TV show quotes
[stops walking and notices SpongeBob] Yeah, what is it? Can't you see I'm walking here?
I can see that! And I'm eager to learn more from you!
Eager?
Yeah!
I can't teach you anything more at this square school, no offense, SquarePants.
None taken!
Well, if you really wanna learn more, you can come by my house later! [walks off]
Oh! I'll be delighted to!
This one's for all the marbles.
But I thought we weren't betting.
No, I mean whoever wins this hole wins the game. [Squidward wakes up and takes off his blindfold to see SpongeBob and Patrick talking]
[muffled] What's going on here? [SpongeBob and Patrick are about to hit their balls.] Ahh!!!
[they shoot, landing the ball in Gary's food bowl, spilling on him] Hole in one! [Squidward sits up]
[softly] Good morning.
Sorry we woke you.
[muffled and stammering] Wha-What? [his mouth is shown, with no dentures]
Hey, Squidward, what happened to your dentures? [scene cuts to Gary, with Squidward's dentures in his bowl]
[as he and SpongeBob leave Squidward's house] Good game, pal.
Rematch next Saturday?
Rain or shine, SpongeBob. Rain or shine.
[It stops raining, focusing on Squidward's house, which collapses.]
[muffled] SpongeBob?!
Well, now that you completely ruined my day, once again, I'm going back to bed.
Alright, nighty-night.
Idiot. [opens his door filled with photos by SpongeBob] What the...?! [sees a picture of Pete] SpongeBob, why is my house filled with photos of your dumb junk?
Oh, I forgot to tell you, I took so many pictures I ran out of room in my house. [opens the door filled with photos and Patrick appears sliding with photos]
Nice dress.
[getting very angry; turns red angrily] IT'S A NIGHTSHIRT!
Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob's arm] SpongeBob! The only thing that must be done is cutting the cord with you!
SpongeBob: No, please!
Squidward: Look, Mr. BabyPants, [drops SpongeBob] ...it is glaringly clear that you learned nothing today about how to be mature.
SpongeBob: But-
Squidward: No buts! We are through entertaining your company. Shall we?
Patrick: Let's shall! [they both leave]
SpongeBob: [teary-eyed] Patrick, don't leave me! [falls backwards]
Patrick, you're kinda derailing the proceedings here. Just focus on me, huh?
Alright, alright. [stares at SpongeBob with bloodshot eyes]
Patrick, nobody throws pillows in class!
Says you! SPEECH!
Try again.
[panting] Boating...safety...
[Patrick crashes together a pair of cymbals, causing SpongeBob to lose his balance and fall off the treadmill while still holding the handlebars]
Come on, SquarePants. Is this the best you can do?
Patrick, I don't think this is working.
[The treadmill's motion grinds SpongeBob into a pile of dust on the floor]
[shouts] SPEECH! [startled, SpongeBob jumps up in his normal form. Patrick continues yelling the same word repeatedly, making SpongeBob even more nervous] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! [his eyes are now talking] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEE-
Patrick, stop! Somehow, you're help just isn't helping. I am even more nervous about this oral report than I've ever been about anything. [shivers]
White knuckles, leaky pores, stomach in knots... Y-yep. He looks pretty bad. SpongeBob, you're afflicted with severe Oral Report-itis! You know, patients with this disease have been known to physically explode. KER-POW!!!
[shrieks]
It has been scientifically proven that 85% of speech related stress can be eliminated if the speaker imagines the audience in their underwear. Everyone will look so silly, you won't even remember you're nervous! Which is why I invented these: Goggles that let you see people in their undies. Or, I could just make you a fake boating license.
That's still illegal. Give me the goggles. [tries them on] It's not working.
Well, of course it isn't, silly! I'm only wearing my undies. See if they work on Patrick.
[looks at Patrick and jumps] Eh. Yeah, they work.
Hey, buddy! [door slams] Squidward! [door slams] Free cleaning service? [door slams] Census taker. [door slams] Good day, kind sir. Would you like to buy some Gil Scout cookies? [door slams] Ow! [tape rips]
Here's your Krabby Patty! [puts his Krabby Patty on the table and holds up his tray] Shall I put it on your tab?
