Rita quotes from The Loud House

Rita

What are you doing home, sweetie?

Rita

[seeing Lily being close to Lana as they exit the bathroom] Hey, Isn't that sweet? Looks like you're Lily's favorite, Lana.

Rita

And… uploaded! [gasps] Mrs. Fox posted a picture of her newest decorations! [shaking her phone, violently] WHERE DID SHE GET ANIMATRONIC GINGERBREAD MEN?! [groans with her face turning red of rage] Okay, girls. Help Mommy tear all of this down and start over! I may not just lose to that woman again!

Leni

Thank you folks for coming. After much investigating, I've just figured out that Lincoln is innocent. It was Lynn! And Luan! And Mr. Coconuts!

[gasps] You can't prove nothing!

Leni

Of course I can! [flashback to Lincoln doing his laundry duty when his stomach rumbles and rushes upstairs, out of the basement] Lincoln left the laundry room between 12:00 and 12:30 while the whites were washing, and when he did, the trio made their move. [Lynn, Luan, and Mr. Coconuts enter the basement, smirking slyly] First, Luan tossed her yellow socks in the wash! But peach socks alone couldn't dye the laundry peach. That's when Lynn threw in her red jersey! [Luan adds her yellow socks in the wash and Lynn adds her red jersey and presses "start" to turn on the wash; the whites dye peach as the clothes mix] And while all of this was going on, Mr. C. was acting as a lookout.

[not seeing the problem] That story don't seem to make a lint of sense!

Leni

Sure it does, and I've just had proof. [takes out coconut-scented detergent, and the other family gasps] When I interviewed Luan, I caught a whiff of something sweet. At first, I thought it was her coconut pie until I interviewed Lynn, whose jersey smelled exactly the same. Once I found the detergent, [pours some in the cap, and smells it] it all made sense.

[sniffs Lynn's jersey and Luan's socks] She's wright. They smell the same!

But why?! Why did you do it?!

Luan

Oh, Lincoln, isn't it obvious? [flashback to breakfast; voice-over] At breakfast, this morning, you totally snagged my gag! Hey, folks! What's a sheep's favorite fruit?

Baa-nana!

[voice-over] And I had a soak in it!

[voice-over to when she entered the kitchen and finds Lincoln eating her meatball sub, much to her anger] And then later, you ate my spicy meatball sub, which I was saving for my pre-game protein boost!

[voice-over] You stung us good, kid, so we came up with a plan for revenge.

Luan

We're sorry. We just got back at Lincoln for framing him. It was an awful idea, but we'll just replace everyone's clothes. Promise!

Enough with the sob story. Lana, take them to the slammer!

Rita

Or, instead, we put them on laundry duty for the next month.

Lynn Sr.

Works for me.

I'm on board with that.

And we'll just get Lincoln something, too. How's a limited edition David Steele comic sound? [playfully elbows him] Eh?

"Hey, Luan."

Luan

"Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"

"I don't get it."

Luan

"Oh! Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup."

Rita

"Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"

"Okay, Mom! 5 minutes!"

Rita

"Not 5 minutes! Now!"

"I will! Just give me three minutes!"

Lynn Sr.

"Lincoln, listen to your mother!"

Lynn Sr.

[weeping] That was my first car, and my dad's first car, and his dad's first car!

Rita

[enraged] ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!

Aw!

Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you- [farts] Everybody, now!

Lincoln Loud, that is enough!

Rita

I thought you were ready for the grownup table, but clearly, you are not.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Grouse.

We all chipped in and got you something.

It's a bus ticket.

Luan

So you can go see your family for Christmas tomorrow.

Rita

And since you can't be with them tonight... [Rita and Lynn Sr. finally reveal their faces] ...we're bringing our family to you.

Lynn Sr.

How bout it, neighbor?

LOUDS! [in a warmer tone] You've made this the best Christmas ever. Thank you. I'd say you all landed permanent spots on Santa's nice list.

Even me?

Even you. [Lola hugs Mr. Grouse's leg]

Once again... [sobs]

Well, what are you waiting for? Everyone inside!

Rita

Oh, your dad and I had to be apart for a month while he had mono.

Lynn Sr.

Those ding-dang karaoke mics were just dripping with germs.

Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!

Rita

Well, if you don't like it, you're welcome to leave! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.

That's what you want, isn't it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us!

Lynn Sr.

Oh, oh, like you haven't been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it's not gonna happen!

Lori

Guys, guys, please stop!

STAY OUT OF THIS!

Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here gnawing on your dry bird?

Rita

The turgooseon is delicious. Maybe the problem is your lumpy gravy!

Did someone say gravy?

[bumps Gravybot into the wall] No. They don't deserve it.

AAH. SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION! [squirts gravy all over Frida's painting]

[gasps] My painting!

Lori

I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.

Bobby

It's not all bad. I found this half-off turkey jerky.

Flip

Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs!

Bobby

Whoa, how did you guys find us?

Tracking devices. [both look at each other]

Lynn Sr.

You left before trying my twice-baked tart.

They would prefer my flan.

Lynn Sr.

Flan, shman. Tart, tart, tart!

Bobby

Stop! Don't you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn't stand the fighting and competing.

Lori

We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.

Well, nobody wants that.

Lynn Sr.

We certainly don't.

Lori, Bobby, I'm sorry we've been acting so childishly.

Rita

We're sorry too, it's just so hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.

Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.

Flip

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% markup. Holiday discount.

Bobby

Works for us.

I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!

Bobby

Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.

Lynn Sr.

I'm game.

Me too.

We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.

Rita

I'll help you.

Rita

Oh, no. Sweetie, don't worry. We'll get you a new sundae. [knocks on the window] Uh, excuse me!

Luna

No dice, dudes, they close at 5:00 this week.

Lynn Sr.

[Annoyed] What? Huh, you think they'd advertise something like that.

Rita

[picks her up] Oh, poor baby. Let's get you home.

Lynn Sr.

I can't believe our little Lori Lou is buying her very own car for college! (Inhales) It seems like just yesterday you were tootling around on your trike, diaper filled in the brim. (He begins to cry)

Lori

(Stops her father) Aww Dad, stop! Seriously, people are looking.

Rita

Now remember, sweetie, all you need is something sensible that will get you back in forth from school.

Lynn Sr.

Because you're coming home every weekend, right?

Lori

OMgosh! (She and Leni run to something amazing) That is literally the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen!

Leni

Hmm, he's cute, but kind of a weird dancer. (Copies the moves as a balloon man)

Lori

(Giggles) No, not that! (Gestures to a blue car) That!

Rita

I've never seen Lynn freeze up like that. I hope she doesn't take it too hard. [proven wrong when loud thundering is heard from upstairs; worriedly] Oh, no! She's rage-lifting again! And those sound like 50-pounders.

[imitating buzzer] Correction: 60-pounders.

Uh… I'll go talk to her.

Rita

[impressed] Wow, that's your sixth plate tonight, honey. You must be feeling better.

Oh, yeah. Thanks to this guy. [points to her brother, with everyone looking at him] He helped me see that I shouldn't make such a big deal about having a critic. Everyone has 'em, especially you guys.

I think you mean everybody but me. [chuckles]

Well, no. You have that one judge who says your ribbon routine is weaksauce. Oh, wait, no, no, wait, no, no. Lame. No, no, wait. What was the word she used, Lincoln?

Uninspired.

Bingo. There it is. [Lola whimpers and sulks in disappointment] Relax. It's not just you. Lincoln pointed out that you all have a hater. Tell 'em.

Sure. Well, Luna, the Burnt Bean manager thinks her grandma's piccolo band is better than the Moon Goats. [Luna sulks in dismay; to Luan] Luan, one user thinks you're about as funny as a stubbed toe. [Luan sulks in sorrow; to his father] Dad, Mr. Grouse thinks you should stick to lasagnas. [to his mother] Mom, one reader said your advice ruined her life. [to Lisa] And Lisa, some scientists are really over Todd.

Knowing you guys all have critics sure made me feel better. Linky, can you pass the salt?

You betcha.

[mumbling] Over Todd.

[snorts] Uninspired.

Luna

[gnawing on her bed sheets] Piccolos…

Rita

[bolting out of bed] I ruined her life!

Lynn Sr.

Stick to lasagna… [attempts to leave, but falls off the bed]