Lori quotes from The Loud House

Lori

"Pizza's here!" [Lynn, Lisa and Lincoln are standing beside her.]

"Ahh, yeah!"

Luan

"Hey, where's the pineapple pie for me and Mr. Coconuts?"

Lori

"Pineapple? Huh. I thought I heard you say brussel sprouts." [As she hands her a pizza, she gasps that Lori ordered brussel sprouts to her instead.]

Luan

"What?! I HATE brussel sprouts!"

Lori

"Oh well, guess it pays to enunciate. [leaves]

Luan

"Fabulous! Can you get those decafs, Lori? I'm getting swamped with managerial duties after one of my own favorite employees showed up late. Not trying to name names at all."

Lori

[annoyingly fills a tray of mugs with the decaf] Managerial duties? Ha! Looks more like stacking cups.

Luan

Hey, watch what you're doing! You're spilling coffee everywhere!

Lori

Ugh! Stop micromanaging me! You're in a power trip! Correct, Paraag?

Staying there. Correct.

Luan

[Angrily] Ha! She just can't stand taking orders from her little sister because she has an ego bigger than a Bean Kahuna!

Lori

That's the other small thing, care to remember? Huh! Guess I AM being good at my job!

"Let's ride!"

"WHOOO-EEE!"

Uh, Lori, what did you put in those decaf cups?

Lori

Nothing! I just got it from the decaf pot!

Luan

Decaf is the GREEN pot! You gave them Jumpin' Java!

Luan

The worst is over, Paraag. You did good.

Lori

"Wow! The way you handled that was amazing! None of this would've happen if I were mature enough to let you be in charge. I'm sorry. You really are a bean boss."

Luan

[Really touched] "Awww! Thanks! And I'm sorry I got all revengy today. I promise from now on, I will be a bigger bean."

Bobby

[catches Lori trying to hide under his bed as he enters his room] Lori?

Lori

[hesitantly] Surprise! Happy Cat-parent-iversary! [chuckles awkwardly]

Bobby

But it hasn't been a month yet, unless we're celebrating by week. [notices something] Wait a minute. Bland cat salad, boring toys, itchy homemade PJ's? [gasps in outrage shock] You're not here for our early cat-parent-iversary. You're sneaking around my back, taking care of Pepurroni! How could you?!

[calling off-screen] Bobby, Lola called to say your $100 check bounced, so she's done doing your dirty gato work.

Lori

[also gasps in outrage shock] You were doing the same thing!

[also calling off-screen] Bobby paid her an hundy? Lori only paid me 80 lousy bucks.

Bobby

[long gasp in complete shock] You had Carl helping you too?!

Lori

Oh, quit gasping. Pepurroni needed one responsible parent.

Bobby

Yeah? Well, I had to make sure he wasn't bored to tears.

Lori

Bored?! I took him to cat yoga!

Bobby

Yeah, not exactly a kitty's favorite past time.

Lori

Oh, yeah?! Then why was he purring his head off?!

Bobby

Was he purring, or was he groaning?

Time for work, Lori? [realizes] I mean, I'm just guessing. [chuckles] I don't know your work schedule. Why would I? That would be weird. Okay, someone else talk now.

Lori

No work for me this week. The Burnt Bean had to close for "emergency bean-ovations", so I figured I'd just chill in my apartment this afternoon. [leaves]

No! I can't miss the puking… I mean, hot dog eating contest today!

You won't. I got you.

Lori

Hey, Mr. Grouse.

[angrily waving a handful of bills] What in tarnation is going on in here, Loud?! I just got the water bill, the electric bill, and the cable bill for this apartment, and they're higher than my blood pressure! And with your family next door, that's really high!

Lori

[looks over the bills; shocked] What?! How could they be so bad?! I'm literally never here! I don't know how this happened! I also… don't have the money to pay them.

[swipes the bills out of her hands] Fine. I'll pay them, but I gotta tell ya, I had no idea you were gonna be such an expensive tenant. [groans] You know what? I think it might be better if you find somewhere else to live.

