“Thank God It's Doomsday” · Season 16
In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Marge Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (1), Krusty the Clown (1), Nelson Muntz (1), Comic Book Guy (1), Devil Ned (1), God (1)
This is Marge from downtown Springfield, where overweight doomsayer Homer Simpson is predicting the world will end next Wednesday! Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk?
Funny story, Marge- [to the camera] IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!! GOD LOVES YOU!! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU!! [to Marge] Here's my angle: there's no way in God's Heaven I should get into God's Heaven. But maybe He'll let me in, if I warn others the Apocalypse is coming as I previously shouted.
[Homer sees his family, but their usual surroundings are now covered in a hell-like setting with lava surrounding their home. Bart is running around in the lava being chased by locusts. Maggie is on top of a bin being scared by an evil teddy bear. Lisa runs by screaming.]
[screams] Why didn't we listen to dad?!
[her hair covered in snakes] The worst part is I'll never see my Homie again!
That's the worst part? Then I'm not doing my job! [laughs evilly, Marge is heard screaming as Homer watches in horror]
Lord, you got a first-class destination resort here, really top notch, but I can't enjoy myself knowing my family is suffering.
Oh, don't you talk about family suffering with me! My son went to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same ever since. [shows Jesus sitting on a swing looking down and spinning slowly]
He'll be fine.
[To God] You have just made a powerful enemy!
[to Homer] Hey, Nostra-dumbass, did the Rapture come? I can't recall. In fact, I can recall, and it didn't and you suck.
Homer, I'm glad you're finally getting some exercise, but i just wish it wasn't crazy exercise.
I don't want to die, I wanna to next to Kathy Griffin!
The Book of Revelations has 404 verses. And the number of people at the Last Supper minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible, and you get?
[The Rapture doesn't happen]
Haw! Haw! Life goes on!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
