Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

Nelson, how'd you like to earn some extra money around the house? I have some odd jobs my kids won't do.

Yeah, I get the feeling Bart isn't everything he could be in the son department.

Marge

Oh. Sometimes I think he's more interested in his "Itchy and Mitchy" cartoons than me.

Hey, I'm sure it's just a phase, like when I used to stand on the overpass and drop computers on the highway.

Marge

That's how we got our Kaypro.

Marge

It'll be B.L.A.M.! Bart, Lisa, and Mom! Hmmm?

Bart

Mom, when I want lame and needy, I'll call Milhouse.

Marge

You know Chloe some of us stayed in this town and made it a better place.

Homer

Oh come on Marge, the only reason we don't move out of this dung hill is because of my court ordered ankle bracelet. [Reveals a beeping bracelet on his right ankle] I'm here! I'm here! Quit bugging me.

Marge

Why do you always have to show that to company?

Homer

It's a conversation starter. [short pause]

Marge

[moans]

Marge

I would've followed Chloe, but my plans changed when God brought me a wonderful little boy. Bart, stop that!

Bart

This isn't what it looks like. [continues sawing]

Chloe

Marge, where are you living now?

Marge

[mumbling] Evergreen Terrace.

Chloe

Paris? Just like you always dreamed!

Marge

Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.

Chloe

[to Marge] Oh, that's it! I'm going to show you some moves I learned from G. Gordon Liddy!

Marge

I'm so sick of names!

Lisa

Be careful, Mom! There's hot lava under the ground!

Chloe

Actually, when it's underground, lava is called magma!

Lisa

You're so smart, Chloe!

Chloe

Walter Cronkite told me the same thing.

Marge

Come on! You're out of the girl business!

Marge

Bart! Someone wrote something cynical on your shirt. Let me wash it off.

Bart

Leave me alone. This expresses my rage at the machine.

Marge

Well I like t-shirts with a nice joke, like "Support our troops".

Homer

Bart's shirt is a classic, Marge, just like "Keep on truckin" - as if I would ever want to stop truckin'.

Marge

We're big fans, Mr. Gladwell.

Homer

Yeah, nothing makes parents happier than when an eccentric, single man takes an interest in their child.

Homer

Marge, you can't go with me to Moe's. I mean, how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's?

Marge

I would like it. You never come with me to my mother's.

Homer

That's because I hate her.

Ugh, this whole place is disgusting.

Marge

I agree. [turns around] Hey, aren't you the crazy cat woman?

Yes I am, but thanks to this psycho-active medication, I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.

Marge

Those are just Reese's Pieces.

Marge

I just think we should be building a nest egg.

Homer

Way ahead of you, Marge. I just ordered a series of tapes on saving money. They should get here soon. I paid a bundle for overnight delivery.

Marge

I have a book from the library with the same information!

Homer

Okay, I'll just hire a haulage firm to haul them away... at my expense! [he picks up the phone and dials 4-1-1] Directory assistance?

Marge

No more directory assistance! It's not free.

Homer

Well, I'll get a lawyer on that. No, a whole team of lawyers, who will dine on mustard flown in from the Orient.

Marge

No more Oriental mustard!

Marge

Last year you spent $5,000 on doughnuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter...

Homer

Hey, I earn that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump.

Marge

Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around "Googling" your own name until lunch.

Homer

[gasps] Who told you that?

Marge

You shouted it while we were making love!

Marge

And I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was 20 years ago!

Homer

That was my Woodstock!

Marge

We're going to take the dog to the V-E-T.

Huh?

Marge

Then take Bart to get C-I-R-C-U-M-C-I-S-E-D.

Bart

Huh?

Marge

I'll tell you what it means when it's over, honey.