[singing] I've got an abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side! I've got an abrasive side and now I can say "no"! Abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, and now I can say...
S7The Abrasive Side
Ahoy there, SpongeBob! I need you to work an extra 17 hour shift tonight!
Oh, sure thing, Mr...
Sorry, Krabs. I'm busy! Unless you're paying me overtime.
Overtime? O... o... o-ver-time... [takes a dictionary, flips through its pages] Overtime? Hmm, let's see here. Over, oversold, overspend... ah! Overtime. "More money per hour..." [screams] What a filthy, disgusting word!
Hey, SpongeBob! You're right on time for our play date!
Oh, I can't wait...
...to ditch you...
...'cause you're my best friend...
...so beat it, tubby, I don't care for your company!
Well, Patrick, are you ready to have some fun?
I don't know! [cries and runs home]
[walks into his house and looks in the mirror] That's weird. I wonder what's wrong with Patrick.
Don't you remember? We told that pink freak to beat it! In fact, we've already insulted all of your rotten friends, and no one will hang out with you, 'cause you have no friends left, Mr. LoserBob LonelyPants!
[last lines; SpongeBob at Grandma's]
Grandma? Hello. Grandma, I'm sorry about earlier. So, what do ya say? Can we discuss forgiveness over a cup of your famous hot cocoa?
SGrandma SquarePants
Oh, my sweet, I would love to whip that up for you right after you...
AAbrasive Grandma
Make your own hot cocoa! I'm busy! [thunder clap; cut to the exterior of Grandma's house]
[yells offscreen] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
S7Earworm
Oh, that was a neat little tune I came up with today, if I do say so myself. [As he closes his eyes, the earworm slithers across his head, slips under his eyelid, and into his head. As Squidward begins humming, the song he played earlier begins playing in his head. Cut back to the exterior of his home.] Oh, yeah. That's catchy stuff, Squiddy. Catchy stuff. Mmm-mmm-mmm. [screams in agony as the screen cuts to black and the episode ends]
S7Tunnel of Glove
Pearl? I don't think this is the Tunnel of Glove... it's the Tunnel of EVIL!!!!
S7Big Sister Sam
Hey, buddy, what are you cleaning for?
‘Cause I'm expecting some very important company.
Who's that?
My big sister, Sam!
Wow, I didn't know you had a sister!
[the music stops abruptly as he drops the mop and starts to look sad] Nobody does. [starts tearing up] I lost her in the surf when we were kids.
Gee, I'm sorry, Patrick.
Sam took care of me when I was just nursing on coral. She was my rock! [sniffles; bursts into tears, sobbing in despair]
It's gonna be okay. You're gonna see her again today right today? Come on, cheer up, buddy. Hey, I'll make sure her visit here will be extra super special, no matter what!
Thanks, man, you're right. I can't wait to make up for our lost years!
[Sam walks towards Patrick and SpongeBob. She is revealed to be large, incredibly muscular starfish, with large temper]
Sam!
[grabs Patrick by the neck and breathes in his face] Brubber! [hugs him]
Sis! [Sam starts hugging Patrick very tightly] It's so good to see you.
You. Sister Sam. Have much catch up to do. [accidentally catapults Patrick into his rock]
Wow, you pack a wallop, sis. [introduces SpongeBob to Sam] Sam, this is my best friend SpongeBob.
Yeah, Patrick and I go back a long way. [both giggling] Yeah, long way, heh heh, go back.
[eyes bug out] Yellow square touch brubber! [grabs SpongeBob] Make sister Sam MAD! [launches SpongeBob in the air]
[Sam builds a new bigger house made of sand for Patrick. After finishing, she takes the antenna off of Patrick's rock and puts it onto a sand rock]
Thanks, sis!
Sister Sam loves to make rock for brubber.
Well, make rock somewhere else. My house is full of sand.
If Big Nose no like sand, Big Nose move! [pushes Squidward's house away]
This is way beyond my property line. Hey, Patrick, that oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister! [laughs] Construction humor.
[growls] No laughing!
No, no, don't be upset with Squidward. He doesn't mean it, don't you, Squidward?
Oh, I mean it, alright. She's a big buffoon, like Patrick. Except bigger, and dumber, and buffoonier. [Sam starts huffing]
[scared] Oh, Squidward, you jokester. [Sam keeps huffing]
Do you think she looks a little miffed?
[huffs angrily, then starts crying] Those boys mean! They pick on Sister Sam!
Shame on you two! Look what you've done!
Look what we've done?!
[Sam cries so hard that her tears fling Squidward and SpongeBob. Squidward falls face first into the sand and SpongeBob falls onto a seahorse-shoe toss pole]
TTuck
Golly-doo-diddley, Clem, that was a nice toss!
Weren't me, Tuck. My money's on the little missy over yonder.
Aww, hey, sis, don't listen to those meanies. Hey, the new rock is looking kinda boring. What do you say we decorate it?
[sniffles and smiles] Blecorate?
You can call it whatever you like, sis, just as long as we make it spiffy!
[Squidward empties sand out of head]
[walks up to Squidward's house] Make new house spiffy. [takes the window off of Squidward's house] Spiffy!
Hey, you can't do that! That's my window!
[puts the window onto the antenna on a sand rock and laughs] Blecorate.
That's the spirit, sis!
Oh no, that's definitely not the spirit, Patrick. Your sister is out of control!
Hey, ya just mind your own business and let us «blecorate» in peace!
You can blecor---- decorate until the sea cows come home for all I care, just do not use my property to do it! [takes off the antennae-window and stammers as he stops to look at something in shock]
[dismantles more part from Squidward's house and puts it on the sand rock] More spiffy!
