[lugging a giant fish; deadpan] This must be from Gramps.
[yelps as Rita holds the giant fish in his face; the fish then regurgitates out a letter; reading] "Set sail on the SS Gramps. Won't you join me for Christmas at Camp Mastodon? Please RSVP in enclosed pre-stamped flounder." [the giant fish regurgitates a flounder] Oh, dear! [elated] Christmas with Dad? Oh, heck yes!
[clears throat] What about your bad back, dear?
[remembering that] You know, I-I'm feeling a lot better for now, I am. It's... It's a Christmas miracle!
Lori[texting on her phone] Texting cousins, "Dad bought it." Oh, Shelby's typing. [Texts from Shelby appear] Santa emoji, foot emoji, thumbs-up emoji. Sounds like Uncle Lance bought it too.
Lori
[weeping] Let's face it, this living situation is so not working out. But there are, like, zero apartments avail. Maybe taking a gap year was a mistake. [sniffles sadly, then notices all her siblings looking guilty and groan nervously; confused] Why is everyone exchanging guilty looks?
Lori, there's something we need to tell you. This is all our fault. Sunny Holmes isn't real. She's Luan.
[Luan puts on her Sunny Holmes wig and chuckles sheepishly]
Lori
[yelling in strong fury; Lily tumbles off the sofa like a tumbleweed] WH-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-T?! [angrily grabs Lincoln by the collar and pulls him up to her face; demanding] Explain, now!
We were so excited when we thought you were moving back, and we didn't want to lose you again. So we sabotaged your apartment hunt. We're really sorry.
Lori
[sighs as she calmly puts her brother down] Classic. I should have known.
Oh, don't blame yourself. I gave an extremely realistic performance. In fact, I just sold Cheryl and Meryl a lakefront vacation house.
I guess we didn't realize how hard it would be for you to live at home again. Please don't give up on Royal Woods. New plan: We'll find you a legit realtor. Right, guys?
[The Loud family is in London, England, and Rita is seemingly driving their rental double-decker bus on wrong side of the road]
Honey, you're on the wrong side of the road! [Steers the bus on the left side. The Loud siblings scream from the back]
I always forget they drive on the left side in England. Everyone okay back there?
[The Loud siblings are pressed against the window]
[Rita presses her foot on the breaks as the traffic light turns red and the bus screeches to a stop]
[to a British man who's preparing to board their bus] Sorry. This is our rental bus. We have a wheely big family. [laughs]
[pops up in front of the viewers] Welcome to London! So what are the Louds doing across the pond? Good question. Luna got an invite to attend Mick Swagger's knighting ceremony at the Royal Castle. And because she's such a huge fan, Mick flew out our whole family! That's right, we traveled all the way from Royal Woods, Michigan, to London, England.
[A map shows the Louds' plane flying from Royal Woods, Michigan, USA, over the Atlantic Ocean, and lands in the England state of the European country]
[reading Mick Swagger's autobiography when Lynn kicks her soccer ball, knocking it out of her hands] Chill out, Lynn! I'm trying to reread Mick's autobiography, even after the 10th time, I'm learning new dets about his life.
LLynn
And I'm trying to get into the English spirit. Brits love soccer.
Lori
They call it "football" here, Lynn. And the King's favorite team is the Chuffbottom Chips.
[to the viewers] Lori spent the whole flight binging a reality series on British royals called Drama Kings, so she thinks she's an expert now.
[in British accent] Oh, oh, there's the local chippy where me and me mates used to nosh on sonnies. [laughs]
[chuckles] Dad is trying to relieve the college semester he spent in England. And me? I'm just excited to be in the city where they shot my favorite David Steele movie; To London with Love. Whoa! I think David jumped from that rooftop!
[Their bus comes to a stop in front of the Royal Castle and the siblings are slammed against the window]
Lori
[gasps] Look! We made it to the Royal Castle!
[As everyone dances to the Swagger Stagger song, Lynn Sr. dances a bit too far, and accidentally bumps his hip into the King, sending him to fall out the window and into a puddle while he and the family look outside]
Lori
[horrified] Dad, that was the King!
Okay, everyone on the bus. Our trip starts now. [leaves and the others follow]
Lori
[waving her hand in Lynn's face] Lynn? Hello? Are you okay?
