SpongeBob SquarePants quotes

Patrick

Music isn't best either.

SpongeBob

But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever.

Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!

SpongeBob

This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. No, no, Squid, over here. I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.

Patrick

Firmly grasp it in your hand. [puts the net on Squidward's bandaged hand and it falls. He picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [puts it on the Squidward's bandaged hand again and it falls again] FIRMLY GRASP IT!!! [stabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand] That oughta do it.

SpongeBob

Plankton, what are you doing here?

I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?

SpongeBob

Um...no.

Acquaintances?

SpongeBob

No.

Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?

SpongeBob

I...guess so.

You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. Ching! Sparkle, sparkle.

SpongeBob

Wow. A golden spatula. And it's even got my name on it.

It's a gift. A gift from a friend. Friends give each other gifts, and tomorrow is my birthday. And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world?

SpongeBob

A booster seat?

A booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those tender... delicious... Krabby Patties.

SpongeBob

[gasps] You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow.

Gee, and I thought you were stupid.

SpongeBob

You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! Even if we are friends! Never! Never! Never! Never!

Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty and you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally, you weak-minded fool! [laughs evilly]

[through SpongeBob, to Squidward] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.

Squidward

Mediocre?

You pretentious, little insignificant artist. Your sniveling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.

Brace yourself, SpongeBob! This is my lab! [passes a real life Labrador retriever]

Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants?

SpongeBob

I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.

Mmm...

SpongeBob

With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.

Steamy.

SpongeBob

I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns.

Yes... yes... YES! Come to papa! [bounces off the patty and lands in the analyzer] Oh, boy. [now zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]

Karen

Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas. [Plankton appears on the screen]

Well, this stinks.

SpongeBob

Well, patty, I guess we can go home now.

SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! No! I'll settle for some fries.

SpongeBob

[sings] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the world... ♪ [plays the bassinet very badly] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the sea... ♪ [the bow flies into a painting of Squidward. Squidward breaks the bow in half; singing and playing the bassinet like a guitar] ♪ Squidward- ♪

Patrick

[poking his head out the window] ♪ Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob. ♪ [Spongebob shuts the window in his face] Oh!

SpongeBob

And Patrick is a DIRTY, STINKY, ROTTEN FRIEND STEALER!! [hits the bassinet against the floor and it breaks] Um, I can fix this. [Squidward growls and kicks him out] So, uh...I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward. Call me.

Squidward

[after his front door falls on him] Oh-ho, my back.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, I just got my license!

SpongeBob

Hey, I'm getting mine next.

Hey, I doubt it.

SpongeBob

I've got too much to worry about.

Mrs. Puff

You've shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I've ever seen. What's your secret? A little radio in your head? [she and SpongeBob laugh; cuts to Patrick at the pineapple also laughing] Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? [they laugh again] And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? [the laughing sequence plays a third time] Oh, yes...But that would be cheating.

Patrick

Cheating! [laughs]

SpongeBob

I'm cheating. Mrs. Puff.

Mrs. Puff

Yes, my star pupil?

SpongeBob

I think I'm cheating.

SpongeBob

Cheating, I'm a cheater! Cheater!

Mrs. Puff

No, no, no! It's quite alright! You can cheat that way! [points towards the finish line]

SpongeBob

No, I'm cheating!

Squidward

Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?

SpongeBob

I can't, it's for the customer!

Squidward

Who cares about the customer?

SpongeBob

I do!

Squidward

Well, I don't!

SpongeBob

[gasps] Squidward!

Squidward

Give it to me!

SpongeBob

No! We promised it's for the customer!

Squidward

[calms down] You're right. It's for the customer.

SpongeBob

Yeah!

Squidward

Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay.

SpongeBob

Well?

Squidward

Just a peek. [opens the box]

SpongeBob

[quickly shuts it] Okay, it's fine.

Squidward

No, I think I saw something. [opens the box] Oh. No. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure is a fine-looking pizza.

SpongeBob

Yeah...

Squidward

What's that? Is that the cheese?

SpongeBob

Yeah...

Squidward

And the pepperoni?

SpongeBob

Yeah...

Squidward

Ooh, looks good, huh?

SpongeBob

Wait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward! I'm not letting you eat the pizza!

Squidward

Give me that pizza!

SpongeBob

No!

Squidward

Don't make me take it away from you, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob

Get away!

Squidward

[starts chasing SpongeBob] Get back here, SpongeBob! Give me that pizza!

SpongeBob

No!

Squidward

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob

No!

Squidward

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob

No!

[after Tom insults SpongeBob by not taking the pizza and slamming the door in his face, Squidward angrily walks up to the house and knocks on the door] Another one?! Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!

Squidward

Well, this one's on the house! [slams the pizza box in Tom's face]

SpongeBob

Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge! [the house shrinks again again and the bed disappears, leaving SpongeBob on the floor]

Gary

Meow.

SpongeBob

Huh? Wait a minute. [the scene cuts to outside where the nematodes are still drinking SpongeBob's house] Oh no! [runs into the living room. but squeezes through the door as he almost gets stuck. He gets freed as he gets launched into the wall. Gary gets stuck through the door as he slithers in. SpongeBob crashes into the wall, flipping the side table over] Ow. Shellphone! I know, I'll call Squidward. He'll know what to do.

Squidward

Hello?

SpongeBob

Squidward!

Squidward

Is it time already for you to ruin my day?

SpongeBob

Squidward, help me! [his shellphone starts to shrink] My house is shrinking! I woke this morning, I was getting smaller and [high pitched voice] smaller! The walls are closing in on me! Gary is terrified too! [the shellphone is hung up; normal voice] Oh no!

Squidward

Yep, it is.

SpongeBob

Aah!

Patrick

Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Hey, SpongeBob. Don't start without me.