[After Sergio and the Loud pets have reconciled and work together to build an animatronic red-tailed hawk to get Sancho and the pigeons out of the Loud House without waking up the Louds…]
That was amazing! I had you guys all wrong. You're totally cool, not mention, very clever. Mind if I hang till the fam gets back? [The pets look at each other and nod in agreement; Next morning, they're all playing a game of Old Maid in Charles' doghouse] Ooh, a match!
Oh, Sergio! The Louds tell me you were the perfect houseguest.
What can I say? It's easy when you're hanging with friends.
Well, I'm very proud of you. Now, come on. It's time to go.
Aw, five more minutes? I'm about to win at Old Maid!
Lynn Sr.[off-screen] Rita, why is the basement covered in pigeon poop?!
[panicking as Rosa glares grumpily at him, realizing what he's really been up to] Gotta go! [flies off as Rosa storms off after him, while the Loud pets laugh and the iris closes in on them]
[Lily and her friend, Ingrid are playing together until Ingrid's mom, Candace arrives to pick up her daughter]
Lynn Sr.
[answers the door] Oh, hi, Candace. [calling out] Lily, Ingrid's mommy is here!
[Lily and Ingrid both come downstairs]
CCandace
Thanks for having Ingrid over. Lily is welcome at our place anytime. [leaves and gets into their car; to her daughter] Did you have fun, sweetie?
IIngrid
Yep, yep! [as her mother puts her in the booster seat] Look, look, look! Look what I got! [pulls Eunice out her backpack] I'm gonna name her Princess Cotton Candy!
[Lily reacts in horror, realizing she accidentally traded Lola's beloved Eunice]
CCandace
How about you take your new friend to the grocery store with us?
[frantically after the car drives off] No, no, no, no, no! She take Eunice! [fearfully imagines what would Lola find out if she returns home]
[with her face turning red of rage] LILY!!! [roars lividly with a blast of fire from her mouth, which strongly blasts the roof open]
[lugging a giant fish; deadpan] This must be from Gramps.
Lynn Sr.
[yelps as Rita holds the giant fish in his face; the fish then regurgitates out a letter; reading] "Set sail on the SS Gramps. Won't you join me for Christmas at Camp Mastodon? Please RSVP in enclosed pre-stamped flounder." [the giant fish regurgitates a flounder] Oh, dear! [elated] Christmas with Dad? Oh, heck yes!
[clears throat] What about your bad back, dear?
Lynn Sr.
[remembering that] You know, I-I'm feeling a lot better for now, I am. It's... It's a Christmas miracle!
[texting on her phone] Texting cousins, "Dad bought it." Oh, Shelby's typing. [Texts from Shelby appear] Santa emoji, foot emoji, thumbs-up emoji. Sounds like Uncle Lance bought it too.
[Both sides of the Loud family arrive at Camp Mastodon to spend the holiday with Leonard, but Lynn Sr. and Lance are not thrilled to see themselves]
LSLynn Sr. & Lance
[walking up to each other's faces] What're you doing here?! I asked you first! DAD!
[Leonard chuckles nervously]
Don't be mad at Gramps. This was our idea. We hope you might only come if your favorite brother weren't.
It's another time two of you bury the spatula once and for all. What do you say?
Lynn Sr.
Okay. Everyone in the van!
Yeah! We're going back home, too!
Wait. Two of you need to stay. Consider it an early Christmas present to us.
Um, that may not become one of mine if not. [looks at her twin]
Honey, it's Christmas Eve. Remember our own mantra.
BBoth
I am strong here. [point to Lance's bicep] I am strong here. [try to point to their heads] And I'm strong here. [try to point to his heart]
[inhaling calmly] Fine, but I'm not happy about it.
Lynn Sr.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm happy about it.
[fed up] Great. You're unhappy. At least you need to have that in common.
[The adult Loud brothers turn away from themselves and go their separate ways]
[also fed up as Rita walks up to her] Oh, well.
So they haven't just changed, but it's good to see you! [she and Sharon hug]
[The Loud siblings and cousins all hug, excited to see themselves]
Okay, it's going about as well as I expected. Now for Phase Two: Family Christmas Activities. Once our favorite dads get in the holiday spirit, they'll totally just forget about their favorite fights.
SSSweater Santa
Never underestimate the power of Christmas.
Hey, boys, I think I found the perfect tree! [starts to chop it down with his own axe]
[smiling to his brother; remembering a happier time] Do you remember the time that tree accidentally started to fall on Vanzilla?
[Flashback to when they were kids; Leonard chops down a tree, and it wobbles before landing on top of Vanzilla, much to his disheartening, but the boys chuckle amusingly]
Lynn Sr.
[voice-over on another flashback to when they were teenagers] Oh, oh, or how about the great squirrel incident?