What's going on with her?
Lori
Dazed look.
[sighs dreamily while gazing] Henrik.
Lori
Smitten sigh. [gasps] Excitedly whispering a boy's name.
O-M-Gosh! I think Lynn has…
LLLori & Leni
[squealing in excitement] A CRUSH!!!
[imitates buzzer] Lynn Loud crushes people! She doesn't crush on them! [looks at Henrik again, flexing a muscle while holding up a clock; sighs dreamily and giggles] Okay, maybe just a little one. [snaps out of it] But what do I do about it? I'm such a rookie when it comes to this kind of junk.
[Lynn and Henrik make snow angels while they laugh, they both touch hands. At the top, Lori and Leni spy on them with binoculars. They smile at each other while feeling proud of Lynn and themselves]
LLLori & Leni
Best crush coaches ever!!! [The two sisters shake hands and squeal excitedly for their success. A huge pile of snow falls on them; they giggle]
[looking at the photo Leni just took] Ugh, this is ghastly. Lincoln wasn't scared at all.
Yes, I was. I'm still shaking in my commander boots.
Lori
[dressed as a black cat; glancing at the photo] Lincoln, you're literally yawning in the photo. [reveals the photo, showing Lincoln yawning as Luna, dressed as a zombie, bites his head]
'Cause I was so tired of being scared! [then realizes his sisters aren't buying it] Okay, you're right. It's just, you always do the fog up the stairs thing, and Luan was Mr. Coconuts three years ago, and you two are always black cats. It's just, I've seen it all before.
We need to make some spooky adjustments and fast. We can't be anything less than terrifying. I won't stand for it.
A1Alien #1
Earthlings, please accept our apologies. We were passing through your galaxy and running low on fuel. That's when we received a transmission from one of your communicators.
Ha! Your stupid omelet thing! I knew it! [the Planet Protection Patrol glares at him] You're not heroes! You guys brought the aliens here! It's all their fault! [One of the aliens, however, replays the transmission, revealing it was actually him who brought them; on recording] Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don't you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party? [realizes his folly]
A2Alien #2
Then the bad Earthling revealed you all disguise yourselves on your human holiday.
[on recording] There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!
[Chandler frowns in disbelief, realizing he's been found out]
A2Alien #2
That gave us the idea to infiltrate your species and use you as a power source. It's well-known throughout the galaxies that humans make great batteries.
A3Alien #3
Unfortunately, I'm always putting them in upside down. [laughs]
[annoyed] Nice going, Chandler.
Lori
[also annoyed] You're literally the worst.
[having no regret] I'm so over all this! [presses the keypad, opening the door] Chandler, out! [walks backwards, but suddenly falls and lands in the Louds' web] Ew, gross!
[Nighttime at the Loud House; someone is raiding in the kitchen and eating the contents, letting an empty can roll in the kitchen. Rita and Lynn Sr. peek out of their own bedroom.]
[whispers to Rita] "Well, Did you hear that? The Midnight Snack Thief is back!" [he and Rita sneak over to the kitchen, but stopped by Lincoln and his sisters]
"Guys! Don't worry. I've set up a trap that should be going off right about..." [The sound of a net catching its prey is heard] "Now." [he and the others enter the kitchen] "Gotcha!" [turns on the lights, and the family is shocked to discover the Midnight Snack Thief is...] "Lori?!"
Lori
[sheepishly] "Oh! Hi, guys!" [the trap drops her to the floor, and rubs her head] "Ow."
"You're the one who's been taking our stuff?"
"Sweetie, if you needed all this, you could have just asked."
Lori
[gets up on her feet] "I didn't want to worry you guys. After paying Mr. Grouse's rent, I'm very broke. [groans] I've had no luck getting a job." [frowns; Luan excitedly steps up in front of her]
"Wait a minute! I've been working part-time at the Burnt Bean and I heard they're hiring a new bean-rista!" [gestures to her big sister]
Lori
"I blew my interview there when I first moved home, remember?"
"Well, lucky for you, I'm pretty tight with our manager, Beany Brewinski. If I put in a good word, you're going to get golden cuz you seem to get golden!"
[Lori accepts the offer Luan gave her. She gets excited.]
Lori
"So, I'd be making money AND we'd be working together? How fun would that be?"
