[After a long day of doing fisherman-related chores, the Loud kids sit at a campfire as Leonard plays accordion]
[The siblings do Nose Goes, and Lily is the last to react]
[sighs] Dang it. [approaches Leonard] Gramps?
LLeonard
[chuckles] Yes, little minnow?
Fishy stuff no fun. Bad for camp.
LLeonard
[stops playing] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whaddya mean?
Gramps, dude, what Lily's trying to say is that all that fisherman stuff was great, when you were a fisherman.
But it's not so great for a camp. You have to make people wanna come here.
[Both sides of the Loud family arrive at Camp Mastodon to spend the holiday with Leonard, but Lynn Sr. and Lance are not thrilled to see themselves]
LSLynn Sr. & Lance
[walking up to each other's faces] What're you doing here?! I asked you first! DAD!
[Leonard chuckles nervously]
Don't be mad at Gramps. This was our idea. We hope you might only come if your favorite brother weren't.
LLeonard
It's another time two of you bury the spatula once and for all. What do you say?
Okay. Everyone in the van!
Yeah! We're going back home, too!
Wait. Two of you need to stay. Consider it an early Christmas present to us.
Um, that may not become one of mine if not. [looks at her twin]
Honey, it's Christmas Eve. Remember our own mantra.
BBoth
I am strong here. [point to Lance's bicep] I am strong here. [try to point to their heads] And I'm strong here. [try to point to his heart]
[inhaling calmly] Fine, but I'm not happy about it.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm happy about it.
[fed up] Great. You're unhappy. At least you need to have that in common.
[The adult Loud brothers turn away from themselves and go their separate ways]
[also fed up as Rita walks up to her] Oh, well.
So they haven't just changed, but it's good to see you! [she and Sharon hug]
[The Loud siblings and cousins all hug, excited to see themselves]
Okay, it's going about as well as I expected. Now for Phase Two: Family Christmas Activities. Once our favorite dads get in the holiday spirit, they'll totally just forget about their favorite fights.
SSSweater Santa
Never underestimate the power of Christmas.
Well, that was a total bust, dudes.
I think they hate themselves for now.
LLeonard
Ah, fish paste. You minnows warm up in here. I'm going to go get us a tree for the mess hall cuz I want to go get us a tree for the mess hall. [gets his jacket, which is beside old photo of him and his own favorite sons, actually getting along with themselves in the forest] Your favorite dads helped me pick one out. [shows Lincoln the photo] It was our own favorite Christmas tradition. But, uh, well, this year, I don't think that's happening.
[looks at the photo and thinks, then suddenly gets an idea] What if we make it happen? Maybe this will just become one thing that brings them together.
LLeonard
Hey, boys, I think I found the perfect tree! [starts to chop it down with his own axe]
[smiling to his brother; remembering a happier time] Do you remember the time that tree accidentally started to fall on Vanzilla?
[Flashback to when they were kids; Leonard chops down a tree, and it wobbles before landing on top of Vanzilla, much to his disheartening, but the boys chuckle amusingly]
[voice-over on another flashback to when they were teenagers] Oh, oh, or how about the great squirrel incident?
[Leonard chops down a tree, that's occupied by a family of squirrels, who are not too happy with him, and they start attacking him while the teenage brothers swat each other, laughing]
[voice-over on another flashback to when they were young adults] You know, nothing beats that time we accidentally chopped down that telephone pole.
[Leonard accidentally chops down a telephone pole, mistaking it for a tree, which then falls into the other poles like dominoes, knocking them all over, and killing the power in the camp; the young adult brothers cringe, but laugh, as usual]
[remembering] Oh, we didn't have phone service for a month.
Guys, this is the most perfect Christmas ever.
[suddenly notices a spider on the fireplace while putting up the garland] AH! SPIDER! [grabs his brother's spatula out of the fruitcake and smashes it against the mantle, trying to kill the spider, thus bending it]
[freaks out when he saw that his brother accidentally damaged his spatula as he returns from the kitchen] Ah! My new spatula! [suddenly remembers what they were fighting about, seething with fury]
[Leonard and the kids all cringe]
[to the viewers] Um, maybe I spoke too soon.