[Leonard chops down a tree, that's occupied by a family of squirrels, who are not too happy with him, and they start attacking him while the teenage brothers swat each other, laughing]
[voice-over on another flashback to when they were young adults] You know, nothing beats that time we accidentally chopped down that telephone pole.
[Leonard accidentally chops down a telephone pole, mistaking it for a tree, which then falls into the other poles like dominoes, knocking them all over, and killing the power in the camp; the young adult brothers cringe, but laugh, as usual]
Lynn Sr.
[remembering] Oh, we didn't have phone service for a month.
Guys, this is the most perfect Christmas ever.
[suddenly notices a spider on the fireplace while putting up the garland] AH! SPIDER! [grabs his brother's spatula out of the fruitcake and smashes it against the mantle, trying to kill the spider, thus bending it]
Lynn Sr.
[freaks out when he saw that his brother accidentally damaged his spatula as he returns from the kitchen] Ah! My new spatula! [suddenly remembers what they were fighting about, seething with fury]
[Leonard and the kids all cringe]
[to the viewers] Um, maybe I spoke too soon.
[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2, Lance tries to fix the spatula, making it look as good as new]
Lynn Sr.
[swipes back his beloved spatula; infuriated to his brother] You did that on purpose!
Lynn Sr.
Did too!
[slightly annoyed] Quit being a weenie! It's just a dumb kitchen utensil.
Lynn Sr.
[now standing next to his brother's exercise ball] Oh, yeah?! Well I guess this is just a dumb rubber ball, huh?
[gasps] You mustn't harm the the Ab Blaster, this thing's 5000!
Lynn Sr.
Well, what can I say? We "weenies" are unpredictable. [tries to pop the ball with the spatula, only for it to bounce off and hit him in the face, then rips it with his own teeth instead]
[Lance reacts in shock and remembers what their fight was about, groaning in fury]
[covering Lily's eyes; shocked with anger] Lynn!
[grabs a gingerbread cookie off the tray] Say goodbye to gingerbread you! [bites the head off of the cookie, making Lynn Sr. grab his throat in horror]
[covering Shiloh's own eyes; also shocked with anger] Lance!
Lynn Sr.
Say goodbye to… [tries to pick up Lance's kettlebell, but it's too heavy] Okay, not that. Ah-ha! [grabs the "ENDURE-LANCE" ornament from the tree, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it]
[sees a present; reads label] "For Lynn." Ha! Not today, Santa! [soccer-kicks the present right out the open window, sending it miles into the forest] GOAL!
Actually, that was for Lynn Jr.
[blasting his air horn in irritation, stopping the fighting] For the love of Neptune, enough! Can't we just have a nice, quiet Loud Christmas?
Lynn Sr.
I am not having Christmas with him.
I'm not having Christmas with him.
Well, we're all here for the night, so how are we going to make this work?
[Later, the two adult brothers have divided the mess hall in half for their families to have Christmas dinner on both sides]
Lynn Sr.
[slicing a ham for his family on one side] Well, this works for me.
[slicing tofu for his family on the opposite] Works for me, more.
[sitting in the middle with a big orange stripe painted right down his middle] Yeah, not so much for me.
Lynn Sr.
Sorry, Dad, but it's only one reason to make sure you don't take sides.
[Two adult Loud brothers put on their winter clothes before heading out to rescue Lincoln, Lori and Shelby from the frozen river]
Lynn Sr.
You know, this is your fault, Lance. If you hadn't acted like a jerk before earlier, the kids never should pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt and the kids never would pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt!
[offended] Oh, I was born to act like the jerk? You are the other person who--
Stop! This is no time for arguing and fighting!
Rita's wright, Rita's correct, you need to go rescue the kids. Hurry, please!
[Two adult brothers run for the door, but feel stuck in it]
Lynn Sr.
I was here first!
Oh, for trout's sake. [shoves them out the door]
Lynn Sr.
Last item on the agenda, I've just held the first-ever Lynn's Table Employee of the Month contest.
Lynn Sr.
The winner of this month's award may just get a menu item named after him.
[Lincoln and Clyde peer out from behind the window, hearing that]
You mean like steak Ko-tartare?
Lynn Sr.
Well, we'll work on the names.
Hey, Dad. I'm ready to get to work and-- [screams in shock when he sees Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lana all there, grinning] What're you folks doing here?!
LLynn
The jig is up, Stinkoln! We know you're trying to get a dish named after you. And we came to beat you at your favorite game. [fist bumps with Lana]
Yeah, bro. At first we hope it was really dumb earlier, but then I realize, people trying to order a Moon Goat cheese salad may just feel really good for the band.
And there's nothing fishy about a Luan-chovy pizza.
