[annoyed] Get this into your tiny, tiny, little, tiny brain: this is not a resort. It's my house. There is no spa. And you can't get... A MASSAGE!
S8Patrick's Staycation
S8Mermaid Man Begins
[The origin special plays.]
The story of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy all started here.
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
Come on, Ernie! The movie's about to start... Where's the popcorn?
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
It's in the microwave, Tim.
At that very moment in the apartment directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests
SScientist
Make sure you scrape the on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, barnacles underneath, too. I think over a jar of his.
on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, 1 of which, without any hesitation, crawls down 1 floor and miraculously lands undetected. It viciously bites our soon-to-be superhero. He screams in pain...!
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
Ahh!
...Stumbling backwards!
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
What on earth?
In a split-second, both men find themselves in a freefall that sends them squarely through the roof of a vats of acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying the 2 blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year, precariously careening onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes in waiting to highly toxic radium gases; Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping both men with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle 2,000 miles away, consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to Ernie and Tim's exact location, and powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the 2 back to their apartment miraculously unharmed, when...
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
Hey, the popcorn's ready!
JJohnny
...They proceed with movie night, and eat slightly overcooked popcorn.
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
Mmmm... I think you overcooked this a little.
JJohnny
Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits them with a jolt of cosmic super energy, metamorphosing Ernie into an incredibly strong, seastar-wearing superhero and Tim into a slightly less strong, but also super sailor-looking guy.
Tim [Barnacle Boy]: I have the sudden and incredibly urge to breathe water instead of air.
Ernie [Mermaid Man]: As do I.
And that is how they became the superheroes we have come to know as... Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy - Defenders of the Deep!
S8Plankton's Good Eye
[Plankton presses a button. A machine covers him then retracts. An eye appears on the side of Plankton's head.]
[eye appears] Success! [another eye grows] Uh oh, that ain't good. [even more eyes grow] No, no, no, no no no no no no no! I can see everyth- [an eye grows inside of him and pops out of his mouth]
[Plankton sees SpongeBob setting up a picnic]
Hi, Plankton!
Hey, SpongeBob, want to hear a sad story? [jumps onto lunchbox]
No, not particularly.
Once upon a time, there was a yellow doofus who loved to drink milk with his lunch. But unfortunately for said doofus, his milk was tragically spilt. The end. [knocks the milk over]
[starts to cry] Sad story! And so timely! [cries uncontrollably, Plankton catches his tears in a bag]
Get a grip!
Well, I guess Plankton's right. Good thing I always bring backup milk! [opens his face like a fridge and pulls out another carton of milk]
S8Barnacle Face
Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?
Why, it's my old soap press!
Soap press?
That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on 100% pure leftover Krabby Patties!
Leftover Krabby Patties?
[tosses a Krabby Patty into the machine] Their precious essences are harvested, and after a brief cooling process, tumble out this conveyor belt as fresh, wonderful bars of soap! [the new soap falls off the conveyor belt into a basket] Fresh and invigorating! Plus, it's absolutely free.
[picks up one of the soap bars and sniffs it] Ohhhh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you...
[lividly] I've been using soap made out of Krabby Patties?!
Krabby Patty essence.
That's grease!
Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose-
[furiously] DADDY! [throws soap at her father]
[runs away in fear] Got to go, you kids have fun!
S8Pet Sitter Pat
[running outside of his Grandma's house] Hang on, Gary! [when SpongeBob arrives at his house and opens the door, water comes out, and SpongeBob swims inside, then the water drains out] Gary! [hears Gary meow] What's the matter, buddy? [runs up the stairs, the sees Gary meowing at the book called "Snail Tales" while Patrick is laying on' SpongeBob's bed] Ahh... reading Patrick a bedtime story, I see. "Snail Tales," that's a good one.
[sits up on the bed] "Snail Tales"? I thought it was called, "Meow, meow, meow".
S8House Sittin' for Sandy
[taking down notes] Normal. [he then goes in the robot warehouse. He is counting the robots] 2,692... [he is wearing a hat. He types the something down on a gadget. The gadget takes out some paper with the words on it] 2,693... [types something again and the gadget takes out more paper] 2,694... [types something again but he types to much causing the gadget to take out lots of paper. He starts laughing. Suddenly, the gadget goes on fire and so does the paper then it disintegrates. SpongeBob leaves. Scene cuts to him wearing a dress while dusting Sandy's artifacts] Sandy said this collection of rare fragile artifacts needs to be gently cleaned twice daily. There we go. Not a speck of dust anywhere. Wait a minute. [turns a skull head around and spots a dot on it] Aha! [takes a feather off the duster and dusts the dot off] There... we go. [scene cuts to SpongeBob checking the worm incubator] Worm incubator. Well, looks like everything's fine here. [there is a squishing sound] What the...? [a worm starts to hatch] Ohhh! Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for... [checks the list] ...weeks! What is going on?! [Patrick's head pops up] Oh! Patrick? [Patrick pops out of the hole wearing his helmet]
SpongeBob! There you are!
Oh, what a relief. I thought you were a horrible mutant worm who was about to soak me with digestive juices and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.
Nah, no thanks. I had a late breakfast.
Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?
Well, because we can't breathe in Sandy's treedome, remember? It's filled with air.
Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me. I almost for... [dries up and starts gasping for water] P-P-P-Patrick! Help me! I-I can't b-b-b-breathe! [Patrick puts a water helmet on SpongeBob's head]
There you go. [SpongeBob inhales and exhales]
Thanks, Patrick. You're a lifesaver. Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time I got back to this list of house-sitting duties. So without further ado, Patrick, [opens the door] I'd like you to please immediately exit the treedome.
