[Eric starts to drive the car into the garage]
What the...?
You're moving it a foot and you hit something. Jeez.
Oh my God! Its... Its Mr. Bonkers.
Wow. That is one dead cat.
S2 E20Kiss of Death
[At the Forman kitchen, Kelso tells Laurie that they must break up]
I don't wanna live with this lying anymore. Because I only love Jackie.
Okay. So, do you wanna go up to my room and have sex?
Uh...sure! [Realizes what he's doing] No, wait! No! [releases Laurie and turns around so his back is to the kitchen's garage entrance] No! Okay, I...this...Laurie, I...I'm serious. We're over.
Wow. I think you really mean it.
I totally do.
[sees Jackie just outside the garage] Okay, Kelso, you're free! You know what I'd like, though? Just one last goodbye kiss.
Um...okay, well sure. [kisses Laurie. Jackie is shocked and rushes in]
Michael!
[lets go of Laurie] Jackie! We were...[Jackie runs away] No, there was...
Wow, how ironic, huh? [leaves the room. Kelso bangs his head against the wall]
S2 E21Kelso's Serenade
[Kelso continues to write his song and practice the chords]
"I didn't mean to cheat, but she forced me. Downright coerced me." [pauses] That's kinda good. [writes lyrics]
Man, I just asked her (Donna) for a root beer.
You tried to control her Eric, and the women always controls the men.
That's true.
Donna does not control me!
Oh Eric, you have so much to learn, my friend.
I wish Jackie was still controlling me. I love being on a short leash. [pauses, and strums guitar again] "Put the SHORT LEASH BACK ON ME!"
Kelso, uh, let me see that for a second. [picks up guitar and smashes it on table]
[laughs] You know that was kind of funny, that was your guitar. [pauses] BURN!
[at Aunt Pearl's home, Red tries a way to entertain her along with Kitty and Laurie]
Come on Pearl, there's a Bucks game on!
PAunt Pearl
[enthusiastically gets out of rest room and heads to her chair] The Bucks, huh?
[comforts Red] Well, now see? This is nice.
PAunt Pearl
The only thing that keeps me alive is watching the Bucks lose! PPPT!
[Unenthusiastically]: Go Bucks.
[after hearing Kelso's song] Well... I think that you should draw her a picture.
Hey pal, you think you're funny? Well someday Donna's gonna crush your stupid little heart, too!
Yeah... see, I don't think so because I've taken special precautions to prevent that very thing from happening. For instance, I don't sleep with other women.
Yeah, well it's only because you're chicken!
S2 E22Jackie Moves On
So, did you kiss her? 'Cause I'll kill you if you kissed her.
No, I didn't want to kiss her. I wanted to hand her a napkin... There was not a moment when she didn't have a face full of food. I was disgusted.
Okay, Laurie, I know what you told Hyde.
What are you talking about, loser?
The camp story. Doctor Pee Pee. You're dead.
[whispering to Hyde] what's going on?
Shh. Pretend it's TV.
Well, I know some stuff about you, little lady. Fellas, Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes, and shoulder blades.
In the fifth grade, Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit 'cause a girl kicked sand in his face.
You stuffed in high school.
So did you.
Last year Laurie used all of her birthday money to buy a back massager; which isn't fooling anyone, by the way.
Well, that's not as bad as the time I walked in on you in bed with your Dorothy Hamill poster and you were all--
Laurie was born with a tail!
[Fez gasps.]
What?
Yeah! Laurie was born with a tail!
I HATE YOU! [runs upstairs]
It's true. [puts hands together and makes a tail]
Boy, Laurie, you really liked that hot dog. You didn't even chew it!
Oh, hey, Hyde. Father's Day is coming up. Shouldn't you practice saying, "Hi, are you my Daddy?"
Oh, by the way, Laurie. The surgeon general called. He wanted you to stop hoarding all the penicillin.
You know, when you're in prison, your bad table manners will probably just be a turn-on for some guy named Tank.
Well, maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you can ask him to take it easy on me.
S2 E23Holy Crap!
Okay. Lets see your pictures. Kitty, what do you see when you think of God? [Kitty shows picture] Oh, that's nice. Very lifelike.
See He's, um, He's looking down fondly on all of us going to church.
DDave
Steven. [Hyde shows picture of a man with long hair and a beard] Very good. I see, when you think of God, you see Jesus.
No man, it's Clapton.
Oh my God, man. I drew Clapton too.
Ok, Laurie, let's see what you have.
[Laurie slowly puts three cards down one at a time while smiling and glaring at Dave]
Six... six... six... [frightened] Oh, well thank you for the wonderful evening! I'll see you at church!
S2 E24Red Fired Up
[Red scolds Eric on picking up boxes]
Eric, bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm gonna-
[as he logs the boxes in a clipboard] -kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat, yeah yeah yeah...
[Kelso leaves with Laurie]
No offense, Mrs. Forman, but those two could make the dumbest babies ever.
S2 E25Cat Fight Club
[Red talks to Kelso in the garage over his relationship with Laurie]
What you want to do is fly in under my radar, so that if I don't see you and Laurie together, or even mention her name in the same breath, I might just forget that you even exist, got it?
Yeah, so if you mean me and Laurie -
Oh no, now, you just mentioned my daughter's name.
Ok, so if Kelso and your daughter -
No no, see...that's not gonna work either.
This is hard, Red!
Yeah, you're gonna be here 'till you get it right, Kelso!
Okay Red, but eventually my parents are gonna come looking for me.
[threatening voice] Yeah, but they're not gonna find ya! Oh, that's another joke. Come on laugh, Kelso! [Kelso begins to cry]
[After Jackie mauls Laurie]
I can't believe Laurie bit me. I hope she didn't give me slut rabies.
Jackie, you're my hero. [Jackie looks confused. Eric continues] You hit her in the eye.
Yeah but I guess it wasn't very zen of me, was it Hyde?
Well, where zen ends, ass-kicking begins. And that's your final lesson, grasshopper.
S2 E26Moon Over Point Place (1)
[Hyde scans pictures of Jackie's yearbook copy when he sees something]
Oh my God, someone in the crowd is mooning! [gang rushes to see it.] You're all cheering away and all the time you're getting mooned, yeah!
Oh, my God, that's a girl butt. There's girl butt in the yearbook. Oh man, I can't tell who it is, I wish we had a magnifying glass.
[whips out a magnifying glass] Here you go. [Gang looks back at him.] I was just playing with some bugs.
God, I can't believe it, someone's nasty butt is in my picture.
Oh my God, that's not girl butt...that's Donna's butt! [Kelso, Hyde and Fez look at a pleased Donna, and then at her butt]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's That '70s Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.