I think a dessert called the Ba-Lana split sounds very yummy.
[Luna, Luan, and Lana look at Lynn]
LLynn
I just wanna win another thing.
Lynn Sr.
[emerges from the kitchen and hugs all of four of his own favorite daughters together] Look at my own favorite daughters, who also want to spend another time with their own old man and learn about the restaurant biz.
LLynn
[in unison] Definitely.
Lynn Sr.
[clapping his hands, gathering everyone] Okay, everyone, gather around.
LLLuna, Luan, and Lana
One, two, three! [bust down the fridge, freeing themselves]
Lynn Sr.
Okay, not gonna ask. I got to duck out to meet my duck-guy.
I hope he's not a quack. [she and her father laugh]
Lynn Sr.
That's a good thing. Anywho, Kotaro and Grant are in charge until I get back, okay? [leaves]
Okay, folks, let's just stay focused and…
[fiercely to themselves] YOU'RE GOING DOWN!
Lynn Sr.
[shocked at his favorite restaurant's messy appearance from the siblings' food fight] My favorite restaurant! My livelihood! [to his kids; upset] I can't believe you kids! [then turns to Kotaro and Grant; sharped] And you, Kotaro and Grant, I need to expect this behavior from my own children, but not from you!
Lynn Sr.
[covers both of their mouths] You know what? You can forget about winning Employee of the Month, for now! [takes off his cooking hat as he tries to storm off to the kitchen] Neither of you deserve it!
[Kotaro and Grant try to sulk]
Wait, Dad, this is our own fault. Grant and Kotaro were only breaking up our own food fight.
Yeah. The five of us got so caught up in trying to win Employee of the Month, and we lost another control.
Lynn Sr.
[gasps in realization] That's what you folks have been up to a few days? Trying to win that award?
[sighs as he and four of his own favorite sisters nod their heads yes in guilt] Yes, but we definitely don't deserve it.
Lynn Sr.
Greetings, food truckers! I just replaced two stoves and a fridge at Lynn's Table, and I thought you folks might just use the other old things. [comes out of the van] You know, as an entrepreneur myself, I can tell you that running your own business is very rewarding. But it requires a lot of hard work, patience, and compromise.
Oh, I'm not worried. Clyde and I are always...
CNClyde & Nana Gayle
In sync. [they react in surprise, then laugh and fist bump]
[Lincoln and his father show up at the dock]
Lynn Sr.
[inhales deeply and sighs] Smell that beautiful lake air, son?
[inhales deeply, then gags] Ugh. It smells really… [gets hit by a swinging fish and lands on the dock with his back before Lynn Sr. helps him get back up] Fishy.
LSLance & Shiloh
[also showing up] Louds!
LLLincoln & Lynn Sr.
Louds!
[Shiloh happily tackles his cousin and the two adult brothers fist bump]
Louds! I'm so excited to catch some fish and family bonding on this trip! [hugs his adult sons and grandsons tightly]
Lynn Sr.
Us too! [kneels down to Lincoln and Shiloh along with his brother] You know, boys, when Lance and I were kiddos, Gramps was always out at sea, earning a living. We never went on fishing trips.
But now I get to make up for lost time. I'm just so… [starts to sob] Ding-dang, happy to have you all back in my life.
[speaking out loud] MRS. B! DON'T EAT THAT LOBSTER! IT'S BECOME A BAD THING BEFORE!!!
Lynn Sr.
[gasps] Huh? [smells the lobster and retches]
[Tyler, Scoots and Kotaro look down at the lobster and gag in disgust]
[shocked] Luan, do you know what you've just done?!
[sighs in disappointment, thinking she ruined her dream of being on the varsity mime team] Yes, I spoke. I broke the cardinal rule of miming, and now I'm breaking it again by telling you about it. I guess I'm not cut out for the Varsity Team. [she tears up and starts crying a fountain of tears]
BMrs. Bearnado
[Caring] Dear sweet baby child, what are you talking about? [Luan stops crying with tears on her face and snot from her nose] Let me read you something from the mime codebook. [places the imaginary codebook on the table] Lucky for you, I never leave home without it. [opens the imaginary codebook. Luan watches nervously] Alright, let's see... Ah, here it is: "Mimes are to remain silent at all times... Unless another person is put in harm's way"! Luan, you did follow the rules! You spoke to save me! You're a hero! And definitely worthy of this... [she reveals a varsity beret and places it on Luan's head, and the mime angels surround her; Luan is awestruck] Your varsity beret!
[Proud of herself for being accepted on the varsity mime team] I'm on the team?
[Lynn Sr. walks by and cries proudly]
Lynn Sr.
[hugs her daughter] I'm so proud of you, kiddo!
The Loud House · 632 quotes