[Two of them squeal in excitement; A few days later… Lori and Luan are driving on their sides to the Burnt Bean.]
[Elbows Lori] "Thanks for driving, CO-WORKER! Sure beats my old unicycle commute."
Lori
"Ah, It's literally the least I can do." [giggles and starts singing. Luan has an excited look.] ♪ SISTERS! Working together! ♪
[Also starts singing] ♪ Chasing those Burnt Bean DREAMS!!! ♪ [tilts her head back and lowers it back down.]
Lori
♪ Brewing the coffee! ♪
LLLuan and Lori
[Singing together in harmony.] ♪ SISTERS! Working together! ♪
"Okay, everyone, Another time to go."
BBeany
Good morning, coffee crew! [Luan and Lori are in their barista outfits] Everyone have their seven cups of coffee? No? Just me! [chuckles] "Alright! I'm thrilled to announce the newest addition to the Burnt Bean team, Lori Loud! Let's give her a caf-hey!"
LPLuan and Paraag
"Caf-hey!"
Lori
[awkwardly] "Caf… hey!" [giggles]
BBeany
"Next order of bean-ness, I'm off to a conference in Beantown, so I'll be promoting our top bean-rista to manager while I'm gone. Say hello to your new bean boss… Luan!"
[Lori and Paraag gasp excitedly]
"Wowee! I shan't be there to let you down because I don't need to let you down and I won't be there to let you down because I don't need to let you down, Beany!"
BBeany
"I know you won't! I'm trusting you to keep the bean dream alive!" [Leaves] "Toodles!"
"You deserve this, Luan."
"Aww! I couldn't have done it without you, Paraag. We make a good blend!" [They giggle]
Lori
"Yeah, congrats! I had no idea you were such a talented barista."
"Awww! Thanks! I hope you're okay with this. I know you didn't try to plan on working for your little favorite sister."
Lori
"Are you kidding? I'm totally okay. Just think of me as another employee. No playing favorites."
[Luan takes Lori behind the counter]
"Okay, we're going to hit the grounds running!" [She shows Lori the advanced coffee machine] "Let's start your training with the espresso machine." [The machine sparkles; Luan taps on it] "This baby is going to be your best friend. Treat her right, and she won't give you any trouble." [The machine puffs up some steam]
"We need a Hot Bean Kahuna Joe-ppuccino!"
"One hot BKJP coming up! Speaking of drinks..." [She tosses the menu to Lori which she tries to catch it.] "You're gonna need to learn the menu. You've got your Royal Roast, Double Royale, Joe-ppuccino, Macchia-joe, Frappu-Beano..." [She pulls over a tray with a cup of coffee, a coffee bag, and a green pot.]"...Burnt Cremé Brulé Latte. And a slow joe in the green pot. That's decaf." [Lori begins getting overwhelmed by Luan's different coffee types racing by her.] "But then there's also half caf, regular caf, double half regular caf..." [That insignia hits her face, so she grabs it and places it aside.] "... and half caf decaf." [The last insignia pops.]
Lori
"Whew."
"Then, you've got your sizes:" [She begins stacking cups] Baby Bean, tall bean, high bean, and..." [She reveals a tiny cup.] ... "The Bean Kahuna, which is also the smallest."
[On the drive home from the Burnt Bean…]
[Happily singing] ♪ SISTERS! Working together! Chasing those Burnt Bean DREAMS!!! ♪ [tilts her head back again as Lori growls]
[Rita and Lynn Sr. prepare to leave. Luan and Lori enter the house.]
"Hi girls. We're off on our date night."
"We're trying that new place, Mitch's Massage and Macaroni. I'm gonna get the tissue with meatballs."
"Lori, you probably want to go back to your apartment, So Leni, you're in charge until we get back."
[Leni walks by Luan, and Lori, who knows how to get back at Luan.]
Lori
"Ooh! Actually, I'm in no hurry. I love to babysit! I bet Leni wants to go!"
Lori
"You do!"
"Foot massage with fettuccine, here I come!" [She leaves as Lynn Sr. and Rita watch in confusion.]
"I'm sorry, so she's with us now?" [He and Rita leave.]
Lori
"Hear that everyone? I'm in charge!" [Luan stares at her in confusion.]
The Loud House · 632 quotes
