Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach] Oh. Bacon!

Homer

Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... [Marge leaves] this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! [drinks his can of Duff Beer] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. [grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]

Homer

[signing his jingle] Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!

Homer

[singing as he pours his six pack of Duff down the sink] When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.

Homer

YES! Take that, Bitterman!

Homer

[sees Snake Jailbird] Hey, that's not the wallet inspector.

Homer

[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting] They're dogs, and they're playing poker!

Homer

Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! [crashes into the other car]

Homer

[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff] If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. [dissolves to nighttime] I'm thirsty. [This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]

Homer

Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.

Homer

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

Homer

Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

Homer

Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Homer

What's the point of all this cleaning?! Are we so vain?!

Homer

He took Bart too?! [yells out the window] THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART! THAT. WASN'T. PAAAAART!