seems a little elaborate for sloppy joes. [picks up an extra long fork] Hmm I know what the other 11 forks are for, but what do you do with with this one?
[in a posh accent] Why Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it.
Homer watch your lang- [scratches herself] Ooh! That's a life saver!
LisaBut housesitting is a sacred... [wine glass stain flies all over her] Hey! [wipes them off her face]
Stop swirling, Homer!
LisaAh, it's good to be home.
I don't know. After living like a billionaire, this place is kind of a dump.
It's not so bad. Here, we can spit on the floor. [spits it out]
Bart, stop that. Now, we may not have antique furniture, or priceless artwork, but we have everything we need, right here.
That's right. Just because we're not rich doesn't mean that we don't have... [crying] Oh, I can't even finish! I wanna be rich! [drops to the floor, as the scene fades to black. The names of the executive producers appear] Like these guys! [The credits for the actors start to roll] And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich they should be, of course, but still rich! [sobbing] Big money! Look at all the names, that all have money, and have lots of money! [Richard K. Chung's name is on screen] Oh, he's poor. [sobbing again] But look at all the other people who aren't...! Oh, look at all the people who could buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm taking 'em all down! [Continues crying as the credits keep rolling] Oh, look at all the rich people! Oh! Oh, look at that rich...! [The Gracie Films logo goes "Shh!"] Don't shush me, you rich bastard!
Lisa[reading from a sticker] A gay president for 2084?
GRGay Republican
We're realistic.
[The Simpsons have a family meal at the White House, now that Lisa is President.]
So, how was everyone's day?
Lisa SimpsonAppointed a Supreme Court justice.
Bewitched marathon.
Searched for Lincoln's gold.
Lisa SimpsonDad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't bury any gold in the White House.
Then what is his ghost protecting?
LisaAs you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it, Milhouse?
Milhouse [shows a chart]: We're broke.
LisaThe country is broke? How can that be?
Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake.
PLPresident Lisa's Aide
The balanced breakfast program just created a generation of ultra-strong super-criminals.
And midnight basketball taught them to function without sleep.
You did it, Dad!
[drunk] You can't prove I did it.
LisaNo, you saved our lives.
I could do a lot of things if I had some money.
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