A character in The Simpsons
Played by Julie Kavner
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in The Simpsons: in 677 of its 3,477 quotes
Most scenes with: Homer Simpson (400), Bart Simpson (206), Lisa Simpson (169)
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your boy's gonna need one thing. [points to sign] Tough Luck!
MargeDon't you mean tough love?
Tough love? Of course! This has never made sense! The sign shop guy lied! STANLEY! YOU DIDN'T QUESTION THE WORD LUCK! NOW LOOK WHAT WE GOT! Thanks for the correction, that's part of the honesty.
MargeThis is Marge from downtown Springfield, where overweight doomsayer Homer Simpson is predicting the world will end next Wednesday! Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk?
Funny story, Marge- [to the camera] IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!! GOD LOVES YOU!! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU!! [to Marge] Here's my angle: there's no way in God's Heaven I should get into God's Heaven. But maybe He'll let me in, if I warn others the Apocalypse is coming as I previously shouted.
[Homer sees his family, but their usual surroundings are now covered in a hell-like setting with lava surrounding their home. Bart is running around in the lava being chased by locusts. Maggie is on top of a bin being scared by an evil teddy bear. Lisa runs by screaming.]
[screams] Why didn't we listen to dad?!
Marge[her hair covered in snakes] The worst part is I'll never see my Homie again!
That's the worst part? Then I'm not doing my job! [laughs evilly, Marge is heard screaming as Homer watches in horror]
MargeWhatever happened to please and thank you?
I think they killed each other. You know, one of those murder-suicide deals.
[Maggie has chickenpox]
MargeHomer, don't touch her, you've never had chickenpox.
I know, and you did and you're great.
MargeOh, I'm just saying it's very dangerous if you get it as an adult. It could leave you sterile, down there.
Ugh, you always gotta work blue don't you Marge?
[Homer leaves, but pokes his head through]
You're better than that.
Well, me thinks the lady doth protest too much.
MargeYou don't trust me? After I salved every chicken pock on your ungrateful body? How dare you?
[turns red in anger] I'm still waiting for that "no".
MargeGet out of this house!
Gladly! [angrily grabs his suitcase and opens the refrigerator door to packs the food out from the refrigerator, closes his suitcase, leaves the house]
This is all my fault! I planted Mom's bra in Milhouse's parents' bed!
[turns red in anger] Why, you little...! [starts strangling Bart]
MargeHomer, I can save you both. Just let go of the rock!
Homer whimpers in fear
MargeJust do it! Trust me!
Okay.
Homer releases the rock as Marge, with a rope tied to her ankle and the tree, lunges after her son and husband. Homer grabs onto her hair, whilst Bart grabs onto Homer's leg, hanging on for dear life.
Mom, Dad, I'd give a kajillion dollars for you two to get back together.
Make it 2 kajillion.
MargeHomer!
We'll lose the first kajillion to taxes.
Marge[to Bart] The last thing I want is for you to turn into that! [Points to Principal Skinner]
[Looks behind him] What? The wall?
MargeHomer, I hope you get this: I'm in jail and I need $10,000 bail. Hurry!
Uhh, Marge, me and Bart got in a fight with this really uncool pit boss, and now we're in Nevada State Prison. Also, I don't know where Bart is. If you see him say, "Hey"!
Well, Maggie, I always knew that someday it would boil down to just you and me; I'll look for work in the morning.
MargeWhere's Bart? I haven't seen him since you came home.
{Sarcastically] Oh, you haven't seen Bart for a few hours, so you automatically assume I let something terrible happen.
MargeI didn't say that.
[still sarcastic] I know what you think... when stupid Homer wasn't looking, Bart got kidnapped by a monkey.
Marge[concerned] I could never think something that horrible!
[still sarcastic] And now I'm using sarcasm to confess the whole thing, so later I can say that I already told you!
MargeSorry I asked. [leaves]
Dad, you can't keep this up for long.
[still sarcastic] Oh, you're so right, I guess I should be more concerned with Bart's safety than covering my own butt! And maybe I'm talking like this, because I can't stop! HELP ME LISA! I HAVE SERIOUS MENTAL PROBLEMS!
[angrily turns red] You're an useless old man! Name one thing you do for this family.
I watch the baby.
MargeWhere is the baby?
[surprised] You left me with a baby?!?
[Homer and Marge are in bed.]
So... do you wanna... "wang chung tonight"?
MargeI don't know. I'm still frowny with you. Do you really think women are mentally inferior?
[shifting his eyes nervously] Well, uh, uh, honey, you're just as smart as a man. Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.
[Marge groans, then scene cuts to Homer sleeping on the couch]
Oh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch? Oh. Well, I won't be lonely. I can always cuddle with the dog. [cuddles Santa's Little Helper] Mmm. At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you!
[scene cuts to Homer sleeping in the doghouse]
Oh, how did this happen?
"You know what I found in their dirty clothes hamper? DIRTY CLOTHES!"
"I found a hair in the drain! Not a fine, upstanding head hair, but a curly-wurly!"
"UNTIDY! UNTIDY! UNTIDY!"
[shamrock wipe to reality]
Marge[Hastily] Untidy! Untidy! Untidy!
See that ball of fire? That's the sun. It goes by many names: Apollo's Lantern, day moon, Old Blazey. The important thing is never to touch it.
MargeI know what the sun is!
Yes, now you do.
Homer SimpsonDan Castellaneta · 1,595 quotes
Bart SimpsonNancy Cartwright · 792 quotes
Lisa SimpsonYeardley Smith · 585 quotes
MSMoe Szyslak164 quotes
Mr. BurnsHarry Shearer · 140 quotes
Ned FlandersHarry Shearer · 107 quotes
MVMilhouse Van Houten97 quotes
Krusty the ClownDan Castellaneta · 81 quotes
NMNelson Muntz79 quotes
WSWaylon Smithers73 quotes
Chief WiggumHank Azaria · 72 quotes
Principal SkinnerHarry Shearer · 66 quotes
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