E-Exit the... Exit the treedome?!
That's right. Exit the tree...
Oh, SpongeBob, that's a great idea! Where should we go—Jellyfish Fields, Goo Lagoon, Barg'N-Mart, Lucky Larry's?
Well, Lucky Larry's sounds fun.
All right, let's go!
Hold it! I promised Sandy I'd take extra-special care of her treedome while she's at the Inventor's Convention today. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Patrick, this is a major responsibility.
Well, in that case, I'd better stay and help you.
Nnnnope.
Pleeease?
Not gonna happen.
Pretty please?
No way.
Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
Pretty please with a scoop of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate ice cream, smothered in gooberberry sauce and topped with half a can of whipped topping?
Patrick, what do you take me for?
And a scoop of nuts!
Deal.
[jumps with joy] Hooray!
But you have to promise not to touch anything.
[raises his left hand] I, Patrick Star, hereby promise not to touch anything.
S8Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom
KGKelpy G
[crowd is softly chanting "Kelpy"] At this time, I'd like to welcome a very special guest to the stage — Mr. SpongeBob SmoothPants. [SpongeBob and Kelpy play their instruments at the same time and the crowd loves it]
This isn't fair. I should be on stage, not SpongeBob. I'm the mega-talent. I'll show you, Kelpy. [tries to play his clarinet, but security takes Squidward away] But I'm a musician!
S8The Krabby Patty That Ate Bikini Bottom
What better way to spend an afternoon than trolling the sea vent for spare change. [Then something tugs on Mr. Krabs' magnet] Whooh! [Mr. Krabs pulls and a giant pile of sand hangs from his magnet] There's got to be a small fortune than discarded paperclips in there! [The sand falls, only to reveal a second magnet. He then gets upset] I knew this place looked familiar. [Startles in surprise] What's this? Goodness, that must be Sandy's treedome dwelling, and inside looks to be the largest soybean I have ever laid me eyestalks on. Now this bears getting a closer look. [He rings the door bell on Sandy's treedome and Sandy opens it in her air suit] Good afternoon, Miss Sandy.
And good afternoon to you Mr. Krabs. What brings you out to this fine neck of the woods?
Well uh, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could see you in clear and grace me with a comprehensive tour of your home sweet treedome. [chuckles] I hear the giant soybean is lovely this time of the year.
Sure, lets get you fitted with a helmet.
Don't bother yourself. As long as I keep me ole lungs moist, I can breath your fancy air all day long.
Come on in then. [they go inside the treedome]
S8Bubble Buddy Returns
Would you please get your friend out of my house?
S8Restraining SpongeBob
[SpongeBob is mopping the Krusty Krab floor when Squidward arrives]
Oh, SpongeBob, I got a present for you.
[gives a big smile with twinkling eyes] A present? For me?
Now, now. Calm down. I've should've given this to you a long time ago. [knocks SpongeBob down and gives him the piece of paper]
Wow, Squidward! My very own restraining order. Uh...what is that? [looks at the restraining order stating that he is not allowed to be within 15 feet of Squidward]
Perhaps my lawyers should explain. [points over to his lawyers Harry, Combover, and Bald]
What?
Can I watch you work?
No.
Please?
: No.
Please?
No.
Please?
No.
Please?
No.
Pretty please?
[gets fed up with Patrick begging] No! No! No! No! [growls, Patrick continues to follow him] Go away, Patrick! Go away, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [washes hands and Patrick appears in the mirror] Patrick! [Patrick touches his Krusty Krab employee hat] Patrick! [pushes a button on the cash register and Patrick appears] Patrick! [starts walking with Patrick closely following him behind] Patrick! [using the restroom with Patrick beside him] Patrick! [starts sweating and shivering with Mr. Krabs now beside him]
Mr. Squidward? [Squidward screams] Time for your break. [walks off]
Ah... don't mind if I do. [sits down] Ah...no better way to spend a break than with a little cool jazz. [takes out the box that holds his clarinet and tries to play it but it isn't there] Huh?
[comes out of the restroom] Hi Squidward!
Hello... you...
I just finished cleaning the restroom!
[sarcastically] Ooh... that's great...
I mopped the floors! I shined the mirrors! I scrubbed the sinks.
[sarcastically] Wonderful.
Oh yeah! [takes out Squidward's clarinet that is soaking wet] But we are going to need a new toilet plunger. This one's broken.
Patrick! [takes back the clarinet and growls at Patrick which Mr. Krabs appears to see what is happening]
Nice work, Patrick! Break time's over, Mr. Squidward.
S8Are You Happy Now?
I guess I don't have a happiest memory. Oh, well. [walks away]
S8Planet of the Jellyfish
Alright, you rotten jelly clone! What have you done with SpongeBob?!
I'm no clone, Sandy! I am SpongeBob!
Then you won't mind if I run a simple test. [she cracks her knuckles and she starts tickling him] Cootchie Cootchie coo! Cootchie cootchie cootchie coo!
No! No! Not the cootchie cootchie coo! [laughs] No, that's the tickle spot! [continues laughing]
You're SpongeBob, alright...
[SpongeBob and Sandy both walk outside the dome whistling as they walk up to a Jellien Clone]
Greetings, fellow clone. I hate mayonnaise.
I hate mayonnaise and mustard. [chuckles]
JFJellien Fred
[looks suspiciously at SpongeBob] Hmm... [SpongeBob and Sandy both walk off whistling] I like mustard!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.