Lori

[guilty] I totally understand, Mr. Grouse. I'll start looking for a new place right away. I'm really sorry.

You don't have anything to be sorry for, Lori.

Leni

Yeah, this is our fault. We're responsible for the high bills.

We've been using your apartment when you weren't here.

Lori

[snapping furiously with her face in red of rage] (YOU) WHAT?!

We knew we were respecting your privacy, but we didn't realize we were ruining your life.

To show you how sorry we are, we'll find a way to earn enough money to pay your bills.

This prom is so not memorable!

Only one thing I'll ever remember about this school is the plumbing!

I didn't meet my first husband!

Lori

I can't believe my favorite sister ruined everyone's prom!

Rita

As a parent, I've never been very disappointed before.

Leni

[waking up with a scream; to Tanya, laying beside her] Tanya, wake up! I need to get back to school and make prom better, even if it takes all night! Let's get to work!

[looking through binoculars from his bedroom window, watching Lori waiting outside her apartment for her new mattress to arrive] 9:00 A.M. No sign of delivery, just Lori trying to get gum off her shoe. Yeesh. [to the viewers] I know what this looks like, but I'm not spying on Lori. She ordered a new mattress that's being delivered today, and I'm gonna claim her old one. It's still in great shape! Meanwhile, my mattress has sustained some damage. [zoom out to reveal he's standing on his wrecked mattress] Oh, don't worry, it's just cherry Flippee spillage… [gets a coil caught in his head] And there are coil issues. [shakes his head to get the coil off and hears a truck horn outside] The mattress is here! [walks outside to Lori's apartment as she pushes her new mattress inside] Hey, Lori! Let me help you.

Lori

Nice try, Lincoln. I already gave my old mattress to Leni.

What?! Why Leni?!

Lori

Because she's next in line. It's literally a family rule. Did you forget about the L.L.S.? "Loud Line of Succession?"

Of course not. [cut to him in front of the bookshelf, only to be proven wrong that he did forgot; to the viewers] I definitely forgot about the Loud Line of Succession. [uses Lynn's hockey stick to get the Book of Loud Stuff down from the top shelf] It's right here in the Book of Loud Stuff. Mom and Dad put this together years ago to help solve disputes over our…stuff. Ah, here it is: The L.L.S. [reading] "A handed down item will always go to the next oldest sibling. If that sibling passes on the item, it moves to the next oldest." Wait, that's how I can get the mattress! I just need Leni, Luna, Luan and Lynn to pass on it. Easy-peasy. [closes the book and gets covered in dust]

[gets an idea and dashes into his room] I have an announcement! [his sisters all stop fighting] I've decided… [drags out Lori's old mattress] to let Lynn have this mattress.

Huh? What?!

Look. I know I've started all of this, but I think everyone must get their favorite things back. The Book of Loud Stuff was created to keep the peace in this house, but now we're just using it to take advantage of ourselves. I propose one last amendment. [takes out a pen and writes down a new amendment on a yellow sticky note] "The well-being of the family always comes first."

Lori

You're right, Lincoln. You're correct, brother.

Agreed.

Absolutely.

Lori

I heard Dad sneeze! Get inside! [quickly closes the door as her siblings dash inside her apartment]

Ugh. Dad is the worst when he gets a cold. He turns into such a baby. [to Lily] No offense, Lily.

[shrugs; not caring] Mmm.

Lori

Okay, guys, don't panic. We can all stay here until Dad is well again. [grabs her bag] I'll run to the grocery store and get supplies, so we can hunker down. [opens the door, ends up bumping into Rita as she appears and falls on the floor]

Rita

There you all are. Listen, your dad is a bit under the weather, and I have to get to work. I need you to take care of him till I get home. [the siblings all groan in dismay] I know he can be a little… dramatic when he's sick. [cringes as her husband sneezes loudly]

Lynn Sr.

