Hey, Squidward. You really should watch the closing doors.
[Squidward hisses at Patrick]
S11Mustard O' Mine
S11Shopping List
[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs]
Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! [cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs]
[Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet]
[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? [pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients]
[screams] MY LEG!
So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?
No apocalypse.
I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!
Let's not go too far.
[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!
Wait, Sandy, I was—
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!
Wait, Sandy!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda! [Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up. She kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]
Well, I guess I had that coming.
[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients]
Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: ghost dandruff! [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag]
[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...
[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face! [stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky. He screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?
Plankton.
S11Whale Watching
[Pearl is incredibly head of heels with her new boyfriend. She sighs and gently floats to the door, leaving a trail of dust that forms the word, "Swoon." Pearl's floating crashes through the front door and floats over to Mr. Krabs. She stops floating when she wakes up from her daydreaming.]
Again? Come on, Pearly-girl, we're running low on doors here! [picks out a door from the closet and pastes it to the front door]
Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm just so excited about going to the big party tonight! I—I—I just had to...
[cuts Pearl off] Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Sorry, sweetie. [puts on his hat] Daddy's going out to play cards with the boys tonight. [his teeth is full of cards, his spits them out, and puts them in his sleeve]
But, but Daddy!
No buts! I can't be worrying about you all night, honey.
S11Krusty Kleaners
[The last wall breaks apart and falls outside the building. Now, the entire building is completely destroyed. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick finally cleaning the stain off the floor of the main office right before dawn]
SpongeBob SquarePants always keeps his word. That carpet is clean.
And I helped!
You sure did, buddy! Come on, pal. Let's go get us a snack.
Oh, I like that sound, SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob and Patrick leave the building as it now stands in ruin. Meanwhile, the worker, who was not aware of the destruction, gets up from his chair, stretches and prepares to leave. However, he falls downward. The security guard enters the ruins of the building and catches the worker. He sees the place completely destroyed and drops the worker]
SGSecurity Guard
I quit.
S11Patnocchio
[The episode begins with a storybook entitled "Patnocchio." The book opens and the screens zooms into the picture of Karen in a beautiful fairy outfit holding her wand. She is seen standing outside of Bikini Bottom at night]
[to the viewers] Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom. I am Karen the Computer Fairy. [waves her wand and a scallop flies on her hand; she sings really loud, which causes the scallop to shatter into bits, acting like glass.] And I have a magic tale to tell. [waves her wand and a picture of Patrick appears on her screen] Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star [Patrick appears in a puppet outfit and looks a lot like the character, Pinocchio] who was about to stuff his fat face. [waves her wand with the word "Magics" fly by; her screen shows the Krusty Krab]
S11Plankton Paranoia
I know you're in here, Plankton. Where are you hiding?
[off-screen] I'm right here... [Mr. Krabs jumps out and sees the television on] at the Chum Bucket! Come on down and try our new Chum Nuggets.
Heh. [turns off the television] Whew. [sees Plankton's shadow and gasps; he hides behind a pole; he looks and sees that is was only a cup with two straws] Oh. [chuckles] Just a—just a cup. [hallucinates when he sees the cup transform into Plankton. Plankton laughs evilly and Mr. Krabs becomes scared. Everywhere he looks, he sees everything transform into various images of Plankton, laughing evilly at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs to escape, but no matter how he attempts to escape, all of the images of Plankton keep following him while laughing evilly. Mr. Krabs crawls into a hole, which turns into Plankton's eyeball and reveals a red demonic version of Plankton holding the secret formula while laughing evilly. Back in reality, Mr. Krabs is completely losing himself and screams. He runs to the bathroom and goes to wash his face at the sink. He washes his face] Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. [turns off the faucet and sighs] I'm starting to see things. [laughs. He hallucinates again as he is seeing his eyestalks transform into Plankton. He screams and gibbers. He runs up the pole with the formula and pops out from the ceiling]
S11Library Cards
[straightens himself out] Oh, tender, naïve Patrick, it's not that kind of playground. It's a place to read books! See?
Oh, I love books! [laughs and throws books around] Book! Book! [SpongeBob dodges the incoming books] Book!
[whispers] Gary, I don't think Patrick knows how to use a book properly. [gets hit in the face by a book] Ow! [removes the book and grabs Patrick] Behold the books, Patrick. Each one has a story to tell.
Whoa.
Look out! Those books are cliffhangers, stories for the adventurous. [Two books are clinging for their lives on the shelf. Patrick panics and rushes to help them]
I'll save you! [climbs on the shelf] Whoa! [falls down and gets crushed underneath]
[pulls Patrick out and shows a log-shaped book] There are logbooks, unabridged books, and books with bridges. [holds up a really large book entitled, "War and Peace"; he shows a pop-up book that displays London's Tower Bridge]
Whoa! [laughs]
[puts a book close to his ear] Listen to the soothing sounds of the audiobooks. [hears seagulls cawing and ocean waves] I can hear the ocean.
[grabs a book and hears a toilet flushing] Me too!
[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
Cookbooks, for the culinarily curious.
[takes a page that has a picture of a turkey on it. He puts it on a stove, fries it up, and eats it] I like the pictures.
[reaches in Patrick's mouth and grabs the page] Ah, but the pictures are a mere snack! [closes the book and puts it away] It's the words in the book that really feeds your brain. Let's start you off with an old book. [takes an old book that is covered in cobwebs and dust; he parachutes down and opens the book; and eerie dust bunny appears and SpongeBob sniffs it up] Ah, musty old books smell. Now, read the words, Patrick.
