[Kitty suggests something for Hyde to do at a garage sale.]
Oh, Steven, I have a great idea: you can sell lemonade.
Mrs. Forman, I've thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands... and Lord knows I hate a hypocrite!
You could have a little bake sale.
I'd pretty much beat up any kid selling anything.
Steven, you could just do a little table with some cookies and some brownies..
I'm not much of -- brownies. I could make brownies because [stands] people love brownies!
Oh, they love my brownies!
[Red, Kitty, Bob, and Midge get stoned in the basement after eating Hyde's special brownies]
You know... I'm glad the plant is closing. It frees me up to do my own thing.
[laughing] You said, "Do my own thing!"
Oh Red, your own thing. That's so hip!
[eating chips] I love salt.
I like that word, hip. It kinda pops, you know? Hip, hip, hip. I can see my own mouth!
You know what’s beautiful? Fruitcake. All the different colored little fruits living together in one cake.
I jumped out of a cake once.
I also like sweet, but there's just something about salt.
Hip... It starts to lose its meaning after a while, you know? Hip. It's not even a word.
[as someone knocks on the door] Oh my God, listen, you can hear my heart! Oh my God, there it is again!
No, that's someone at the door.
It's just someone for the garage sale. Take whatever you want! It won’t fill the hole in your life! [pause; the knocking continues] I’ll see who it is [gets up to answer the door].
You know, for a terrible grouch, Red is great in bed.
[starts laughing] I'm sorry, what?
[singing] Hippity hoppity, Easter's on its way!
Well, I was hopping down the old bunny trail, and this guy offered me $200 for the Vista Cruiser. So I sold it to him.
You sold Eric's car? Oh, no. [laughs hysterically]
[Kitty is driving Red, Eric, Hyde, and Fez back home after a long last-day binge. The guys are singing Wylie Hubbard's Up Against The Wall, Redneck Mother]
Okay, you know what? Let's turn that off. [switches radio off]
[To Red] Hey, I got Amy's phone number.
I hope she's still pretty tomorrow.
Okay, you know what? Let's just turn that Redneck Mother song back on! [Gang resumes singing]
Eric, you've hardly touched your breakfast.
That's because I don't know what it is.
Well, it's just, it's eggs and hash and some…surprises!
Mom, why aren't you eating it?
Well, I just, I have never been a breakfast person.
Mom, if Daddy gets a job, can we stop eating dog food?
Laurie, it is not dog food. And God, I hope so.
[walks in dressed in a suit and tie] So: would you hire me?
I'd hire you, Daddy! Especially if the position was world's best father.
[Donna and Midge are hanging out]
So ... here we are ... together... again.
Hmm, I'm just loving the time we spend together Donna. In my new book 'Our Mothers, Our Selves,' it says we're supposed to be friends. We should talk to each other and listen. Your stupid father never listens.
Is there anything in your book about not insulting my father?
Well I don't know, I've only read the first chapter. Oh, okay, no more talking about your father. So, how do you like the clogs I bought you?
Good! Cause your father's an ass!
[Red and Kitty talk with Professor Stark, who wants to get Laurie in class again]
So, what does she need to do to get back into school?
SProfessor Stark
Well, she'll have to work with me. Make a commitment...to school. She'll really have to buckle down.
Hahahaha! Well what do you think Laurie, are you willing to give it a go?
Oh, huhuh, mother she's very willing. You know Dad, I just saw the most interesting thing today. In the garage.
[thoughts] Burst into flames, burst into flames, BURST INTO FLAMES!
It was just...it was so surprising.
SStark
I'm in love with your daughter! [long pause; Red and Stark get up from the table and walk towards each other] Dad!
That's it! Come here!! [Chases Stark out of the room]
So you're telling me, if were to go to up to someone's house and say "trick or treat!" they would give me a free piece of candy?
EDEric, Donna, Hyde, Kelso, and Jackie
YES!!!
[Cutaway to Fez at someone's door dressed as Batman]
Trick or treat! [person drops an apple into Fez' bag] An apple? Where's my candy you son of a bitch?!
[Person slams door in his face]
Wait a minute, you're 18?
Yeah. That's why I always seemed more mature than you guys.
You mean to tell me this whole time you could have been buying us beer?!
Well, Eric ruined your life.
And if I had a beer, I'd be getting over it right now.
[Red fantasizes a scene in the manner of a soap opera]
AAnnouncer
And now, another episode of Point Place.
My god Kitty. What have I become?
I don't know. You're not the man I married! And I'm not Kitty.
[faces her] What are you saying?
I am Kitty. But I am leaving you for Dr. Cloak. Or should I say, [faces camera] Eric's real father.
He has a job. What do you have, Red Forman? What do you have?
[dramatically bites his fist] I've got nothing. [Kitty cries] Dear God. Will I ever work again? [puts his face in his hands, sobs, and peers through his fingers.]
[Cuts to Red sitting in the kitchen, Kitty enters]
Well, one thing I'm thinkin' - I've gotta stop watchin' the damn soaps.
[Jackie introduces a leather-jacketed Kelso to Hyde and Fez]
Ummm...may I have your attention please?! I would like to introduce to you all the new Michael Kelso! [applauds as Kelso runs up the driveway]
Yeah..sooo, what do you think?! Yeah, Jackie says it makes me look like Marlon Brando in The Wild Ones. [mimics Brando voice] Yeah, I'm so Brando!
Yeah, if Brando had a buddy named Potsie!
What are you even saying?
I think you know what I'm saying... [imitating Fonzie] 'EYYY!!
Jackie, did you dress me up like the Fonz?
No Michael, I did not dress you up like the Fonz! Although, I mean, I like the Fonz you know he's kinda...
Well you know me Kelso, I just want you to be happy.
Now, if I could just have a moment of your time...?
Good, yes. Okay a gang of thugs has taken over Arnold's! Help us Fonzie, you are our only hope!
I can't believe you guys! Here I am, as Brando as can be, and you guys can't even see that! Well you can both just...
Sit on it? [Kelso runs off, with Jackie following him]