[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2, Lance tries to fix the spatula, making it look as good as new]
[swipes back his beloved spatula; infuriated to his brother] You did that on purpose!
[slightly annoyed] Quit being a weenie! It's just a dumb kitchen utensil.
[now standing next to his brother's exercise ball] Oh, yeah?! Well I guess this is just a dumb rubber ball, huh?
[gasps] You mustn't harm the the Ab Blaster, this thing's 5000!
Well, what can I say? We "weenies" are unpredictable. [tries to pop the ball with the spatula, only for it to bounce off and hit him in the face, then rips it with his own teeth instead]
[Lance reacts in shock and remembers what their fight was about, groaning in fury]
[covering Lily's eyes; shocked with anger] Lynn!
[grabs a gingerbread cookie off the tray] Say goodbye to gingerbread you! [bites the head off of the cookie, making Lynn Sr. grab his throat in horror]
[covering Shiloh's own eyes; also shocked with anger] Lance!
Say goodbye to… [tries to pick up Lance's kettlebell, but it's too heavy] Okay, not that. Ah-ha! [grabs the "ENDURE-LANCE" ornament from the tree, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it]
[sees a present; reads label] "For Lynn." Ha! Not today, Santa! [soccer-kicks the present right out the open window, sending it miles into the forest] GOAL!
Actually, that was for Lynn Jr.
LLeonard
[blasting his air horn in irritation, stopping the fighting] For the love of Neptune, enough! Can't we just have a nice, quiet Loud Christmas?
I am not having Christmas with him.
I'm not having Christmas with him.
Well, we're all here for the night, so how are we going to make this work?
[Later, the two adult brothers have divided the mess hall in half for their families to have Christmas dinner on both sides]
[slicing a ham for his family on one side] Well, this works for me.
[slicing tofu for his family on the opposite] Works for me, more.
LLeonard
[sitting in the middle with a big orange stripe painted right down his middle] Yeah, not so much for me.
Sorry, Dad, but it's only one reason to make sure you don't take sides.
[Two adult Loud brothers put on their winter clothes before heading out to rescue Lincoln, Lori and Shelby from the frozen river]
You know, this is your fault, Lance. If you hadn't acted like a jerk before earlier, the kids never should pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt and the kids never would pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt!
[offended] Oh, I was born to act like the jerk? You are the other person who--
Stop! This is no time for arguing and fighting!
Rita's wright, Rita's correct, you need to go rescue the kids. Hurry, please!
[Two adult brothers run for the door, but feel stuck in it]
LLeonard
Oh, for trout's sake. [shoves them out the door]
[Lincoln and his father show up at the dock]
[inhales deeply and sighs] Smell that beautiful lake air, son?
[inhales deeply, then gags] Ugh. It smells really… [gets hit by a swinging fish and lands on the dock with his back before Lynn Sr. helps him get back up] Fishy.
LSLance & Shiloh
[also showing up] Louds!
LLLincoln & Lynn Sr.
Louds!
[Shiloh happily tackles his cousin and the two adult brothers fist bump]
LLeonard
Louds! I'm so excited to catch some fish and family bonding on this trip! [hugs his adult sons and grandsons tightly]
Us too! [kneels down to Lincoln and Shiloh along with his brother] You know, boys, when Lance and I were kiddos, Gramps was always out at sea, earning a living. We never went on fishing trips.
LLeonard
But now I get to make up for lost time. I'm just so… [starts to sob] Ding-dang, happy to have you all back in my life.
[The Louds and Clyde arrive at Camp Mastadon where they're staying for the summer]
LLeonard
Here they are! [gives his grandkids a big hug] Welcome to camp, family! Settle in!
My family and Clyde are spending the summer at Camp Mastodon. [tries to pull his orange suitcase out of the luggage only to cause it to collapse on top of him] My older sisters get to be camp counselors…
LLeonard
[giving his five older granddaughters their camp counselor uniforms] Here. You each get a special T-shirt that lets the kids know you're in charge! [Luna rips the sleeves off hers] Luna! That was brand new!
Dad's gonna be camp cook… Mom wants to revive The Mastadon Minute.
[reading the newspaper's headline] "New invention hits mess hall: The toaster."
The rest of us get to be campers. We're all so excited!
The Loud House · 632 quotes