Oh, read the—oh, uh..."Once...Upon a..." "Once upon a..." Once upon a what?!
To continue the story, you have to turn the page. [turns a page]
Oh. "Time." "Once upon a time!" [laughs and turns pages] That's the most amazing trick I've ever seen! I want to stare at more words!
Then feast your eyes! [turns the pages and Patrick goes to read. Inside Patrick's head, his brain is sitting alone on the couch, feeling bored. It picks its nose and smears it on the arm rest. It then sees Patrick looking at the words in the book he's reading]
Once upon a time...
S11Call the Cops
You and me are getting into that police department to get that formula back!
How?
[puts on a police officer outfit] By dressing like the po-po.
The po-po? Oh, no, no.
[removes SpongeBob's hat with the club] No, no po-po—no job-o for you-o. Comprendo?
So. [gulps] But I'll go.
S11Surf N' Turf
First, we build a furnace to make the bottles.
[pulls out the molten glass from the furnace. She takes a deep breath and blows the glass into a shoe. She does it the second time and blows it into a human brain. She does it the third time and blows it into a sea shell. She does it the fourth time and makes it into the bottle she needed for her ship] Perfect and slick as a whistle. [blows in the bottle and makes a whistle; she shows the bottle to Mr. Krabs]
Hmm. [takes out a hammer and smashes the bottle] Try again.
[growls in disgust. She makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs] Huh?
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again.
:[makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs. This time, Mr. Krabs is on a swing] Huh?
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [She makes one more bottle and is breathing heavily in anger. Mr. Krabs holds out the hammer and goes to hit the bottle. Sandy cowers as he is going to strike at the bottle. This time, Mr. Krabs doesn't destroy it. He sees it as the perfect bottle for the model ship] Perfect!
Whew!
Now, we can start on the ship. [accidentally smashes her bottle with the hammer] Oh, wait, um, I wasn't supposed to break that one, was I?
[whimpers and is completely worn out] I feel like chewed-up twine. I'm going to bed. And you can forget about the prize money, 'cause the contest is tomorrow.
[spits his soda out in surprise] Tomorrow?! [cries as his tears fill up his water helmet] Me prize money! Hey, mind if I take a crack at this ship bottle thing?
Knock yourself out. [closes the door]
S11Appointment TV
[An exhausted SpongeBob walks up to the front door of his house]
[sighs and looks at his watch] Well, I may have missed the live broadcast, but at least I got it all on tape. Here I come, "Mermaid Man!" [tries to open the door but it's locked] Oh. [tries to pull it open but to no avail; he checks his pockets] Where'd I put my keys? [peaks through the window] Did I leave them on the table again? [sees his VCR going haywire and it spits out the tape's film] No, my tape! [the ice block explodes and soda flies everywhere] My soda! [the popcorn machine explodes] My popcorn! [sees everything a complete mess] My "Mermaid Man!" [the house bursts into flames and he screams]
[gets shot out of the house on a flying soda bottle. SpongeBob goes to catch Gary, but he lands on his face] Meow. [slithers off of SpongeBob]
[SpongeBob, completely shocked at what happened, starts feeling really sad and begins to cry. His crying is so loud that it is heard all across Bikini Bottom, which results in waking up the townsfolk. Moments later, Squidward, Patrick, Sandy, Larry, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff arrive to see what was the matter]
Hey there, SpongeBob. Why all the waterworks?
[sniffles and wipes his tears with his nose like a windshield wiper] I was so busy helping everyone that I missed "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" and my VCR didn't record it and now I'll never see it and my life has no meaning! [sulks away from his friends and goes back into his burning house crying hysterically, now that his chances of seeing the long-lost episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy has been shattered. All of SpongeBob's friends including Squidward look on at him with sad faces and realized what they had done: they took his kindness for granted and inexplicably ruined his chances of seeing the episode he's been looking forward to watching]
S11Karen's Virus
Oh, no. Your nodes are swollen. That old bucket of bolts gave you a computer virus.
Oh, nonsense. I'm the fastest computer alive. [stammers as she short-circuits and goes haywire]
[Karen rams into the wall]
Uh-oh. [laughs] My ones and zeroes look like 10, 10, 10, 10.
IPIdeal Plankton
Neptune's network! Which one of you is the real SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob and Off Model SpongeBob point at each other. Then stare at themselves in confusion]
IPIdeal Plankton
I'll have to use all the computation power I have to figure this out. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. [blasts Off Model SpongeBob]
Duh, duh, doy, doy. Duh, duh, doy, doy.
IPIdeal Plankton
Oh, no. I think I destroyed the wrong SpongeBob.
Duh, duh, doy— [shakes himself back to his normal form] How do I look?
IPIdeal Plankton
Stunning.
[Before Ideal Plankton can have his turn to swing across, the ground beneath him gave way and he falls into the ravine below.]
IPIdeal Plankton
It's up to you, SpongeBob! You must save Karen!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
IPIdeal Plankton
[off-screen] What do you mean, no?!
I mean, YES!!!!!
S11The Grill is Gone
SpongeBob, zip it.
Oh, thanks. [zipping noise] You know not every friend will tell you when you- [Mr. Krabs clamps SpongeBob's mouth shut]
S11The Night Patty
WOOOOOH! There is nothing better than spending 18 hours at Glove World.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.