Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Get a room!

Homer

Come on boy, be cool.

Bart

But-

Homer

Be cool or you're grounded!

Homer

What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? [his stomach continues rumbling] Aww. Would some warm beer settle you down? [his stomach continues rumbling] Uh-oh. [gets up and runs off] Those barley burgers were tainted! Why did I eat twelve of them?! Why?! [runs to a bathroom door, only to find Marge using it]

Marge

Taken!

Bart

Occupied!

Lisa

Hurling!

Homer

Uh-oh!

Marge

Homie, I don't think we should build a fence. Haven't we always taught the children to make friends with those who are a little different?

Lisa

Yes!

Bart

Yeah!

Maggie

Ja! [Marge gasps.]

Maggie

Ja! Ja!

Homer

[in a tense voice] Now do you see Marge? [grasping Maggie] Now do you see why we must build that fence?

Marge

BUILD IT, HOMIE! MAKE IT AS TALL AS THE SKY AND DEEPER THAN HELL!

Maggie

Ja! Ja!

Comic Book Guy

You are acceptable.

Homer

Great, do you wanna see me naked?

Oh there's no nudity in this movie.

Homer

What movie?

Bring in the next helicopter.

Lisa

This goes against every feminist bone in my body, but Dad, can't you control your woman?

Homer

How can I control her? I have nothing to withhold.

Homer

Carl, do you know heavyweight champion, Drederick Tatum?

Carl

What, you think just because I'm black I know all other black people?!

Homer

uh...um, well, uh.

Carl

Actually, Drederick and I are very good friends. We met through Dr. Hibbert at a party at Bleeding Gums Murphy's house.

Kent Brockman

I'm here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated "Burger Squared." Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich?

Krusty

I'm glad you asked, Kent. We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows, then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven-grain bun. Burger Squared!

Homer

The math checks out!

Lisa

Cows eating cows?! That's an abomination!

Marge

Now, Lisa, you're a vegetarian, but these cows have made a different choice.

Kent Brockman

And now, this lucky reporter will be the first human to sample this delicious crime against nature. Mmm. Juicy, flavorful, with just a hint of... [changes into a Muncher and takes a bite out of Krusty's elbow]

Krusty

Hey! That's my check-cashing arm, you stupid... [Krusty also becomes a Muncher. Kent kills a camera technician and then kills the camera man]

Marge

[Gasps] Bart ate a tainted burger!

Homer

I'll bash him with this book!

Lisa

Dad, No! That's the last book in the world!

Homer

Really?

Lisa

Yes! It's... Oh, go ahead.

Homer

To the panic room!

Marge

We don't have a panic room!

Homer

To the panic room store!

Come with me if you want to live- [is devoured by a mob of zombies]

Homer

Another politician who can't keep his promises.

I just have to warn you, Marge...

Marge

I could do worse!

We're proof that you could do worse!

Homer

She couldn't possibly do worse!

Homer

Ye-bonjour!

Carl

Homer, there's a moth in my room. Where are you?

Homer

Where I should have been all along. In Springfield.

Carl

What? Get back to the Eternal City of Lights at once or you're fired!

Homer

Oh, I don't think so. You know that woman you've been playing "hide the baguette" with? She's French first lady Carla Bruni. You fire me, and I'll call Nicolas Sarkozy, and he'll be all over you like Truffaut on Hitchcock.

Carl

You wouldn't dare!

Homer

Oh, wouldn't I? Just listen! [dials other cell phone]

[on phone] Allo, you are getting cozy with Sarkozy.

Carl

All right, Homer, you win. Give Marge my best.

Homer

I will, but first, I'll be giving her mine.

Marge

The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts.

Homer

Actually, those were Carl's shirts.

I'm gonna miss Ted, he was a good supervisor.

Carl

Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched in late, or not at all.

Homer

And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine... mmm... beer.

Homer

Marge, what are you doing?

Marge

This junk food has got to go. It's full of chemicals, trans fats, and hard pore corn.