[catching Kitty smoking the gang's stash in the bathroom]): What do you have to say for yourself?
I'M STARVING!
S8 E1Bohemian Rhapsody
[Kelso, Fez, and Donna forgot to bring beer. Charlie gives them a six-pack]
How much do we love this guy?
He's a prince!
Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.
CCharlie
Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know. It's like the first day of the rest of my life! [ leans against the railing, which breaks] WHOOHOO!
THE BEER! [gang looks down and hears a thud]
That was a pretty awkward landing...I hope he's okay.
Of course he's okay. It's not like anyone ever died falling off the water tower.
[narrating to tape recorder, in kitchen]...And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Water Tower.
S8 E2Somebody to Love
[Jackie tries to hit on Donna's date, who walks away]
[rants off at bar patrons] Ah come back here! Nobody ignores Jerky Backhart! I am adorable! I am engaging and I'm DAMN likeable. And if you're too stupid to see that, then I feel sorry for you! [her dress slips off her shoulder] 'Cause if anyone should be the center of attention here, it's me.
Jackie! [tries to cover Jackie up]
Get off me! [Donna whispers something in her ear] What the hell is a "boobs out"? [looks down] AAARRGGHHHH!!!!
Oh my God. What did I do?
You married a Las Vegas stripper. Congratulations. With Eric gone, you’re the town dumbass.
S8 E3You're My Best Friend
[Kelso and Fez talk about Hyde]
I still can't believe our little Hyde went off and married a Las Vegas stripper.
Yeah. Now we have to get him a present. What says "congratulations on your wedding and I want to nail your wife"?
Oooooooh we should get him one of those big electric knives! Those suckers will cut right through your hand.
S8 E4Misfire
I can't believe it's our last circle together. Wait... Oh! Now I know why we called it a circle! Thats freaking awesome!
Jacqueline Burkhart, will you marry me?
Oh, Michael, no!
No?
No!
Jackie, you just made me the happiest man on earth! I cant believe I wanted to marry you! That was my worst idea ever! And I had some really bad ideas. I mean, a Firecracker Suit -- come on! What the hell was THAT?!?
The best fourth of June ever, that's what.
[The gang hosts one last circle with Kelso in the basement before he leaves Point Place]
I can't believe it's our last circle before I go. Wait a minute... Oh! Now I get why we call it a circle! THAT IS FREAKING AWESOME!
You know, Michael, I will always remember you as the first boy who kissed me… and proposed to me, and told me that putting out makes your nails grow. I really believed you.
Kelso, I'm kinda gonna miss you constantly trying to grab my boob. You made me feel pretty. ...I am messed up.
Donna, I give you my word. I will always be here, trying to grab your boob. We'll do it for Kelso...[tears up] who won't be here to do it anymore. Oh, God!
Man... Kelso, this is weird. I always imagined our last moment together would be me... watching you strapped to a homemade rocket, flailing around in circles screaming, "Turn it off! Turn it off!"
Well, guess this is goodbye. ...Man, I'm gonna miss this. Like, being down here, I've had, like, the best time of my life. And you know what? No matter where I live, I will love you guys forever. [pause] Well, guess it's time to go. So... see ya.
[Kelso gets up and leaves the basement]
Bye, Michael.
Wow. He's really gone.
[holding back tears] My beautiful tormentor!
This sucks.
[runs back inside] I'm not leaving til tomorrow! [points at Fez] And you were crying! BURN!
S8 E5Stone Cold Crazy
I want to send Eric some sexy photos.
SSam
Sure. I have some in the car. Want me to go get them?
First, let me grab your melons.
Ooh, aren't they nice and firm?
Yeah, here grab my banana.
Ooh, it's so big.
DKDon Knotts
Okay, you perverts, stop it right now! Fruit salad again? Why can't they ever be having sex?
S8 E6Long Away
[At a veterans' reunion, Red is flustered that Leo is actually a World War II veteran despite his hippie appearance]
I can't believe Leo is a veteran. I don't know whether to like him a little more or like myself a little less.
Red, this was supposed to be your special night. We should be the ones over there getting free drinks.