Oh, yeah. Keep it open. We might be here all night! Let me just say up front, I'm a fan! I'm excited to learn from a master. My career in self-worth are in your hands! Let us writing on this. Okay... advise!
[sighs and gets up] Why don't you just concentrate on your patty? [leaves]
[looks at his patty] Of course, it's so obvious now! How did I not see it earlier? Squidward's a genius! I know now what I must do! [reaches in his pocket for googly eyes and puts them on the patty, admiring his masterpiece.]
[pops out of the ketchup bottle] Brilliant! [hands Patrick a bag full of money] I've never seen such an example of raw creativity! This will turn the art world on its head! I hereby declare this the next big thing! [echoes. The customers swarm the Krusty Krab and hold up their money]
You did it, Patrick! You found your inspiration!
[holds up his money bag] And I'm going to need some more of those patty thingies!
You got it, buddy! [jumps into the kitchen and flips some patties, which fly out to Patrick. Patrick decorates a patty and gives it to Tom, who gives him another money bag]
Huh? [hears cha-ching] Ooh, money! Money, money, money, money, money, money, money! [opens the cash register and notices it's empty, then gasps] What the? [gasps again and notices customers giving money to Patrick and SpongeBob giving him patties] SpongeBob! [grabs SpongeBob] Patrick! [grabs Patrick and pulls both of them into his office] What's the meaning of this?
It's my art. Uh, I buy Krabby Patties for $3 and I..I sell them for $50. [Mr. Krabs gets mad with a growling animal sound. SpongeBob and Patrick get worried and cry]
Ha and ha!
Why is he so mad, Squidward? I was just following your advice!
What?! [to Squidward, angrily] It was your idea, huh?!
[The scene cuts to SpongeBob bringing more patties out.]
Here's a whole new batch of Krabby Patty canvases.
Great, SpongeBob! [to Incidental 41] That'll be fifty bucks!
[hands Mr. Krabs money] It's so inexpensive!
And here's your patty! One more art patty, Mr. Star!
It's such an honor to meet you!
[takes the patty] I can only imagine! Apprentice! [turns to Squidward] Make another of my masterpieces, good man. [Squidward grabs the patty and squirts glue on the top bun] If you work real hard, you may be an artist too someday! [Squidward growls at Patrick. Patrick looks at the patty.] Mm, probably not. Needs more glitter. [Squidward breaks down bawling, ending the episode]
Patrick, you dimwitted moron! Get out of my kitchen!
Good idea. I think I'll head over to the spa. I could use a massage.
[annoyed] Get this into your tiny, tiny, little, tiny brain: this is not a resort. It's my house. There is no spa. And you can't get... A MASSAGE!
[The origin special plays.]
The story of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy all started here.
Come on, Ernie! The movie's about to start... Where's the popcorn?
It's in the microwave, Tim.
At that very moment in the apartment directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests
Make sure you scrape the on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, barnacles underneath, too. I think over a jar of his.
on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, 1 of which, without any hesitation, crawls down 1 floor and miraculously lands undetected. It viciously bites our soon-to-be superhero. He screams in pain...!
Ahh!
...Stumbling backwards!
What on earth?
In a split-second, both men find themselves in a freefall that sends them squarely through the roof of a vats of acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying the 2 blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year, precariously careening onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes in waiting to highly toxic radium gases; Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping both men with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle 2,000 miles away, consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to Ernie and Tim's exact location, and powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the 2 back to their apartment miraculously unharmed, when...
Hey, the popcorn's ready!
...They proceed with movie night, and eat slightly overcooked popcorn.
Mmmm... I think you overcooked this a little.
Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits them with a jolt of cosmic super energy, metamorphosing Ernie into an incredibly strong, seastar-wearing superhero and Tim into a slightly less strong, but also super sailor-looking guy.
Tim [Barnacle Boy]: I have the sudden and incredibly urge to breathe water instead of air.
Ernie [Mermaid Man]: As do I.
And that is how they became the superheroes we have come to know as... Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy - Defenders of the Deep!
[Plankton presses a button. A machine covers him then retracts. An eye appears on the side of Plankton's head.]
[eye appears] Success! [another eye grows] Uh oh, that ain't good. [even more eyes grow] No, no, no, no no no no no no no! I can see everyth- [an eye grows inside of him and pops out of his mouth]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