But that's from... [looks at his somewhat horribly dismantled house] MY HOUSE! That's it! I have had my fill of this thieving brute!
Well, how dare you call my sister a thief, just 'cause she took some of your things...
Easy now, gents, let's not let tempers flare. Now don't you think, Patrick, that it's a teensie bit unfair that sister Sam dismantled Squidward's house?
No, I don't. Not even a teensie, eensie, teensie bit. I see now that not only have you turned against my sister, you've turned on your best friend as well! [cries]
It's not like that at all, Patrick. I was just-
[sees her brother crying] Shush! Meanies make brubber's eyes water! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Meanies go home! [headbutts them to their homes]
Come on, sis. They can't bother us under our rock.
Meanies is mean. [the sand rock closes]
[after stopping Squidward by throwing a bulldozer that destroys SpongeBob's house] That'll teach those meanies.
You're still my rock, big sis.
[upset] Patrick, I think your sister's temper is getting out of control.
[annoyed] SpongeBob, why are you still saying mean things about Sam?!
[still upset] She destroyed my house in a fit of rage! She needs to control her temper!
[realizes] Well, I guess she can get a little carried away.
[angry and confused] What Patrick doing? Why Patrick talk to meanies?
[nervously] Well, it's about your temper, Sam.
[furious] No have temper! This makes sister Sam SO MAD! Sister Sam put on mean face! [turns face around with an angrier face] Now smash brubber house! [picks up the sand rock]
Not the rock! [jumps on the sand rock while Sam pummels it]
[slams the ground and yells in fury. Her regular face then sees Patrick hurt and unconscious. Sam realizes that her aggressive behavior causes her younger brother to get hurt] Patrick? Little brubber? Little brubber? Little brubber no wake!
Patrick? [takes out cookie dough]
[sniffs it and eats it as he wakes up] Cookie dough!
Patrick okay! Sister Sam feel bad. Sorry she hurt Patrick. Should protect little brubber. She go now. [walks away]
Sis, no, hold on! Aw, don't feel sad. You don't have to go!
Yes, Sister Sam must go. Late for manicure. [elephant trumpet sound is heard as a close-up of her fingernails is shown; hugs Patrick tightly again] Bye, brubber!
Bye, sis.
[bus drives up and she punches another hole, but next to the door. The bus leaves]
Gee, isn't my sister something?
Aww, she's something, alright! [laughs, ending the episode]
S7 E8SpongeBob's Last Stand
Observe in this conveniently timed flashback.
Okay everyone, say goodbye to the worst thing that's happened to this town since 97 cent stores.
EEveryone
Yeah! [SpongeBob tries to break the highway with the tractor, but it just stopped]
Good effort, Spongedope, but you can't tear up my highway, it's indestructible!
LLLarry Lobster
Not if we have anything to do with it!
Larry Lobster!
LLLarry Lobster
That's right, pal, but that's not all. [Sandy walks out from the crowd, waving]
Sandy Squirrel! [Mrs. Puff walks out of the crowd] Mrs. Puff! [Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy both walk out from the crowd] Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy! [Patrick walks walk out from the crowd] Patrick!
Su-Su-Su-Su!
And Squidward! [Squidward doesn't walk out from the crowd]
F3Fish 3
Nope, that's everybody!
LLLarry Lobster
Push! [He, Patrick, Mrs. Puff, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Sandy push] Harder! [They push harder]
Harder still!
F3Fish 3
You heard the little square guy, yeah! [Everybody lines up behind the tractor and pushes it]
Wait! I didn't count on all of you working together! [Everybody pushes hard enough that the highway breaks!] My highway! Stop! YOU CAN'T! [Plankton gets crushed by the tractor!]
EEveryone
YEAH! [The arch over the Krusty Krab breaks down in a pile of dust and the smog clears]
Praise Neptune.
[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!
JJellyfish
Clap!
Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, everyone sing along!
JJellyfish
Clap!
EEveryone
[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!
JJellyfish
Clap!
EEveryone
Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly everyone sing! [The camera zooms out and we cut to the Jellyfish Fields ranger]
RRanger
[bored voice] Everyone sing along. [switches the "closed" sign to "open," and then walks away]
S8Accidents Will Happen
Oh, Krabsy, after tea, I think a full tentacle massage would be an order.
I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10-ft...
[on phone] Hello, Office Workers Safety Department... [Mr. Krabs jumps at Squidward ripping the phone out of his hand, then eats it]
[chuckles nervously] I'll go get the massage oil now. [runs inside; cut to the storage room] Boy, ya got anything?
Not yet, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs groans; takes a bucket of fry grease]
[clearing throat] I'm waiting!
Coming!
This just isn't adding up.
[sits up] Pudding?
We must be missing something. Patrick, we're going to need help even more expert than you. [cut to inside the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs massages Squidward's tentacles using the fry grease]
S8The Other Patty
What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?
Now, now, Krabs, SpongeBob has taught us important life lessons, such as, oh, how to fall out of an airplane for instance.
Yeah, and how to comically bludgeon myself.
In fact, I think it's time we repay him, don't you?
Great idea, pal. [clenches fists together. Plankton does the same] We'll teach you about teamwork. [hops on top of Plankton who carries him. SpongeBob runs away screaming] Get back here! [Plankton chases SpongeBob while carrying Mr. Krabs]
We should do this more often, Krabs.
S8Drive Thru
[Frank crashes into Lenny's car]
LLenny
Hey-hey-hey, watch it, will ya?! I just had this thing repainted!
And I just had this repainted! [takes out a pipe-like object]
LLenny
I see you used the extra-glossy...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.