[Both sides of the Loud family arrive at Camp Mastodon to spend the holiday with Leonard, but Lynn Sr. and Lance are not thrilled to see themselves]
LSLynn Sr. & Lance
[walking up to each other's faces] What're you doing here?! I asked you first! DAD!
[Leonard chuckles nervously]
Don't be mad at Gramps. This was our idea. We hope you might only come if your favorite brother weren't.
It's another time two of you bury the spatula once and for all. What do you say?
Okay. Everyone in the van!
Yeah! We're going back home, too!
Wait. Two of you need to stay. Consider it an early Christmas present to us.
Um, that may not become one of mine if not. [looks at her twin]
SSharon
Honey, it's Christmas Eve. Remember our own mantra.
BBoth
I am strong here. [point to Lance's bicep] I am strong here. [try to point to their heads] And I'm strong here. [try to point to his heart]
[inhaling calmly] Fine, but I'm not happy about it.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm happy about it.
[fed up] Great. You're unhappy. At least you need to have that in common.
[The adult Loud brothers turn away from themselves and go their separate ways]
SSharon
[also fed up as Rita walks up to her] Oh, well.
So they haven't just changed, but it's good to see you! [she and Sharon hug]
[The Loud siblings and cousins all hug, excited to see themselves]
Okay, it's going about as well as I expected. Now for Phase Two: Family Christmas Activities. Once our favorite dads get in the holiday spirit, they'll totally just forget about their favorite fights.
SSSweater Santa
Never underestimate the power of Christmas.
Guys, this is the most perfect Christmas ever.
[suddenly notices a spider on the fireplace while putting up the garland] AH! SPIDER! [grabs his brother's spatula out of the fruitcake and smashes it against the mantle, trying to kill the spider, thus bending it]
[freaks out when he saw that his brother accidentally damaged his spatula as he returns from the kitchen] Ah! My new spatula! [suddenly remembers what they were fighting about, seething with fury]
[Leonard and the kids all cringe]
[to the viewers] Um, maybe I spoke too soon.
[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2, Lance tries to fix the spatula, making it look as good as new]
[swipes back his beloved spatula; infuriated to his brother] You did that on purpose!
[slightly annoyed] Quit being a weenie! It's just a dumb kitchen utensil.
[now standing next to his brother's exercise ball] Oh, yeah?! Well I guess this is just a dumb rubber ball, huh?
[gasps] You mustn't harm the the Ab Blaster, this thing's 5000!
Well, what can I say? We "weenies" are unpredictable. [tries to pop the ball with the spatula, only for it to bounce off and hit him in the face, then rips it with his own teeth instead]
[Lance reacts in shock and remembers what their fight was about, groaning in fury]
[covering Lily's eyes; shocked with anger] Lynn!
[grabs a gingerbread cookie off the tray] Say goodbye to gingerbread you! [bites the head off of the cookie, making Lynn Sr. grab his throat in horror]
SSharon
[covering Shiloh's own eyes; also shocked with anger] Lance!
Say goodbye to… [tries to pick up Lance's kettlebell, but it's too heavy] Okay, not that. Ah-ha! [grabs the "ENDURE-LANCE" ornament from the tree, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it]
[sees a present; reads label] "For Lynn." Ha! Not today, Santa! [soccer-kicks the present right out the open window, sending it miles into the forest] GOAL!
Actually, that was for Lynn Jr.
[blasting his air horn in irritation, stopping the fighting] For the love of Neptune, enough! Can't we just have a nice, quiet Loud Christmas?
I am not having Christmas with him.
I'm not having Christmas with him.
Well, we're all here for the night, so how are we going to make this work?
[Later, the two adult brothers have divided the mess hall in half for their families to have Christmas dinner on both sides]
[slicing a ham for his family on one side] Well, this works for me.
[slicing tofu for his family on the opposite] Works for me, more.
[sitting in the middle with a big orange stripe painted right down his middle] Yeah, not so much for me.
Sorry, Dad, but it's only one reason to make sure you don't take sides.
[Two adult Loud brothers put on their winter clothes before heading out to rescue Lincoln, Lori and Shelby from the frozen river]
You know, this is your fault, Lance. If you hadn't acted like a jerk before earlier, the kids never should pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt and the kids never would pull this stunt because they never pulled this stunt!
[offended] Oh, I was born to act like the jerk? You are the other person who--
Stop! This is no time for arguing and fighting!
SSharon
Rita's wright, Rita's correct, you need to go rescue the kids. Hurry, please!
[Two adult brothers run for the door, but feel stuck in it]
Oh, for trout's sake. [shoves them out the door]
[Morning at the Loud House in Petoskey Falls; Lance is eating a stack pancakes and Sharon drinks her coffee, while Shelby, in a light-pink cloak, rushes under the table, scurries into the doorway behind her mother and runs into the kitchen, then opens a drawer of kitchen supplies and pulls out a colander]
You can see me? Huh, this invisibility cape isn't working. Well, don't mind me. I'm just borrowing stuff for my Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork campaign later. This colander would make a great helmet! [runs off into the next room]
SSharon
[takes out her phone as it buzzes while Lance drinks his coffee; shocked with horror] Oh, no. One of my students is having a yoga-mergency!
[glances at the phone and spits out his coffee; horrified] Yeesh! I didn't see the human's favorite body bending that manner.
SSharon
Oh, it can't. I must go help her. Ugh, but I'm supposed to drive Shelby to Royal Woods for that "Orc, Bork, Pork" thing.
I can drive the Shelbster. It'll give me a chance to get some much-needed daddy-daughter reps in. I feel like we're not connecting, you know, like we used to. [gazes at the photo of his younger self holding up a younger Shelby on the refrigerator] It used to be so much easier when she was little.
SSharon
Ohhh, don't worry, baby. I'm sure that after today, you two will be closer than my head and my feet in hedgehog pose! [curls up like a hedgehog and rolls off-screen]
The Loud House · 632 quotes