[off-screen; weakly] I can't feel my face.

Rita

All you have to do is make sure he hydrates and rests.

Fine.

Lori

Sure, Mom.

Rita

Thanks, kids. I appreciate it. [leaves]

Lori

We can do this, guys. As long as we work together… [catches Lola trying to bail by sneaking out the window] Uh, Lola, no sneaking out the window.

Lynn Sr.

[sniffles the mucus in his nose and groans] Who's there? Are those my children?

Luna

It's okay, Pops. You've just got a cold.

Lynn Sr.

Oh, thank you kids for trying to give me hope. I know how bad it is. [sadly writes a will]

[takes the book out his hands] Oh, for the Oath of Hippocrates. [takes out a thermometer] Father, I am going to prove you're overreacting. Open up. [Lynn Sr. groans as she sticks the thermometer in his mouth, then checks her watch] See? 98.7 degrees. You're fine.

Lynn Sr.

[gasps in shock] Fine?! Normal is 98.6! I'm burning up! Can someone make me some toast and tea, please?

I'll do it!

Lori

[blocking Leni, Luan and Lola's way from getting to the front door by bailing] No way! No one's bailing on Dad duty. We are all in this together.

Lynn Sr.

[off-screen] Uh, can someone siphon the snot from my nose with a turkey baster?

Lori

Okay, we all have to get out of here.

Leni

Has anyone seen a half-naked, delirious man with the sniffles and a love of drama?

Oh, if it isn't the Loud kids, my favorite patients! You're the reason I was able to buy a pool and put in a water slide. [clears throat] Anyway, you must be here to see your dad.

Luna

So, he is here?

Yup. He showed up in his underwear, had a quick chat with a skeleton in my exam room, then fell asleep. [leads them to the exam room and see their father resting on the bed] I haven't seen him this exhausted since you kids all got the chicken pox at the same time.

Leni

Wow. I forgot about that.

Well, that was nothing compared to when you all got the stomach flu. [they all leave the exam room] You should've seen him running around with a bucket catching your vomit for 10 days straight! [walks off, shuddering, and the Loud siblings cringe]

Lori

We're literally the worst.

Luan

Yeah. After all Dad's done for us our whole lives, we couldn't even take care of him for one day.

[getting an idea] But the day's not over.

Luan

"Hey, Lori. How's it going with your campers?"

Lori

Oh. Literally fantastic. Pretty sure they already love me. [flips her hair, not noticing two wieners landing in it and cluelessly goes to her table; hears what her girls really think of her as she goes to the table]

Wow, Lori is obsessed with rules.

Right? [groans] She's so uncool.

Lori

[drops her tray in shock, having to be called that, then crouches down to pick up her food as her campers notice her] What? I am not like that at all. Well, I'll just have to show them how cool I really am.

Quick, she's coming! Act natural!

Lori

Guys, I have some news... Bobby and I have decided to break up.

Leni

[throws the magazine over the couch, shocked] O-M-GOSH, WHAT?!

[shocked as well] Girl, stop lying!

Lori

It was a tough decision. We've been together for so long and still care about each other so much. But we both agreed that we could use some time apart, find ourselves and who knows what the future holds?

Leni

[approaches her] Sister hug?

Lori

Thanks, Leni, I needed that. [starts walking towards the front door, then stops] It might take some time, but I'll be okay. [leaves, closing the door behind her]

Leni

Wow. The end of Blobby, but it's a new Bliginning!

Ah, that would be a great name for the show.

Lori

[staring at Bobby's latest post on Swifty Pic, panicking over the idea of him moving on] How in the world did Bobby find someone before me?! This is so not okay! I have to find a boyfriend, stat!

Wait a minute. I thought you were happy on your own.

Lori

I was, until I saw this. Now the whole world's gonna think Bobby won the breakup! I'll look pathetic.

[gasps] And if you look pathetic, then I look pathetic!"

Lori

Don't worry. I'll fix it. For both of us.