"We"?
I spent all my money on this costume.
[walks up to Leo] So Leo, what exactly did you do in the war? I mean, just besides drive a supply truck.
VVeteran
Just drive a supply truck?! Leo, did you tell them what you did?
Nah. It's embarrassing.
VVeteran
You gotta tell 'm!
All right. I peed on Jane Fonda.
VVeteran
Leo here drove his truck right into a German tank formation and rescued an entire platoon.
Really?!
VVeteran
Didn't you get a medal for that?
Yeah. I forget what it was called, but it was shaped like a purple heart.
Damn Leo. I'm impressed [shakes Leo's hand] From one veteran to another, I'd like to buy you a drink.
Actually, I like to buy you a drink.
I'll take a drink.
Sorry. This round is for men who fought for Uncle Sam, not spent the war hiding in their Uncle Sam's house.
Hey man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink.
All right, fine.
Bartender, one Shirley Temple!
S8 E7Fun It
[The gang just 'kidnapped' Fatso the Clown]
[entering the basement] So you guys-[screams] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!
We stole Fatso the Clown! And now we're gonna...uhm...what do we do with a stolen clown?
[in starting a Circle] THIS is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.
FFatso
[Randy providing voice] Hohohohohohohoho. Thanks for bringing me here you guys!
So Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for ya?
FFatso
Huhuh yeah. Find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice long legs and a pair of double D [honks horn].
I found this in the garage.
Oh Randy, you think you are so funny [sniggers] That was funny.
Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me...he doesn't even blink...
It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then..KILL YOU! [Jackie screams loud]
[unaware that the gang, consisting of Donna, Hyde, Fez and Randy are attempting to 'kidnap' Fatso the Clown, the mascot for Fatso Burger, attempts to order from the drive through of the fast food joint] What's Cookin', Fatso?
[hiding behind the Fatso statue] Uhm... [in American accent] Welcome to Fatso burger.
I'll have a uh, big fatso combo with extra secret sauce.
Would you like apple pie with that?
Sure.
And the extra large soda for 10 cents more?
OK.
Oh, And onion rings are free with all that.
I'll take 'em.
So let me read that back. One big Fatso combo with extra sauce, an apple pie, extra large soda and one onion rings.
You got it!
Sorry we're closed.
What? Then why did you take my order?
Thank you please drive away.
But I'm hungry!
Then go get a pizza.
I had pizza for lunch!
WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!
GO TO HELL, FATSO!
[in regular accent] SEE YOU THERE LARD ASS! [Bob drives away angry as Randy, Donna and Hyde come out from hiding]
That was awesome. Bob just got into a fight with a ceramic clown.
Believe it or not it wasn't the first time.
S8 E8Good Company
[Jackie, Fez, and Randy scour Donna's room for ideas on a birthday gift. Jackie checks out Donna's diary]
Oh my God Fez, listen to what Donna wrote, it's from a few weeks ago: "Hyde hired this new guy Randy at the record-store. And he's really cute." Donna thinks Randy is cute! Can you believe this?!
Jackie you shouldn't be reading that! [takes the diary and puts it in a drawer] It's a complete invasion of privacy. [fidgets with her mirror] Oh if I get just the right angle on this mirror...I can see Donna when she sleeps...
[Kitty is enraged that her friend Marcia is dating Fez]
[making tequila from a blender] I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut. [hands the blender to Donna] You girls throw it around like football players, couldn't one of you have slept with him?
[drinking from the blender and giving it to Jackie] Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something. Fez is a deviant weirdo. We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch a tree or my pillow.
After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say you're not my mother. If that's even what he said. Because...who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful marsh-mouth.
[drinks] Wow. Fez and an older divorced woman. [hands the blender to Kitty] You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband. SUFFER, YOU CHEATING BASTARD! Haa! Can't wait to be divorced.
Well, if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine I'm done! Next Christmas, his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care. It will be tossed in the garbage with...with...hair! [takes a sip] This place uses too much ice! [pours in the rest of the tequila]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's That '70s Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.